No fun
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Saskatoon, SK
Posts: 80
No fun
Over supper tonight my 10 year old daughter said I'm no fun anymore, so boring and not always the guy that makes everyone laugh all the time anymore, and she misses the weekend parties when we always have people over or go out to other people's places, we still do stuff with friends but I guess she's right the party part of it is over, I'm ok with it but to be honest it kinda bothered me that she said I'm not fun anymore, my son on the other side said he loves the new me, which made me feel way better, just somthimg I can't stop thinking about since supper so thought I'd share, day 84 is almost in the books.
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Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I think the change when we get sober must be especially difficult for kids.
Keep in mind that this is only a relatively recent change - 84 days might feel like an eternity to us, but it's really not that long for other people to get used to the new us.
I worried I'd never have fun again too - I think I was a little afraid to really 'let go' for a while in case it led me back to where I didn't want to be...but I got over that.
I have great fun now - more fun that I ever had drinking.
I love my sober life and the sober me - I'm sure you and your daughter will too, given time
D
Keep in mind that this is only a relatively recent change - 84 days might feel like an eternity to us, but it's really not that long for other people to get used to the new us.
I worried I'd never have fun again too - I think I was a little afraid to really 'let go' for a while in case it led me back to where I didn't want to be...but I got over that.
I have great fun now - more fun that I ever had drinking.
I love my sober life and the sober me - I'm sure you and your daughter will too, given time
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Saskatoon, SK
Posts: 80
Originally Posted by Dee74 
I think the change when we get sober must be especially difficult for kids.
Keep in mind that this is only a relatively recent change - 84 days might feel like an eternity to us, but it's really not that long for other people to get used to the new us.
I worried I'd never have fun again too - I think I was a little afraid to really 'let go' for a while in case it led me back to where I didn't want to be...but I got over that.
I have great fun now - more fun that I ever had drinking.
I love my sober life and the sober me - I'm sure you and your daughter will too, given time
D
Keep in mind that this is only a relatively recent change - 84 days might feel like an eternity to us, but it's really not that long for other people to get used to the new us.
I worried I'd never have fun again too - I think I was a little afraid to really 'let go' for a while in case it led me back to where I didn't want to be...but I got over that.
I have great fun now - more fun that I ever had drinking.
I love my sober life and the sober me - I'm sure you and your daughter will too, given time
D
Funny about the days thing, I only started counting days since I joined this forum on day 48, seems everyone posts days so I went back and counted, lol.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Saskatoon, SK
Posts: 80
Originally Posted by Anna
This might be a good time to start doing something fun with your daughter on the weekends. What kind of things does she like to do?
We stayed home from the ski hill this weekend because she has ball tryouts, I know she's really looking forward to summer as always, she lives in the water in the summer, her ideal day is out on the lake swimming off the boat or riding the ATV's, couple months we will be doing that again.
I'm not sure what I could with her that I don't already, she is a very social person and just enjoys having lots of people around which is what she misses I think, I should ask her if there's something else she would like to do together.
I'm sure she'll see that by summer
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Not sure I was much 'fun' at just short of 3 months sober either. I was just finding my feet and learning how to Live Sober. To be honest, I hadn't even put together a proper plan for my recovery let alone working on one. I was miserable and withdrawn much of the time. But that was a transient stage.
Also, bear in mind the bigger picture with your daughter. I used to get away with plenty of stuff with my drunk dad that would have been nipped in the bud if he'd stopped drinking (not that that actually happened). But just because I'd have been disappointed that I wasn't getting away with stuff, it wouldn't mean that my dad being sober and a more responsible parent wouldn't have been a massive benefit to me. (Friends I know in recovery also say that when they were drinking they would give a lot of guilt based gifts, appeasing their inner discomfort at being emotionally unavailable. Might it be that something similar was happening when you were drinking? ).
A ten year old doesn't have the wisdom to choose what they need long term over what they want for instant gratification. And for the most part, the active alcoholic doesn't either. It took me a long time to develop any wisdom (and make choices based on long term serenity over instant gratification ). I'm so grateful that I got myself a sponsor who could share her wisdom with me while I scraped some together for myself.
You know, if you stay sober and get some healthy sobriety, in ten or twenty years, if that daughter of yours gets married, she won't need to be worrying how you're likely to behave on her big day, and whether it's safe to even invite you to her wedding. She will be able to trust you implicitly with her own children. Much as she might be missing that gregarious, indulgent or impulsive drunk that you may have been in her eyes, she will have exchanged you for a rock and a guiding light. Which would you prefer to be really?
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB
Also, bear in mind the bigger picture with your daughter. I used to get away with plenty of stuff with my drunk dad that would have been nipped in the bud if he'd stopped drinking (not that that actually happened). But just because I'd have been disappointed that I wasn't getting away with stuff, it wouldn't mean that my dad being sober and a more responsible parent wouldn't have been a massive benefit to me. (Friends I know in recovery also say that when they were drinking they would give a lot of guilt based gifts, appeasing their inner discomfort at being emotionally unavailable. Might it be that something similar was happening when you were drinking? ).
A ten year old doesn't have the wisdom to choose what they need long term over what they want for instant gratification. And for the most part, the active alcoholic doesn't either. It took me a long time to develop any wisdom (and make choices based on long term serenity over instant gratification ). I'm so grateful that I got myself a sponsor who could share her wisdom with me while I scraped some together for myself.
You know, if you stay sober and get some healthy sobriety, in ten or twenty years, if that daughter of yours gets married, she won't need to be worrying how you're likely to behave on her big day, and whether it's safe to even invite you to her wedding. She will be able to trust you implicitly with her own children. Much as she might be missing that gregarious, indulgent or impulsive drunk that you may have been in her eyes, she will have exchanged you for a rock and a guiding light. Which would you prefer to be really?
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
My kids were just starting grade school
back in 1990 when I entered recovery
beginning in a 28 day rehab facility.
Because they were so young and didn't
understand addiction and recovery I slowly
began to share with them my experiences
with attending my AA meetings. There were
a few times with school holidays that they
came with me to a meeting. They were exposed
to what these meetings were and how important
they were in helping me remain sober each day.
Eventually I began baking for many of
my meetings as service work which helped
me stay on top of my meetings to continue
listening, learning, absorbing and applying
important lessons to my everyday life.
This service work became an important
part of my own recovery. In doing so my
children could see how happy I was to
cook for others who were also learning
to live sober.
If I was happy and content in recovery,
addiction free and my family could see
that in me then family life was cool.
I wasn't afraid to teach my kids of
the dangers and addiction because
they saw me in the hospital for 10
day when I had my car accident in
Feb 1990 then when they couldn't
wake me up in Aug 1990 then taken
away in to rehab.
They were aware of the progression
of this disease, illness and how being
in recovery was so important
to remain sober and not go back to
the insanity that comes with it.
When kids get to that age with peer
pressures, parties, driving, all those
important yrs in their young adult
lives, with me being in recovery I
was able to give them first hand
information on the dangers of drinking
or doing drugs while driving because
they saw what happened to me and
have the pictures to prove it. And it
wasn't pretty.
I did the best I could in teaching them
until I had to let go of them to begin their
own lives and thank God all that information,
sunk in because both of them survived
those tough yrs in high school and college
staying busy with school and band, and
hanging with the right friends to become
addiction free, healthy, happy, talented,
parents of their own today.
What a blessing and gift to have in recovery.
back in 1990 when I entered recovery
beginning in a 28 day rehab facility.
Because they were so young and didn't
understand addiction and recovery I slowly
began to share with them my experiences
with attending my AA meetings. There were
a few times with school holidays that they
came with me to a meeting. They were exposed
to what these meetings were and how important
they were in helping me remain sober each day.
Eventually I began baking for many of
my meetings as service work which helped
me stay on top of my meetings to continue
listening, learning, absorbing and applying
important lessons to my everyday life.
This service work became an important
part of my own recovery. In doing so my
children could see how happy I was to
cook for others who were also learning
to live sober.
If I was happy and content in recovery,
addiction free and my family could see
that in me then family life was cool.
I wasn't afraid to teach my kids of
the dangers and addiction because
they saw me in the hospital for 10
day when I had my car accident in
Feb 1990 then when they couldn't
wake me up in Aug 1990 then taken
away in to rehab.
They were aware of the progression
of this disease, illness and how being
in recovery was so important
to remain sober and not go back to
the insanity that comes with it.
When kids get to that age with peer
pressures, parties, driving, all those
important yrs in their young adult
lives, with me being in recovery I
was able to give them first hand
information on the dangers of drinking
or doing drugs while driving because
they saw what happened to me and
have the pictures to prove it. And it
wasn't pretty.
I did the best I could in teaching them
until I had to let go of them to begin their
own lives and thank God all that information,
sunk in because both of them survived
those tough yrs in high school and college
staying busy with school and band, and
hanging with the right friends to become
addiction free, healthy, happy, talented,
parents of their own today.
What a blessing and gift to have in recovery.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Australia
Posts: 68
Daddy-Daughter movie or bowling nights. Catch a coffee and cake, just the 2 of you. Let her have some friends over for a sleep over on what would have been party night and whet her social appetite?
As mentioned, being in early recovery we probably aren't the big personality, funny, carefree person we used to be- we have allot of other stuff to focus on right now!!!But I am seeing more of that return to me as I stay sober, and am hoping this will continue. Hopefully the same will be the case for you mate. As mentioned, if you are not drinking, and following a recovery plan, you are becoming a better you, and over time she will see that. Stick to your guns and congrats on 84!!
As mentioned, being in early recovery we probably aren't the big personality, funny, carefree person we used to be- we have allot of other stuff to focus on right now!!!But I am seeing more of that return to me as I stay sober, and am hoping this will continue. Hopefully the same will be the case for you mate. As mentioned, if you are not drinking, and following a recovery plan, you are becoming a better you, and over time she will see that. Stick to your guns and congrats on 84!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Perth WA
Posts: 150
Originally Posted by gettingsmarter
You know what you have done is put a crimp in the generational alcoholic cycle. You kids will get to see how real life works. Congrats on 84.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Perth WA
Posts: 150
Originally Posted by Berrybean
To be honest, I hadn't even put together a proper plan for my recovery let alone working on one. I was miserable and withdrawn much of the time.
Also, bear in mind the bigger picture with your daughter. I used to get away with plenty of stuff with my drunk dad that would have been nipped in the bud if he'd stopped drinking (not that that actually happened). But just because I'd have been disappointed that I wasn't getting away with stuff, it wouldn't mean that my dad being sober and a more responsible parent wouldn't have been a massive benefit to me. (Friends I know in recovery also say that when they were drinking they would give a lot of guilt based gifts, appeasing their inner discomfort at being emotionally unavailable. Might it be that something similar was happening when you were drinking? ).
A ten year old doesn't have the wisdom to choose what they need long term over what they want for instant gratification. And for the most part, the active alcoholic doesn't either. It took me a long time to develop any wisdom (and make choices based on long term serenity over instant gratification ). . BB
Also, bear in mind the bigger picture with your daughter. I used to get away with plenty of stuff with my drunk dad that would have been nipped in the bud if he'd stopped drinking (not that that actually happened). But just because I'd have been disappointed that I wasn't getting away with stuff, it wouldn't mean that my dad being sober and a more responsible parent wouldn't have been a massive benefit to me. (Friends I know in recovery also say that when they were drinking they would give a lot of guilt based gifts, appeasing their inner discomfort at being emotionally unavailable. Might it be that something similar was happening when you were drinking? ).
A ten year old doesn't have the wisdom to choose what they need long term over what they want for instant gratification. And for the most part, the active alcoholic doesn't either. It took me a long time to develop any wisdom (and make choices based on long term serenity over instant gratification ). . BB
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Originally Posted by bluedog97
Boy kids sure shoot it straight don't they?
I thought life was supposed to be a big party. Even when I was alone, drinking myself into oblivion.
Congrats on your sober time.
I thought life was supposed to be a big party. Even when I was alone, drinking myself into oblivion.
Congrats on your sober time.
As the child of an alcoholic, whose mom's drinking took off when I was 11 and the chaos continued into my 20s, it took a LONG time for me to trust her sobriety. Your daughter could be testing you a little, even without realizing it - "when is fun parent coming back?" Fun might not REALLY mean fun. Children want to feel safe, and believe that a trustworthy parent is back (or there for the first time, depending on the situation). Personally, there were a lot of starts and stops in my relationship with my mom as there were in her attempts (sincere and half-cocked) to get and stay sober. Also....change is scary- sometimes (especially when we are young) a "known" negative is more normal and understood than a "new" positive.
As we say in AA, time takes time. Way to go on heading to 90 days! Great accomplishment- and still early days. I believe if we keep doing the right, sober things, we have the best shot at our loved ones believing in us again; I know that going back out drinking would have killed any chance of that and been no fun for ANYONE in the big picture.
Good luck.
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 5
She will adapt in no time. You being an addict in her life would be a LOT more destructive on her as she gets older than her missing out & adjusting to u not being drunk & partying.
There's no way around it.
Stick to being clean is the best option for the long run no questions asked..
My father was an alcoholic, & as a kid I used to love just taking the dogs in to woods & shooting cans with bb guns fishing, random bonding stuff, but it rarely ever happened because he was usually always in withdrawal or to drunk to care to do that stuff, & I think Not doing those bonding things with him had a huge negative impact throughout my teen years.
So stay clean & do other stuff with them like the bonding activities, they'll have a blast & theyll remember those times throughout their whole lives.
There's no way around it.
Stick to being clean is the best option for the long run no questions asked..
My father was an alcoholic, & as a kid I used to love just taking the dogs in to woods & shooting cans with bb guns fishing, random bonding stuff, but it rarely ever happened because he was usually always in withdrawal or to drunk to care to do that stuff, & I think Not doing those bonding things with him had a huge negative impact throughout my teen years.
So stay clean & do other stuff with them like the bonding activities, they'll have a blast & theyll remember those times throughout their whole lives.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Day 84 is fantastic!! 
She may say that now, but give it time and in hindsight when she's a bit older, having a Sober dad will mean the world to her, that you made the changes necessary in your life for your family!!
She may say that now, but give it time and in hindsight when she's a bit older, having a Sober dad will mean the world to her, that you made the changes necessary in your life for your family!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Saskatoon, SK
Posts: 80
I think my Daughter might be seeing the benefits of having sober Dad around, tomorrow is her school ski trip and I worked this past Sunday so I could have it off and go on the trip, something hungover me might not have done.
And she is even more excited to show off her ski patrol Dad to her friends, I said should I just come and snowboard or should I wear the jacket and patrol, defiantly patrol she said, lol.
So looking forward to the trip tomorrow, it will be a lot of fun.
My son is only in grade 3 and the trip is for grade 5 and up but I'm pulling him from school and bringing him along, he wasn't about to complain about that decision, lol.
And she is even more excited to show off her ski patrol Dad to her friends, I said should I just come and snowboard or should I wear the jacket and patrol, defiantly patrol she said, lol.
So looking forward to the trip tomorrow, it will be a lot of fun.
My son is only in grade 3 and the trip is for grade 5 and up but I'm pulling him from school and bringing him along, he wasn't about to complain about that decision, lol.
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Hey, Sportdeck. This is definitely the cynical former teacher in me talking, but when your daughter told you you were no fun anymore, had you just laid down a boundary with her, or put the squash on something she wanted or wanted to do?
Sounds a little bit like a lash-out for not getting what she wanted.
But...I don't know your daughter. Maybe she isn't that kind of kid at all.
Fwiw, you sound like you are very present in your children's lives, and that is a really good thing. Peace.
Sounds a little bit like a lash-out for not getting what she wanted.
But...I don't know your daughter. Maybe she isn't that kind of kid at all.
Fwiw, you sound like you are very present in your children's lives, and that is a really good thing. Peace.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
I'm very sorry to hear your daughter feels that way. But you know that the older she gets and the more you drink, her thinking will change for the worse. Kids that age are not too crazy about any kinds of changes in their lives. Try to look at it this way. When she becomes a teenager, she's gonna appreciate a sober parent that can help quide her when she needs it most. John
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