I am DONE
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 13
I am DONE
I am done drinking. This is the last time I ever want to start all over at day 1. I am so sick and tired of it. It's not even fun anymore. It hasn't been for a very long time. I made a complete fool of myself yet again last night and now I'm in "repair mode" with my husband who won't talk to me today. I don't even know what to say to him. I'm a mean drunk and I insulted him big time.
I have always been a binge drinker. It used to be a weekend thing but these past 2 months, I was also drinking during the week. I've been finding myself thinking about when I'd be able to have that next drink and it's scaring me.
I think I was drinking to numb the depression and anxiety I have. Then again, maybe that's just my excuse. But I have decided that it is about time I take care of myself. I can't drown my emotions away but I don't know how else to deal. I have zero self esteem, zero friends, a husband who works all the time and isn't big on talking, and I am just so negative with myself ALL THE TIME. That's all got to stop and change. I am hoping that having this forum as an outlet will help.
I have always been a binge drinker. It used to be a weekend thing but these past 2 months, I was also drinking during the week. I've been finding myself thinking about when I'd be able to have that next drink and it's scaring me.
I think I was drinking to numb the depression and anxiety I have. Then again, maybe that's just my excuse. But I have decided that it is about time I take care of myself. I can't drown my emotions away but I don't know how else to deal. I have zero self esteem, zero friends, a husband who works all the time and isn't big on talking, and I am just so negative with myself ALL THE TIME. That's all got to stop and change. I am hoping that having this forum as an outlet will help.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by Onlylovetoday 
I am done drinking. This is the last time I ever want to start all over at day 1. I am so sick and tired of it. It's not even fun anymore. It hasn't been for a very long time. I made a complete fool of myself yet again last night and now I'm in "repair mode" with my husband who won't talk to me today. I don't even know what to say to him. I'm a mean drunk and I insulted him big time.
I have always been a binge drinker. It used to be a weekend thing but these past 2 months, I was also drinking during the week. I've been finding myself thinking about when I'd be able to have that next drink and it's scaring me.
I think I was drinking to numb the depression and anxiety I have. Then again, maybe that's just my excuse. But I have decided that it is about time I take care of myself. I can't drown my emotions away but I don't know how else to deal. I have zero self esteem, zero friends, a husband who works all the time and isn't big on talking, and I am just so negative with myself ALL THE TIME. That's all got to stop and change. I am hoping that having this forum as an outlet will help.
I have always been a binge drinker. It used to be a weekend thing but these past 2 months, I was also drinking during the week. I've been finding myself thinking about when I'd be able to have that next drink and it's scaring me.
I think I was drinking to numb the depression and anxiety I have. Then again, maybe that's just my excuse. But I have decided that it is about time I take care of myself. I can't drown my emotions away but I don't know how else to deal. I have zero self esteem, zero friends, a husband who works all the time and isn't big on talking, and I am just so negative with myself ALL THE TIME. That's all got to stop and change. I am hoping that having this forum as an outlet will help.
This forum is a great place to start, and your choice to make a change is a great first step.
Welcome.
LexiStrength
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 22
I can totally relate to what you are going through. Congratulations on taking the first step towards your recovery. It's hard to do. We're all in this together. Have you thought about seeing a doctor to help with your anxiety and depression? I can't tell you how much of a difference that has made in my life. As you start to get better you'll start to feel better about yourself. My self esteem was at an all time low and just a few days into it, I feel a lot better. You're lucky you are giving yourself a second chance at life! You can be whoever you want to be this round. Just keep posting and stick with it. Good luck and welcome 
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
The weird thing is that when I quit drinking all the depression and anxiety went away. Turns out what I thought I was chasing away was being caused by the alcohol. Mind. Blown.
Not immediately. The first couple weeks were super uncomfortable, and the first six months were a battle in general.
Hang out here, keep talking - we understand.
Not immediately. The first couple weeks were super uncomfortable, and the first six months were a battle in general.
Hang out here, keep talking - we understand.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Welcome. Glad you found us.
Rather than sitting home alone, why not reach out here more by continuing to read and post, and maybe even look into the AA meetings available in your area. Both those things have really helped me ovr the last 3 years.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB
Rather than sitting home alone, why not reach out here more by continuing to read and post, and maybe even look into the AA meetings available in your area. Both those things have really helped me ovr the last 3 years.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Great Outdoors
Posts: 1,992
It is funny how that works. Thinking you are off setting the self esteem images and depression with drinking...then you stop drinking to find out that is what was causing it in the first place!!! I am not nearly as sad as I thought I was!!! I feel great...only on day ten...but feeling good! I hope the same for you. And remember...you are not a tree. You can move if you need to. I put up with years of cut downs and abuse. Silence is another form of abuse. Don't wait too long.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Originally Posted by Onlylovetoday
I have zero self esteem, zero friends, a husband who works all the time and isn't big on talking, and I am just so negative with myself ALL THE TIME. That's all got to stop and change. I am hoping that having this forum as an outlet will help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 13
Originally Posted by Anna
Make a gratitude list and write down a few things each day that you are grateful for. Write down some positive traits about yourself, even if you have to dig deep to come up with some. Get out in your community and meet people. Volunteer work is a great way to meet wonderful people and to give a sense of purpose to your life. You can shift your perception and be the person you want to be.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Very glad you joined us, Onlylovetoday. You'll have plenty of friends now. 
The encouragement I found here helped me stop after drinking 30 yrs. I felt the same as you - that it was no longer fun, relaxing, or helpful in any way. Dangerous things happened when I drank - and I did out of character things every time. It truly turned me into a different person - just the opposite of the real me.
You can do it!
The encouragement I found here helped me stop after drinking 30 yrs. I felt the same as you - that it was no longer fun, relaxing, or helpful in any way. Dangerous things happened when I drank - and I did out of character things every time. It truly turned me into a different person - just the opposite of the real me.
You can do it!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 15
Only LoveToday I understand exactly how you feel. I had to learn that it wasn't the duty of a boyfriend, husband, friend, or family to make me happy. My happiness is MY responsibility. For the first time in my life I took myself to the movies and out to eat ALONE. It was the best time ever. Learn to be comfortable and secure with just yourself. Find cheap hobbies on Groupon and try different things. Swimming, martial arts, music lessons, cooking, museums, workshops. You name it! There's a huge world out there, and honestly you probably SHOULDNT be intoxicated while doing these things. The more activities you find yourself involved in, the less time you have for mind altering drugs. Journal, go for a walk, read, chat here, blog, respond to other peoples posts. Listening to everyone else and being the one to offer advice is shocking to me. I'm the one in tears almost daily, but it is helpful to help others and it does uplift me. I encourage you to find happiness without drinking. Write your husband a letter. Very old school, but that was always my favorite thing to do. I still write letters to my family and send it in the mail. It's the most heartwarming thing to get one in return, even if its just a few words of their day to day activities. Hope you and hubby get on better terms.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Georgia
Posts: 188
Welcome!
When you get to where you are planning your next drink you are an alcoholic. Thats the addictive voice talking. You will probably experiance withdrawls but fight through.
Read my post. I was right where you are.
I learned to be happy with me and that was when the enlightenment started.
When you get to where you are planning your next drink you are an alcoholic. Thats the addictive voice talking. You will probably experiance withdrawls but fight through.
Read my post. I was right where you are.
I learned to be happy with me and that was when the enlightenment started.
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