137 Days
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: CA
Posts: 967
137 Days
Just wanted to give an update since I have not posted in awhile. The good news is that I have 137 days today and taking in all of the benefits of sobriety. Things have also been difficult, however. My husband got back into meth a couple months ago. I think he was dabbling in it prior to that, but the symptoms and come down were not as severe as what started happening 2 months ago. He would do meth while at work about once every 10-14 days. The come downs were horrendous, and he basically turned into the devil for about two days. He would call me names, not let me sleep, and was very bizarre, paranoid and frenzied. Not good at all. I ended up having to call the police one of the nights because he crossed my physical boundary by tossing a cell phone at me and swiping at me when I was on the phone telling my dad that he was coming down from meth. He has never before ever laid a hand on me, and even though these two things were very minor, I got scared and called the police after being up for 8 hours with him verbally terrorizing me. He was arrested for battery but no charges were filed, which was fine with me. He persuaded me to bail him out of jail so that he would not lose his job.
So, I have basically now been introduced to the effects of meth, which I so much despise. Coping with my husband when he drinks and can sometimes be verbally belligerent is one thing, but dealing with meth is soooo much worse because it lasts longer and causes him to become so evil. He did meth again 13 days after getting out of jail. So, I got both my family and his mother involved. We are all on the same page that if he does meth again, he has to leave our apartment since this is not at all fair for me to have to be around and endure that type of verbal abuse and chaotic lifestyle. He does not want to get any outside help. So far, he has been sober from meth 10 days (we agreed it is fine with us if he smokes pot and has his 3-4 beers daily since that lifestyle is not really causing any impairment for anyone at the time).
I am unsure if the threat of losing his marriage, his apartment, his puppy, and our 2 week vacation coming up in April is keeping him sober from meth or if those things can keep him off of it. I am just so fortunate to have my sobriety or I most likely would have been taken down with him during this chaotic time since I would have been drinking and getting drunk and losing my ability to reason and think clearly.
So, I have basically now been introduced to the effects of meth, which I so much despise. Coping with my husband when he drinks and can sometimes be verbally belligerent is one thing, but dealing with meth is soooo much worse because it lasts longer and causes him to become so evil. He did meth again 13 days after getting out of jail. So, I got both my family and his mother involved. We are all on the same page that if he does meth again, he has to leave our apartment since this is not at all fair for me to have to be around and endure that type of verbal abuse and chaotic lifestyle. He does not want to get any outside help. So far, he has been sober from meth 10 days (we agreed it is fine with us if he smokes pot and has his 3-4 beers daily since that lifestyle is not really causing any impairment for anyone at the time).
I am unsure if the threat of losing his marriage, his apartment, his puppy, and our 2 week vacation coming up in April is keeping him sober from meth or if those things can keep him off of it. I am just so fortunate to have my sobriety or I most likely would have been taken down with him during this chaotic time since I would have been drinking and getting drunk and losing my ability to reason and think clearly.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,187
Congratulations on maintaining your own sobriety through those traumatic events FreedomCA.
I think you are absolutely right in asserting that he would have to leave your apartment and possibly lose his marriage if he were to use again as you cannot risk a repeat of the physical violence. Had he still jave been in jail waiting for you to bail him then i might have suggested that he accepted help as a condition of of being bailed. As it is I really hope he does try and help himself and realise how close he is to losing everything.
In the meantime do everthing you need to do in order to protect yourseĺf and your sobriety.
I think you are absolutely right in asserting that he would have to leave your apartment and possibly lose his marriage if he were to use again as you cannot risk a repeat of the physical violence. Had he still jave been in jail waiting for you to bail him then i might have suggested that he accepted help as a condition of of being bailed. As it is I really hope he does try and help himself and realise how close he is to losing everything.
In the meantime do everthing you need to do in order to protect yourseĺf and your sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 1,095
I am right where you are - 138 days sober and my wife still drinks everyday - some days she gets belligerent when drunk.
All you can do is try to set a good example by being sober and if you say you are going to kick him out if he does meth again then go through with it - if you don't follow through on your threats he will think you are full of it and continue the abuse.
Good luck.
All you can do is try to set a good example by being sober and if you say you are going to kick him out if he does meth again then go through with it - if you don't follow through on your threats he will think you are full of it and continue the abuse.
Good luck.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
Congrats on over a third of a year! 
And if your husband crosses your boundaries, enforce them so he'll know you mean it. Let him feel the crash if he falls. I wish you the best. 
And if your husband crosses your boundaries, enforce them so he'll know you mean it. Let him feel the crash if he falls. I wish you the best. Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Florida
Posts: 298
Wow. It's commendable that you've been able to remain in control of yourself during all that. I used meth a few times in the past, and while my own withdraws felt awful, they were mostly just sadness and emptiness, never violence.
However, if I had someone there to bail me out, would I have mended my ways? Not sure. What happens if he doesn't change? Your life is most important; I hope you're able to set things right.
However, if I had someone there to bail me out, would I have mended my ways? Not sure. What happens if he doesn't change? Your life is most important; I hope you're able to set things right.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 5
I really don't know how a couple can make it work with one in recovery & actually sticking with it, living that bright life style.
& then one being an addict & living that dark lifestyle.
The end results are more than likely going to be negative..
You're either going to get tired of the crap & leave to pursue a healthier relationship -or he's going to end up sucking you back in to the drugs with all of the overwhelming stress & temptation...
OR, Hes going to decide to get clean as well & you guys can find common ground & live peacefully, I pray for the last result. I hope the best.
Just remember to communicate with him 100%, Don't hold back on what's going on, the damage its doing & how you feel.
I had an ex leave me for my opiate drug use, but she never told me or made me realize how bad things had gotten, I was to clouded to realize & she never spoke up. Once she left Then I knew things were out of control, but looking back if she had Really communicated with me, perhaps I could have fixed things before it was too late. So hopefully he will before you've had enough as well, just be blunt about it all.
& then one being an addict & living that dark lifestyle.
The end results are more than likely going to be negative..
You're either going to get tired of the crap & leave to pursue a healthier relationship -or he's going to end up sucking you back in to the drugs with all of the overwhelming stress & temptation...
OR, Hes going to decide to get clean as well & you guys can find common ground & live peacefully, I pray for the last result. I hope the best.
Just remember to communicate with him 100%, Don't hold back on what's going on, the damage its doing & how you feel.
I had an ex leave me for my opiate drug use, but she never told me or made me realize how bad things had gotten, I was to clouded to realize & she never spoke up. Once she left Then I knew things were out of control, but looking back if she had Really communicated with me, perhaps I could have fixed things before it was too late. So hopefully he will before you've had enough as well, just be blunt about it all.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: CA
Posts: 967
Thank you all for your responses and feedback. I understand that I am in a precarious situation. My goal is to just stay mindful, aware and present and continue to work on myself while offering whatever support I can to my husband. He now has 11 days off of meth and appears to have turned a corner. I am unsure if his progress is motivated by the fact that we are supposed to go on a 2 week vacation in early April, and that he does not want to screw that up. But I guess it is still progress if a vacation is able to deter an addiction to meth, even though he was doing it once every 10-14 days. I just hope that he can stay motivated to stay clean off of it when we get back in mid April, and that his relationship and marriage to me will be motivating factors.
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