Hopefulone18

hello all, I wrote in a few days ago about my husband. He was getting off of drug court and I feared the worst.... since his probation (and drug tests) ended last Monday he has appeared off to me on several occasions. I guess I'm just looking for validation that I am not completely insane. the day after he completed probation he came home with weed and told me he needed to "smoke because he was so stressed out", okay....except you are a grown man coming off of a heroin addiction and this is the last thing you need to be doing, only he looked far more messed up than you would from just smoking marijuana. It is my belief that he used the weed and shoved it in my face to cover up his "high look" that he knows I can spot so well. Since that day last week the rest of the days have been a roller coaster. He's looked messed up several times, hes been rage texting me going off on rants which is exactly how he acts when he is indeed using heroin. I'm not new to this addiction, sometimes I feel i can write the book on it when it comes to helping others but not so much when it comes to helping myself. I know he's using again, my problem is that I can NOT talk to him about it. If i try to, i'm crazy, im an awful person, i'm insane, I'm obsessed with his addiction..... so what can I do? If despite all of his claims I STILL push the issue and try to talk to him about it he'll eventually end up smashing something until I walk away and end the conversation on my own. (another temper tantrum from an addict). Last night he took my car while I was at work his car was getting some work done, he took the day off of work because he said he wasnt feeling well and needed my car to run to the store. He was gone for four hours........ I confronted him about it and got 7 literally 7 hours of paragraph long text messages telling me that i'm insane and I cant get over his addiction, hes going to find someone new who will accept he has a past and love him anyway. Nice right? I need help.. blah blah blah. Everyone has an illness but him. I didnt say much in response, I came home from work, fed my dogs, and pretended to sleep. This morning when I got into my car to drive him to work I found a bag of dope...... seriously? I mean maybe it's because he has been sober for a while that I forgot what this crazy train feels like, but I literally dont even know what to say anymore. When I showed it to him, he started crying, told me everything is my fault, and wouldnt even look at me when he got out of the car. I mean how much can I take? am I insane? most importantly... WHY AM I ALWAYS THE BAD GUY???? I have read this forum long enough to know what most of your responses will be... "what are you willing to take" "when will you find your own happiness" "what will your final straw be?" .. but it isnt always that cut and dry. This is someone I love, the heroin epidemic in our area is out of control as it is everywhere else in america it seems, there has to be MORE to this ... why do I have to give up everything I love and start over when I don't want to! I want my husband back.... I want normalcy back... I cant live like this anymore BUT I CANT EVEN HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH MY HUSBAND. He hates me, and hes guilty.... but apparently there is nothing I can do except leave him?

Ariesagain

Sending you a hug.

For some things, there are no good answers.

Protect yourself best you can. Separate bank account, separate credit cards (although in most states you'll still be hurt by his debts I believe, others will know more), take your car with you so he can't wreck it.

He's using again. You know that.

Sending you another hug.

AnvilheadII

so he took your car for four hours and this morning you found a bag of dope.

that is pretty cut and dried. after a period of time in drug court and on probation, he was well past physical withdrawals, and in a "clean and sober" mind immediately returned to using. that is HIS priority.

there is nothing you can say that will reach him. you are the enemy. you are the handy target.

it's time to take steps to protect yourself, protect your finances, your possessions, your sanity.

atalose

Other than what’s already been suggested for protecting yourself and your finances maybe try to begin to accept that NO you in fact cannot have a conversation with him. You will never talk him out of his choice to use drugs or get any logic or reason out of him.

Have you looked into al-anon or nar-anon for yourself? What about counseling?

cece1960

Unfortunately what you want relies on a change in him, and that's not happening unless he does the work needed.
What about taking some time to get your head back on straight? It doesn't have to mean forever. It is for you to allow yourself the time to assess the situation and/or your options while not having a seat on the crazy train.
Right now, he has you right where he needs you to be...vulnerable and worn out.
Leaving him to clean up his own mess may be the most loving thing you can do for him right now.

NewRomanMan

I want... I want... I want... Believe me. I know how you feel. But your husband's addiction doesn't care about what YOU want. It just doesn't. You know the truth of the situation. You can stay and let the insanity of his addiction pull you down with along with him or you can detach with love and leave and make your own life and hope that someday he'll figure it out. So yeah, it really is all that cut and dried.

dandylion

^^^^^^^Yes.

hopeful4

So sorry for what you are going through. I just want to send you a hug and let you know we are here for you! Take good care of YOU!