FreeOwl

Yesterday a good friend of mine told me:

"It's not about sobriety, man. We're not talking about SOBRIETY here. We're talking about waking up every day and not feeling like facing it. We're talking about wanting to end it all. I've tried EVERYTHING. Every drug, drink, rehab, recovery method. I had SIX MONTHS of sobriety once and nothing changed. It doesn't matter".

His words to me were a glaring example of how we rationalize our way into a belief that we can't change. That nothing matters. That it ISN'T ABOUT THE DRINKING AND THE DRUGS.

Next morning he told me he'd wound up having 40 shots of alcohol and was wrecked and knew he needed help. By today - who knows. Maybe he'll be back to saying 'the alcohol has nothing to do with it'.

A year ago this same guy had a good job, had managed to stack up some sober time, had a place to live and things going for him.

As of yesterday, he was living in a bus shelter on the corner of the street.

That's how far he's fallen. He's almost died half a dozen times in the past 6 months. The last time I saw him face to face he was shaking so violently he couldn't pick up his dog's poop off the sidewalk. His eyes were yellow. He exuded the aroma of death and decomposition. I don't know how he's alive.

But..... it's not about sobriety.


You may not be that far gone.


But how easily you could be.


If you're even HERE on a newcomer's to recovery forum, there is a very good chance you're already on his path.


I know I was.


I am so grateful that I stopped that way of life long, long before I wound up living in a bus shelter.


But it sneaks up on you..... you never know when that fall will happen.


One day, he was making six figures and living a good life.


Within a year....... back in a bus shelter.


But it wasn't about sobriety.



Your rationalizations can fool you. There is a voice within you that knows the real story. Listen to that voice.

PhoenixJ

yep

Mattq2

Wow! I'm not going to drink today. Thank you freeowl.

Nonsensical

Addiction: The problem that masquerades as the solution.

The cemetery is filled with people who never saw through the disguise.

Centered3

This post is really upsetting. Can you help get this friend into a medical detox and then into AA? Someone's got to be able to help him instead of us all reading this post about this human being dying from alcoholism and standing around helpless.

Something struck a chord about what you wrote he said here "Every drug, drink, rehab, recovery method. I had SIX MONTHS of sobriety once and nothing changed. " I was taught in AA that nothing and nobody may ever change, but it is *I* who must change.

Is in he AA? Did he work the steps? Was he guided on steps 1, 2, and 3?

Was his sobriety based on abstinence alone or was it based on spiritual principles?

Maybe he just didn't get the right help.

What can be done to help him???? Does he still want help????

Upstairs

Sad story about the guy. Gives me something to think about.

FreeOwl

It's heartbreaking. It's a story that's played out for years now. Last August he was nearly dead when a friend and I drove to his city (8 hrs away) and worked with local social services to get him involunatrily into psyche. He was out and drinking again in 11 hours.

He has been to rehab a dozen times. He refuses AA. He has plenty of people willing to help him - but he is not really ready to be helped. He will from time to time go into a rehab or a psyche ward when it's the only option in front of him - but that only lasts as long as until he bails again. He doesn't believe he can ever recover. He doesn't really WANT to recover. He sometimes says the right things, because he's very smart and knows what to say..... but then he chooses to go back to the descent....

He has some mental health issues wrapped up with his addictions (as so many of us do). He'll go on meds for a while, stay sober a while, then decide it's 'not working' or he 'doesn't need it' and out again he goes.

This is a classic and tragic tale.... it's the end of the road that addiction leads to.....

FreeOwl

oh and to your AA question - yes. He's tried AA.

He believes the fifth step "drove him back to drinking".

He won't go back to AA.

fgo

Thank you,
I remember the posts when you were going to go help him. Recovery really does have. To start with I. .. I have to do this for myself.

ljc267

Great post and I'm sorry about your friend. I truly hope he realizes there is a better life for him sober.

FBL

Thanks for the reminder. The road to recovery starts from within. I hope your friend wakes up before it's too late.

bluedog97

Wow. I did a 5th step last year and went back to drinking.

I'm 7 weeks sober now and am trying going back to AA. If I don't quit drinking I'll likely end up like your friend. But I can relate.

I know we're not supposed to bash recovery methods here, but I have my resentments.

Hope your friend can find the help he needs.

january161992

what a coincidence

did a 5th step with a sponsee at the salvation army yesterday

and were both sober!

Fly N Buy

One day, he was making six figures and living a good life.........

Yep, many of us thought we were living a good life, and from outside appearances it would seem to be true. Alcohol wasn't my problem, it was my solution. Until I found other solutions, there wasn't any foundation on which to build. Cunning, baffling, powerful.......

FreeOwl

I hope you go back to AA and recognize that it wasn't AA's fault you drank.



The stepwork is a big hurdle, and it certainly can dredge up some triggers. That's why I'm a big advocate that the steps need to be augmented with a good, qualified therapist. I question the wisdom of trying to address a lifetime of resentments, anxieties, trauma and shame by just writing it down and telling it to a priest or a sponsor. I definitely am not an AA basher, I value AA as one of my many tools for sobriety - but for me personally I felt that therapy was a key piece of sobriety and that if I'd just tried to 4th and 5th step my way through some of my personal issues, I also may have wound up going back at it...

FreeOwl

absolutely!!!

"The Good Life" can be such a plague and a trap of our own rationale....

bluedog97

I don't blame AA. I think it was a matter of my expectations being set too high. I think you're right about a therapist. I work with one and it's helping.

I'm not trying to bash AA either. I think my resentments stem more from individual members, or a specific group here in town. I just have to work through my own issues. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly it says.

suncatcher

So sad about your friend. Unfortunately no one can drag him back to AA,or get him the help he needs. He has to want the help first. Powerful post and thank you for sharing.