12 years and relapsed
Ant73
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 21
12 years and relapsed
Hi Everyone
I'm Tony 44 years old . At 30 years old I started binge drinking for 2 years after a relationship breakup .They were about 2 weeks at a time were these binges. I would then be that ill that I would stay off it for months then start again , it went on like this for 2 years and my life became a complete mess .This was causing me to have severe panic attacks and slowly agoraphobia crept in. The last straw that made me pack it in for good was I was taken into hospital with alchohol seizures.That was enough to make stop and stayed off drink for 12 years .Anyone who's had them know how nasty they are and of course dangerous.
June last year I had a set back but I never picked a drink up. I had my car stolen, I was burgled and to top that off , I was wrongly arrested of stealing and crashing my own car .I was fast asleep in bed when the police came in and took me to the station. 5 weeks later they found evidence on the airbag (DNA) and all charges dropped on myself. After all this , I still never touched a drink.
The problem was with all the worry of the outcome, I could feel agoraphobia kicking in again and spent from around July till this day being a housebound agoraphobic.
In February this year it started to get too much for me , I went to do some online shopping and found myself ordering a 12 pack of lager. It all started again and I was on another binge session for 2 weeks until violently ill and stopped yet again. 4 days into being sober , I started getting nasty withdrawal symptoms so once again I picked that drink up which was left over in my cupboard. I then drank for 3 days until I decided enough was enough , I don't have any severe withdrawal symptoms over the 3 day binge as I didnt drink that much, just enough daily to take the edge off .
The daft thing is , I don't even like the taste of alchohol, and the 1st can always wants to make me throw up but I carry on. I just did it for the effects and to numb me up and block everything out . I'm kicking myself now after doing so well for 12 years.
Ive been sober now 3 days and intend to keep it that way, I'm just going to have to fight through the next few days , although as mentioned, apart from a headache, I dont have any bad withdrawal symptoms
I will keep you updated on my progress 😀
Thanks
Tony
I'm Tony 44 years old . At 30 years old I started binge drinking for 2 years after a relationship breakup .They were about 2 weeks at a time were these binges. I would then be that ill that I would stay off it for months then start again , it went on like this for 2 years and my life became a complete mess .This was causing me to have severe panic attacks and slowly agoraphobia crept in. The last straw that made me pack it in for good was I was taken into hospital with alchohol seizures.That was enough to make stop and stayed off drink for 12 years .Anyone who's had them know how nasty they are and of course dangerous.
June last year I had a set back but I never picked a drink up. I had my car stolen, I was burgled and to top that off , I was wrongly arrested of stealing and crashing my own car .I was fast asleep in bed when the police came in and took me to the station. 5 weeks later they found evidence on the airbag (DNA) and all charges dropped on myself. After all this , I still never touched a drink.
The problem was with all the worry of the outcome, I could feel agoraphobia kicking in again and spent from around July till this day being a housebound agoraphobic.
In February this year it started to get too much for me , I went to do some online shopping and found myself ordering a 12 pack of lager. It all started again and I was on another binge session for 2 weeks until violently ill and stopped yet again. 4 days into being sober , I started getting nasty withdrawal symptoms so once again I picked that drink up which was left over in my cupboard. I then drank for 3 days until I decided enough was enough , I don't have any severe withdrawal symptoms over the 3 day binge as I didnt drink that much, just enough daily to take the edge off .
The daft thing is , I don't even like the taste of alchohol, and the 1st can always wants to make me throw up but I carry on. I just did it for the effects and to numb me up and block everything out . I'm kicking myself now after doing so well for 12 years.
Ive been sober now 3 days and intend to keep it that way, I'm just going to have to fight through the next few days , although as mentioned, apart from a headache, I dont have any bad withdrawal symptoms
I will keep you updated on my progress 😀
Thanks
Tony
All is Change
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,282
Thank you Tony. It's good to be reminded to keep vigilant and continue to develop coping skills. Life gets so much better when sober but it's still those times when everything falls apart that are the kicker. A reminder to plan for those too.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
Hi Tony and welcome to SR 
Do you have any face to face support in place? For me, having an addictions counselor, and a counselor, and having support groups in place and sober contacts were really crucial to my sobriety. There are a variety of different ways to maintain sobriety, it helps to build a recovery plan and try out different things to see what works best for you.
You've done it before so you can definitely do it again.
Do you have any face to face support in place? For me, having an addictions counselor, and a counselor, and having support groups in place and sober contacts were really crucial to my sobriety. There are a variety of different ways to maintain sobriety, it helps to build a recovery plan and try out different things to see what works best for you.
You've done it before so you can definitely do it again.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Hi Tony welcome to SR. You have so much more sober time than me that I don't think I'm in a position to give advice other than this: just because you don't have severe withdrawal symptoms or seizures, it doesn't mean you are not in a precarious situation. Maybe not in danger health-wise, but in danger of becoming a slave to alcoholism once again. I hope that is not the case.
Ant73
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 21
Originally Posted by Delizadee 
Hi Tony and welcome to SR
Do you have any face to face support in place? For me, having an addictions counselor, and a counselor, and having support groups in place and sober contacts were really crucial to my sobriety. There are a variety of different ways to maintain sobriety, it helps to build a recovery plan and try out different things to see what works best for you.
You've done it before so you can definitely do it again.
Do you have any face to face support in place? For me, having an addictions counselor, and a counselor, and having support groups in place and sober contacts were really crucial to my sobriety. There are a variety of different ways to maintain sobriety, it helps to build a recovery plan and try out different things to see what works best for you.
You've done it before so you can definitely do it again.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,981
I battle with pretty bad agoraphobia/anxiety myself and feel your pain. Getting into therapy and possibly medications can be a great help, otherwise as you've found out, playing with alcohol leads to nothing but disaster.
Perhaps if you're up to it, you should take your neighbor's offer to go to AA with him.
Perhaps if you're up to it, you should take your neighbor's offer to go to AA with him.
Ant73
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 21
Originally Posted by Forward12
I battle with pretty bad agoraphobia/anxiety myself and feel your pain. Getting into therapy and possibly medications can be a great help, otherwise as you've found out, playing with alcohol leads to nothing but disaster.
Perhaps if you're up to it, you should take your neighbor's offer to go to AA with him.
Perhaps if you're up to it, you should take your neighbor's offer to go to AA with him.
I'll definitely be taking the neighbours offer up yes attending the AA , as well as support from the AA , It will help with exposure therapy with the agoraphobia. There are quite a few meetings local every night so don't really have to travel far
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,187
Welcome to SR Tony and good luck
I hope that the CBT does help with the agoraphobia as that must be hard to live with. I have a friend of a friend who is agoraphobic, it struck him when he was in his 40s and he rarely drank alcohol so maybe yours was not totally down to drinking.
I hope that the CBT does help with the agoraphobia as that must be hard to live with. I have a friend of a friend who is agoraphobic, it struck him when he was in his 40s and he rarely drank alcohol so maybe yours was not totally down to drinking.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: CA
Posts: 1,060
Welcome Tony to SR! Sorry to hear of your relapse but thank you for the insight you provided. It reinforces that we are vulnerable to relapse if we don't keep our sobriety a priority. Good luck Tony and keep coming back.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,537
Welcome Tony! It's great to meet you.
I had 3 yrs. once & then went back out for 7 yrs. So I completely understand. After joining SR I found the courage to get my life back - and I have 9 yrs. sober. So I know you can do this.
I had 3 yrs. once & then went back out for 7 yrs. So I completely understand. After joining SR I found the courage to get my life back - and I have 9 yrs. sober. So I know you can do this.
Ant73
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 21
Originally Posted by Hevyn
Welcome Tony! It's great to meet you.
I had 3 yrs. once & then went back out for 7 yrs. So I completely understand. After joining SR I found the courage to get my life back - and I have 9 yrs. sober. So I know you can do this.
I had 3 yrs. once & then went back out for 7 yrs. So I completely understand. After joining SR I found the courage to get my life back - and I have 9 yrs. sober. So I know you can do this.
Ant73
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 21
Originally Posted by Dee74
Hi and welcoem Ant - you're sentence about feeling sick but poushing through was what I did everyday by the end...madness really.
Thankfully there is a sober life after all that
D
Thankfully there is a sober life after all that
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Welcome, Tony.
A friend of mine has nearly died - a few times by his own attempts - in the past year. His binges and 'detoxing' cycles got so bad they all became one. He's wound up homeless and in a psych ward....
I'm glad you're here and staying sober. Because that's no fate for anyone and it's where all this leads.
A friend of mine has nearly died - a few times by his own attempts - in the past year. His binges and 'detoxing' cycles got so bad they all became one. He's wound up homeless and in a psych ward....
I'm glad you're here and staying sober. Because that's no fate for anyone and it's where all this leads.
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