Could Use some help Here
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 3
Could Use some help Here
I have a friend. (Not Me)
He drinks very heavy during the weekends, (beer) . Possibly smoking Pot as well. To the point were he is either is coming in late to work or does not come in at all.
If he does come in he is under the influence of alcohol with Speech slurred, hands and body shaky, and smells like death and alcohol.
THe problem is not only being at work like this in early mornings, but he is getting here that way.
He drives himself, He has already done almost 9,000 in damages to his brand new car. Ran into the back of someone. He had less than 20miles on his car at that time.
He even has been caught several time bringing in beer to work and drinking it within an hour of coming in.
I have spoke to him several times. trying not to get into heated arguments. Each time does not make a difference. Saying he doesn't care.
Each time telling me he wants to either die or hurt himself badly. The problem with this by driving the way he is he will end up hurting someone else or worse.
I have asked his to seek counseling, see a rehab specialist.
He refused. I do not know when he will be coming into work in this condition.
What should I do? Inform police of his driving condition? His condition is getting worse, sometimes going days without changing clothes or bathing. He smells of death sometimes.
He drinks very heavy during the weekends, (beer) . Possibly smoking Pot as well. To the point were he is either is coming in late to work or does not come in at all.
If he does come in he is under the influence of alcohol with Speech slurred, hands and body shaky, and smells like death and alcohol.
THe problem is not only being at work like this in early mornings, but he is getting here that way.
He drives himself, He has already done almost 9,000 in damages to his brand new car. Ran into the back of someone. He had less than 20miles on his car at that time.
He even has been caught several time bringing in beer to work and drinking it within an hour of coming in.
I have spoke to him several times. trying not to get into heated arguments. Each time does not make a difference. Saying he doesn't care.
Each time telling me he wants to either die or hurt himself badly. The problem with this by driving the way he is he will end up hurting someone else or worse.
I have asked his to seek counseling, see a rehab specialist.
He refused. I do not know when he will be coming into work in this condition.
What should I do? Inform police of his driving condition? His condition is getting worse, sometimes going days without changing clothes or bathing. He smells of death sometimes.
Friendly Folk
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Powers Lake, Wisconsin
Posts: 21,691
Tough call. Harming himself is one thing, but, he sounds dangerous to others. If you see him getting into a car to drive drunk...Stop him! If he resists I would tell him you are calling the police. Detain him until help arrives. Drunk people do not know what they are doing. You will be saving lives.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,258
sorry to hear you are dealing with this situation. one thing we have to realise though as nobody can help the addict/alcoholic until they are ready. He is showing all the signs, and its very very sad and scary. Pray. Say you are there to help.
I think the boss in the situation can handle it?
Hang in there. hope things are okay today.
I think the boss in the situation can handle it?
Hang in there. hope things are okay today.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome informed4life. As others have mentioned, there's really not much you can do as your friend will need to make the decision to quit on his own. It's frustrating but true unfortunately, but there isn't really much you can say or do at this point. If you do know for a fact that he's driving intoxicated I would personally report it myself, he's a danger to others on the road as well.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
I would be asking my self how will I feel if someone gets hurt, or worse, and I had done nothing. Could I live with that?
Perhaps you could have a look for an online copy of the book Alcoholics Anonymous. It has a chapter entitled "To Employers" and has some very useful suggestions to deal with the alcoholic in the work place.
Enabling him is not a great idea. I had an employer like that. Each time they covered for me, I just got worse. The ones that really helped were the ones that fired me, made me face the consequences of my actions. The same goes for my friends. You are dealing with a sick person. If he doesn't want help to get over his drinking, then the best course is to detach. The worst thing to do is cover for him.
Perhaps you could have a look for an online copy of the book Alcoholics Anonymous. It has a chapter entitled "To Employers" and has some very useful suggestions to deal with the alcoholic in the work place.
Enabling him is not a great idea. I had an employer like that. Each time they covered for me, I just got worse. The ones that really helped were the ones that fired me, made me face the consequences of my actions. The same goes for my friends. You are dealing with a sick person. If he doesn't want help to get over his drinking, then the best course is to detach. The worst thing to do is cover for him.
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 847
You could point out to him that if he loses his job on account of drinking, that he will no longer be able to afford to buy alcohol. The same goes in the case of the driving privileges, which will be gone if he gets caught DUI, or worse, if he hurts someone.
Tell him to look up the DUI penalties in your state online, and point out that anyone could potentially call it in. Alcohol is his top priority, and that might get his attention, even if only to protect the drinking.
Tell him to look up the DUI penalties in your state online, and point out that anyone could potentially call it in. Alcohol is his top priority, and that might get his attention, even if only to protect the drinking.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
You are in an unenviable position of having to be the responsible one and report him if he's driving drunk. As far as his problem....its HIS problem ultimately. Sounds like he's in pretty deep and he sounds depressed. Hope he seeks help.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.
Lots of good responses here and I think you have a pretty good idea what you need to do.
This?
Not saying this isn't true, I'm sure it is. However, us alcoholics like to divert those trying to help us from the issue at hand. Our drinking. That statement is meant to solicit sympathy from you so you'll leave the subject matter alone. It puts it all back on you. It's meant to make you feel bad if you're thinking of telling.
The best thing you can do for him is what's been suggested here. It's the best help you can give and don't ever look back and feel bad for doing it. You may have saved his life and the life of others.
Lots of good responses here and I think you have a pretty good idea what you need to do.
This?
Each time telling me he wants to either die or hurt himself badly.
The best thing you can do for him is what's been suggested here. It's the best help you can give and don't ever look back and feel bad for doing it. You may have saved his life and the life of others.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 3
I
Thanks for the advise.
Unfortunately the friend is a business partner.
As an employer I can force rehab or drug, alcohol test.
We do have an employee hand book and violations for substance abuse in the work place....but he was so bad he was using it as a coaster for his beer. (9am)
It is very difficult to fire someone in this position even more difficult to separate or get a partner the help he needs.
The sad thing is he is involved with a live in girlfriend...I would have hoped she may get him help as well...but unfortunately I think she has gone down this path as well.
Unfortunately the friend is a business partner.
As an employer I can force rehab or drug, alcohol test.
We do have an employee hand book and violations for substance abuse in the work place....but he was so bad he was using it as a coaster for his beer. (9am)
It is very difficult to fire someone in this position even more difficult to separate or get a partner the help he needs.
The sad thing is he is involved with a live in girlfriend...I would have hoped she may get him help as well...but unfortunately I think she has gone down this path as well.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
oh, no.
If it were me, I'd start disentangling myself from him, and if you can't flat-out fire him, dissolving the business. Get an attorney STAT. You said you can force rehab, or you can't? If you can, start there...but I'd be getting the business out of his name or whatever you have to do to protect yourself right away. He's pretty far gone.
It's not going to get better.
If it were me, I'd start disentangling myself from him, and if you can't flat-out fire him, dissolving the business. Get an attorney STAT. You said you can force rehab, or you can't? If you can, start there...but I'd be getting the business out of his name or whatever you have to do to protect yourself right away. He's pretty far gone.
It's not going to get better.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Great Outdoors
Posts: 1,992
I am retired now...but was in a field that worked very closely with Human Resources. If an employee smelled of liquor...or acted as if he were under the influence of any kind, a ride would be provided to take him in for a urine test. Results of that test would bring on the consequence of either termination on the spot...or mandatory rehab. Their choice. Almost all went to rehab. Results were promising. This guy you speak of is headed for disaster. Would be a shame for him to take others out as well.
I would think just reporting to work drunk would call for an escort out the door!
I would think just reporting to work drunk would call for an escort out the door!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
So, are you his manager, his employer, or an equal partner? All of the above? Is there anyone else in your workplace you can turn to who handles situations like this, such as a human resource dept? If not, it may be up to you to confront him. What you are describing here sounds flat out unacceptable. I don't know the nature of his job tasks, but he could hurt others because the drinking will impact his ability on the job and decision making skills.
Drinking and driving? Definitely unacceptable. As concerned citizens we have a basic obligation to do what we can if other people may be hurt by drinking and driving. Obviously he needs help. I know this troubles you, so good luck; you have our support. I've had to deal with people showing up to work under the influence and it's not fun, but looking the other way, covering for them and doing nothing about it isn't good either.
Drinking and driving? Definitely unacceptable. As concerned citizens we have a basic obligation to do what we can if other people may be hurt by drinking and driving. Obviously he needs help. I know this troubles you, so good luck; you have our support. I've had to deal with people showing up to work under the influence and it's not fun, but looking the other way, covering for them and doing nothing about it isn't good either.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by Informed4life 
Thanks for the advise.
Unfortunately the friend is a business partner.
As an employer I can force rehab or drug, alcohol test.
We do have an employee hand book and violations for substance abuse in the work place....but he was so bad he was using it as a coaster for his beer. (9am)
It is very difficult to fire someone in this position even more difficult to separate or get a partner the help he needs.
The sad thing is he is involved with a live in girlfriend...I would have hoped she may get him help as well...but unfortunately I think she has gone down this path as well.
Unfortunately the friend is a business partner.
As an employer I can force rehab or drug, alcohol test.
We do have an employee hand book and violations for substance abuse in the work place....but he was so bad he was using it as a coaster for his beer. (9am)
It is very difficult to fire someone in this position even more difficult to separate or get a partner the help he needs.
The sad thing is he is involved with a live in girlfriend...I would have hoped she may get him help as well...but unfortunately I think she has gone down this path as well.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 3
Originally Posted by thomas11
I'm a bit confused. Is he your business partner, or is he a business partner of the company you work at?
He spends nearly 8min out of every hour in the bathroom. On several occasions he has gone home because he has soiled himself. He no longer eats during the day and has lost a lot of weight. He does drink cola during the day (about a liter) NO WATER
As far as driving there is no way to know which day he will come in this way. If I smell it I ask and he gets very confrontational.
I imagine since this weekend being Saint Patric's Weekend it will get very bad. One of few things may happen
One he may not come in On Monday
Two come in under the influence and stay in his office for a few hours.
Three come in very late with an excuse.
After several attempts to get him to the doctor, Rehab or counselor he has refused.
My worse feeling is if he eventually does drive and severally injures someone or worse.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
What would you do if you knew a total stranger was driving drunk and endangering people?
What would you do if a total stranger was endangering people at work by being drunk?
Me - these days - I'd call the police or notify the employer. In fact right around Christmas I called 911 on a suspected drink driver as I saw him crossing the center lane into oncoming traffic multiple times.
Me - these days - even if it had been my friend in that car crossing the center lane into oncoming traffic, I'd call the police.
Because it is not ever going to be m appeals that get a person to seek help or sobriety.... it is going to be THEIR OWN CONSEQUENCES brought on by their own choices. My presence as an example can be powerful. My suggestions and advice when asked for can be powerful....
But the only thing that gets a person to the place they're willing to get help is getting beat up enough by their own consequences. Sometimes, the most caring and supportive 'help' you can give a person is precisely those consequences.
What would you do if a total stranger was endangering people at work by being drunk?
Me - these days - I'd call the police or notify the employer. In fact right around Christmas I called 911 on a suspected drink driver as I saw him crossing the center lane into oncoming traffic multiple times.
Me - these days - even if it had been my friend in that car crossing the center lane into oncoming traffic, I'd call the police.
Because it is not ever going to be m appeals that get a person to seek help or sobriety.... it is going to be THEIR OWN CONSEQUENCES brought on by their own choices. My presence as an example can be powerful. My suggestions and advice when asked for can be powerful....
But the only thing that gets a person to the place they're willing to get help is getting beat up enough by their own consequences. Sometimes, the most caring and supportive 'help' you can give a person is precisely those consequences.
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