I can't stop drinking.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 392
I can't stop drinking.
I drank yesterday. Missed my counselling session and lost $300. I thought to myself, 'just one'. Ended up being 10. I didn't even challenge the 'just one' thought. Just went and drank and drank.
I booked into a day program this morning. It starts next Monday. The assessor suggested detox/ rehab. I'm terrified. I feel like I should do it but it'd mean admitting it to my ex husband as he'd need to take the kids for the week. He'll use it against me. And my family would find out.
I just wish I could stop this insanity. I make a plan and then don't follow through. I'm so scared I can't do this.
I booked into a day program this morning. It starts next Monday. The assessor suggested detox/ rehab. I'm terrified. I feel like I should do it but it'd mean admitting it to my ex husband as he'd need to take the kids for the week. He'll use it against me. And my family would find out.
I just wish I could stop this insanity. I make a plan and then don't follow through. I'm so scared I can't do this.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,981
Originally Posted by noneever 
I drank yesterday. Missed my counselling session and lost $300. I thought to myself, 'just one'. Ended up being 10. I didn't even challenge the 'just one' thought. Just went and drank and drank.
I booked into a day program this morning. It starts next Monday. The assessor suggested detox/ rehab. I'm terrified. I feel like I should do it but it'd mean admitting it to my ex husband as he'd need to take the kids for the week. He'll use it against me. And my family would find out.
I just wish I could stop this insanity. I make a plan and then don't follow through. I'm so scared I can't do this.
I booked into a day program this morning. It starts next Monday. The assessor suggested detox/ rehab. I'm terrified. I feel like I should do it but it'd mean admitting it to my ex husband as he'd need to take the kids for the week. He'll use it against me. And my family would find out.
I just wish I could stop this insanity. I make a plan and then don't follow through. I'm so scared I can't do this.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
I did all 3 of those!!! It made all the difference in the world for me, as well as following up with a strong recovery plan, which for me is AA/NA centred.
I also dropped my two oldest kids off with their dad and it did get used against me, landed me in family court in a custody battle, my ex filed an ex parte interim parenting order filing for full custody of my two oldest.
What I did: I went to AA since Oct 2015, went through inpatient detox (more than once) saw an addictions counselor for the past 3 years or so, attended a drop in day program for two months, did a 6 week inpatient treatment and continue to attend AA, NA, see my addictions counselor and continue to put my sobriety first.
Bottom line: I could not be a good parent until I could be a sober parent. You have to put yourself and getting sober first. The consequences could get worse for you if you don't.
Do what you can, tell yourself whatever you need to to start formulating a plan and taking the necessary steps. If it takes you doing it for your kids, or your family at the beginning, that's fine. As long as somewhere along the line, you recognize that sobriety is for YOU- if you choose it. You stand to risk losing everything else if you quit drinking. The bottom rung is death.
Make the choice. Do the next right thing. Walking through the beginning of sobriety and its trials can be very emotionally painful. But you will reap the rewards for doing the work.
You are worth it. Your kids are worth it. Your life is valuable and you will have much more of yourself to give once you quit drinking.
No more excuses. At our turning points, we have to realize, to drink or not to drink, is really a choice. You can do this. There are many supports out there for you including us.
I also dropped my two oldest kids off with their dad and it did get used against me, landed me in family court in a custody battle, my ex filed an ex parte interim parenting order filing for full custody of my two oldest.
What I did: I went to AA since Oct 2015, went through inpatient detox (more than once) saw an addictions counselor for the past 3 years or so, attended a drop in day program for two months, did a 6 week inpatient treatment and continue to attend AA, NA, see my addictions counselor and continue to put my sobriety first.
Bottom line: I could not be a good parent until I could be a sober parent. You have to put yourself and getting sober first. The consequences could get worse for you if you don't.
Do what you can, tell yourself whatever you need to to start formulating a plan and taking the necessary steps. If it takes you doing it for your kids, or your family at the beginning, that's fine. As long as somewhere along the line, you recognize that sobriety is for YOU- if you choose it. You stand to risk losing everything else if you quit drinking. The bottom rung is death.
Make the choice. Do the next right thing. Walking through the beginning of sobriety and its trials can be very emotionally painful. But you will reap the rewards for doing the work.
You are worth it. Your kids are worth it. Your life is valuable and you will have much more of yourself to give once you quit drinking.
No more excuses. At our turning points, we have to realize, to drink or not to drink, is really a choice. You can do this. There are many supports out there for you including us.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Hi nooneever - I'm sorry you're struggling.
I understand about rehab and detox and not wanting to tell your ex, but thats got to be better than someone in your community calling Child Services on you to do a welfare check on your kids...
It's not as an unlikely scenario as it might seem...this thing is progressive and we really have no idea where we might end up if we don't stop drinking?
I really hope you grasp this chance with both hands - you deserve better from yourself
D
I understand about rehab and detox and not wanting to tell your ex, but thats got to be better than someone in your community calling Child Services on you to do a welfare check on your kids...
It's not as an unlikely scenario as it might seem...this thing is progressive and we really have no idea where we might end up if we don't stop drinking?
I really hope you grasp this chance with both hands - you deserve better from yourself
D
LexiStrength
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 22
I know it's hard to admit. That's the thing that kept holding me back. I didn't want anyone to know my secret struggle. But then it wasn't such a secret anymore and I had no choice but to face it dead on. It's better for you to be the one to tell your ex husband and children, it'll sound better coming from you. If he finds out in any other way, thats when it could become a problem. What you're doing is courageous! Be proud of yourself. There is no shame in wanting to better yourself. You got this! Good job.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 392
Had a good day today. Went to work, did grocery shopping. Meditated. Had intrusive thoughts of drinking after work, but I just observed the thoughts and didn't get into a discussion or argument about whether or not to drink. It's not an option. It's like suggesting to myself that I go get a bit of heroin- it's not something I do, so why would I?
I'm unsure about rehab. I KNOW I'm going to be told it's 'denial' speaking, but my gut instinct is that it's not the right fit for me. I want to focus on living well, sleeping and eating and doing yoga and meditating. Being with my kids. Being present and mindful. I don't want to be surrounded by other addicts, rehashing the guilt and shame. I'm done with alcohol. I will never drink alcohol again and I will never change my mind.
I'm unsure about rehab. I KNOW I'm going to be told it's 'denial' speaking, but my gut instinct is that it's not the right fit for me. I want to focus on living well, sleeping and eating and doing yoga and meditating. Being with my kids. Being present and mindful. I don't want to be surrounded by other addicts, rehashing the guilt and shame. I'm done with alcohol. I will never drink alcohol again and I will never change my mind.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
have you ever been to rehab to determine if its the right fit for you?
maybe, just maybe, instead of trying to shove all the guilt and shame further in and then having it surface later, causing fear( anxiety) facing it all and learning the causes and conditions of it all will help.
maybe, just maybe, rehab can give you the tools to live a sober life.
your ex and family already know about your drinking. them knowing about going to rehab- a place that will help ya learn to live sober- is a bad thing?
I wouldn't say its denial.
more like trying the easiest,softest way
maybe, just maybe, instead of trying to shove all the guilt and shame further in and then having it surface later, causing fear( anxiety) facing it all and learning the causes and conditions of it all will help.
maybe, just maybe, rehab can give you the tools to live a sober life.
your ex and family already know about your drinking. them knowing about going to rehab- a place that will help ya learn to live sober- is a bad thing?
I wouldn't say its denial.
more like trying the easiest,softest way
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 392
AA is not for me. The people are lovely but the religious nature of the BB turns me off. I think it's a misogynistic, outdated and male centric text which does not resonate with me. I don't need to be scared into sobriety or to be told 'it's this way or else jail, death or institutions' are the outcome. And I hate the trite, pithy sayings in meetings, of which 'easier, softer way' is one. Who is anyone to judge another who is taking a different path to sobriety as taking the easier, softer way? You're not in their shoes, so you have no idea!
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
I can relate to your feeling about rehab. I had exactly the same thing because I had been to rehab previously and it was ineffective. In addition I had learnt all the right little sayings and things to say generally so I could con my way through without anyone getting too up close and personal. So I didn't think it would do any good because I wouldn't give it an honest try. A lot of people tried to convince me to go, but they made it sound like a holiday camp. Whichever way I looked at it, it didn't seem like the right path for me. Not that I was seeing all that clearly at the time. My sponsor suggested I trust my gut and do whatever felt best.
What felt best was AA, and I stuck with that. Most people had walked many miles in my shoes and knew exactly how it was for me. It turned out to be a life saving decision, given that I was the last surviving member of my rehab group that didn't go to AA.
But you are in a different spot. AA isn't for you and that is fine. We simply have a solution that worked for us, and if you know a different way, then I encourage you to follow your conscience, which is what our. big book tells us. We have no monopoly on alcoholism.
If rehab is off the table also, then there are less options remaining. Smart, RR, something along those lines perhaps? The general experience here seems to be that having a plan greatly increases your chances.
What felt best was AA, and I stuck with that. Most people had walked many miles in my shoes and knew exactly how it was for me. It turned out to be a life saving decision, given that I was the last surviving member of my rehab group that didn't go to AA.
But you are in a different spot. AA isn't for you and that is fine. We simply have a solution that worked for us, and if you know a different way, then I encourage you to follow your conscience, which is what our. big book tells us. We have no monopoly on alcoholism.
If rehab is off the table also, then there are less options remaining. Smart, RR, something along those lines perhaps? The general experience here seems to be that having a plan greatly increases your chances.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
