question
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 123
question
I was speaking to a friend and she asked does the vodka bottles hidden in the garage , under the sinks etc really mean my STBXAH is a alcoholic? For some reason she feels I'm overly sensitive or insensitive to people who drink because I don't drink.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Does it matter what you call it?
Or maybe she knows someone else who does this and is trying to diagnose them.
This is why Al Anon is such a good idea. People there get it and mostly friends and family in the world at large don't.
Or maybe she knows someone else who does this and is trying to diagnose them.
This is why Al Anon is such a good idea. People there get it and mostly friends and family in the world at large don't.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 994
I was speaking to a friend and she asked does the vodka bottles hidden in the garage , under the sinks etc really mean my STBXAH is a alcoholic?
Maybe she know someone else who does this and is wondering or maybe she does it herself and doesn't see a problem with it. It doesn't really matter what she thinks or why she said it tho. Unless she educates herself on alcohol abuse she won't get it. I found no one got it except people on this forum.
Maybe she know someone else who does this and is wondering or maybe she does it herself and doesn't see a problem with it. It doesn't really matter what she thinks or why she said it tho. Unless she educates herself on alcohol abuse she won't get it. I found no one got it except people on this forum.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 123
Originally Posted by biminiblue 
Does it matter what you call it?
Or maybe she knows someone else who does this and is trying to diagnose them.
This is why Al Anon is such a good idea. People there get it and mostly friends and family in the world at large don't.
Or maybe she knows someone else who does this and is trying to diagnose them.
This is why Al Anon is such a good idea. People there get it and mostly friends and family in the world at large don't.
I said to her at the end of the day I sold my peace of mind, my sanity , my heart for that check. Because it came with to high of a price. Her response to me was but "now your looking at being in the poor house, still depressed and divorced."
Somebody help because I see her point and mine. Which one of us is right?This mental strain is to much for me
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
saving, I think Sparkle Kitty is absolutely right--"regular" folks don't get it. In fact, part of the reason it took me so long to get out of a situation that clearly wasn't changing was that I so often asked myself "is it really that bad?" I mean, he did lie to me and had spent a ton of joint funds w/o my knowledge or consent, he was emotionally unavailable and had no interest in getting any help or changing a single thing, but it's not like he beat me or had a bunch of DUIs, and he did hold a job...
I didn't get it myself until I'd read here enough times "is that good enough for you? Is that what you want from a partner?" When I finally was able to answer that question honestly, the answer was no.
So the minimizing can come from inside as well as from outside, to be sure.
I didn't get it myself until I'd read here enough times "is that good enough for you? Is that what you want from a partner?" When I finally was able to answer that question honestly, the answer was no.
So the minimizing can come from inside as well as from outside, to be sure.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Originally Posted by savingmein2017
I don't believe she was trying to diagnose someone else because she went on to say STBXH couldn't be that bad because he provided financially. This is the confusion I hate. uugghhh.....
I said to her at the end of the day I sold my peace of mind, my sanity , my heart for that check. Because it came with to high of a price. Her response to me was but "now your looking at being in the poor house, still depressed and divorced."
Somebody help because I see her point and mine. Which one of us is right?This mental strain is to much for me :(
I said to her at the end of the day I sold my peace of mind, my sanity , my heart for that check. Because it came with to high of a price. Her response to me was but "now your looking at being in the poor house, still depressed and divorced."
Somebody help because I see her point and mine. Which one of us is right?This mental strain is to much for me :(
I don't talk about important life events with people who I cannot trust to be supportive.
Now you know that person is not to be in your inner circle. If it's a close friend or family member, I'd distance myself for a while, or at least not discuss this with her. Sounds like my family.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Originally Posted by savingmein2017
I don't believe she was trying to diagnose someone else because she went on to say STBXH couldn't be that bad because he provided financially. This is the confusion I hate. uugghhh.....
I said to her at the end of the day I sold my peace of mind, my sanity , my heart for that check. Because it came with to high of a price. Her response to me was but "now your looking at being in the poor house, still depressed and divorced."
Somebody help because I see her point and mine. Which one of us is right?This mental strain is to much for me
I said to her at the end of the day I sold my peace of mind, my sanity , my heart for that check. Because it came with to high of a price. Her response to me was but "now your looking at being in the poor house, still depressed and divorced."
Somebody help because I see her point and mine. Which one of us is right?This mental strain is to much for me
Your friend does not get what it's like to be partnered with someone who looks good on paper but isn't available emotionally behind closed doors. She doesn't have to get it. You're the only one who does.
You can recover from financial strain, depression, and divorce, and you WILL recover from those things. Whether he will recover from his issues is out of your control.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 123
Originally Posted by honeypig
saving, I think Sparkle Kitty is absolutely right--"regular" folks don't get it. In fact, part of the reason it took me so long to get out of a situation that clearly wasn't changing was that I so often asked myself "is it really that bad?" I mean, he did lie to me and had spent a ton of joint funds w/o my knowledge or consent, he was emotionally unavailable and had no interest in getting any help or changing a single thing, but it's not like he beat me or had a bunch of DUIs, and he did hold a job...
I didn't get it myself until I'd read here enough times "is that good enough for you? Is that what you want from a partner?" When I finally was able to answer that question honestly, the answer was no.
So the minimizing can come from inside as well as from outside, to be sure.
I didn't get it myself until I'd read here enough times "is that good enough for you? Is that what you want from a partner?" When I finally was able to answer that question honestly, the answer was no.
So the minimizing can come from inside as well as from outside, to be sure.
But that no has cost me so much ~ in a different way now... I'm trying to be so strong but I'm so afraid
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Blue Ridge Mountains
Posts: 816
Always remember that many people hide the true amount of
alcohol they drink and the level of dysfunction in their lives.
She sounds like she wants you to join the "misery loves company"
group and help rationalize her own poor choices. Unhealthy
folks many times resent others getting healthy and try to
sabotage, so don't take the bait. And probably good for you to
be around those who are more supportive & understand.
And.......have you read the "quackers" in the stickies at the top
of this forum? Her remark belongs in there.
alcohol they drink and the level of dysfunction in their lives.
She sounds like she wants you to join the "misery loves company"
group and help rationalize her own poor choices. Unhealthy
folks many times resent others getting healthy and try to
sabotage, so don't take the bait. And probably good for you to
be around those who are more supportive & understand.
And.......have you read the "quackers" in the stickies at the top
of this forum? Her remark belongs in there.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 123
Originally Posted by Forward12
She doesn't sound like she has a clue to what's really going on. I would personally stick with people who actually have lived through it that know what they're talking about.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 123
Originally Posted by mylifeismine
There is a saying on here, marriage is not a suicide pact.
~Someone who is worthy of your love will never
put you in a situation where you feel you must
sacrifice your dignity,your integrity, or your self-
worth to be with them~( STBXAH DID)
and he doesn't care. He told her our marriage failed because of no intimacy....smh
Not because he called me some nasty names and apologized the next day and felt I should just get over it ( how can you be intimate with some one who could call you nasty names when he gets mad)
Not because he was gone out every weekend
Not because he was snoring on the couch every weekday from vodka ...I can go on and on ...
Its down right embarrassing what I endured( which doesn't make me look good) but still I tell the truth
Why won't STBXAH just tell the truth
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Blue Ridge Mountains
Posts: 816
No one knows what the future holds, but I think what you are doing
takes courage and at your core, you know it is what you had to do.
I do think your x is going to crash & burn badly though.
Wise people recognize wisdom in others and also those who
are full of cra@. Don't be embarrassed, he is proving how
incompetent he is as a mature adult, and he may never admit the
truth to himself, much less anyone else.
takes courage and at your core, you know it is what you had to do.
I do think your x is going to crash & burn badly though.
Wise people recognize wisdom in others and also those who
are full of cra@. Don't be embarrassed, he is proving how
incompetent he is as a mature adult, and he may never admit the
truth to himself, much less anyone else.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
