i broke down today
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i broke down today
Son's vivitrol appt was cancelled. Doc office said they didn't receive the medication. Son said the woman at doc office on phone said insurance delayed it. I completely fell apart. I thought my son was lying to me. I thought he either canceled the appt or knew he didn't have clean time so the appt had never been made. Full fledged melt down. This has been going on so long with therapy, iop's, two in patient rehabs.... I was totally seeing his wanting vivitrol as a turning point in his life and now so scared he'd changed his mind, and almost as bad as that would be the lying about it.
I completely broke. I was crying so hard that I couldn't speak, shaking, hyperventilating.
I managed to tell him to call insurance and find out what is going on. As he was doing that another woman from Doc office called back and clarified it wasn't the insurance, it was where they get their shots from. He had to call there, not insurance, and it turned out the damn doc office didn't SIGN THE FORM that they had faxed, so no good.
Vivitrol said she was faxing with doc office today to get it straightened out and would send his dose asap.
More crying (relief this time). My son was so angry on my behalf. Apologized for everything I've endured for three years, angry that now I've been hurt today and he can't fix it today, though it should be fixed in a couple of say. Sat me down on his bed, water. Hug. I'm crying out of frustration and pain and disappointment and JUST EVERYTHING and he's sitting next to me, crying too. He's crying that he's hurt me and now because if him, though not his fault, someone else has been able to hurt me, and him.
I'm n my room now. He called my boss to let her know what happened (I am lucky to work for a medical office, so she us a wonderful confidant and source of info and support). He told her I'm laying down and he is going to a meeting. Gave her his cell # and said he didn't know if id be ok to go to work this afternoon or not. He'd be back in touch after meeting.
No one in my "real" life has any experience with this.... No one understands. So I thought I could just "say" it here and someone would... But truly if you're not going to be understanding just don't comment. Thank you
I completely broke. I was crying so hard that I couldn't speak, shaking, hyperventilating.
I managed to tell him to call insurance and find out what is going on. As he was doing that another woman from Doc office called back and clarified it wasn't the insurance, it was where they get their shots from. He had to call there, not insurance, and it turned out the damn doc office didn't SIGN THE FORM that they had faxed, so no good.
Vivitrol said she was faxing with doc office today to get it straightened out and would send his dose asap.
More crying (relief this time). My son was so angry on my behalf. Apologized for everything I've endured for three years, angry that now I've been hurt today and he can't fix it today, though it should be fixed in a couple of say. Sat me down on his bed, water. Hug. I'm crying out of frustration and pain and disappointment and JUST EVERYTHING and he's sitting next to me, crying too. He's crying that he's hurt me and now because if him, though not his fault, someone else has been able to hurt me, and him.
I'm n my room now. He called my boss to let her know what happened (I am lucky to work for a medical office, so she us a wonderful confidant and source of info and support). He told her I'm laying down and he is going to a meeting. Gave her his cell # and said he didn't know if id be ok to go to work this afternoon or not. He'd be back in touch after meeting.
No one in my "real" life has any experience with this.... No one understands. So I thought I could just "say" it here and someone would... But truly if you're not going to be understanding just don't comment. Thank you
Last edited by CherryVanilla; 03-06-2017 at 08:04 AM. Reason: spelling
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Clarifying. I told him to call insurance because I didn't believe him. I was expecting him to refuse, to make something up really quick... Tell me, no the doc office said not to, they will.... Something like that. So really I was shocked when he pulled out his ins card and started making the call. Then she he ended that call to take another that was beeping through, again I thought it was all a bluff.... WHAT incoming call could possibly b more important than the call he was placing? ... Well, a call from the doc office, that's what.
I hate this. I hate the betrayed trust, always being suspicious.
You look at your family and think, how the hell did this happen?!
I hate this. I hate the betrayed trust, always being suspicious.
You look at your family and think, how the hell did this happen?!
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Location: USA
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Awe sweetie, I'm sorry you are enduring all of this. You have went through betrayal, and trust can be earned, but it takes a long time.
It's a horrible feeling to feel this way, but you will get through this. It sounds like they have it worked out and it's on it's way soon, so breathe.
Hugs!
It's a horrible feeling to feel this way, but you will get through this. It sounds like they have it worked out and it's on it's way soon, so breathe.
Hugs!
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Ugh. Healthcare is such a racket these days, it can be such a hassle just to get a fricken med. It's not like you're going in for brain surgery, for gosh sakes. Hang in there. It may feel like you need infinite patience sometimes....and in some cases you do.
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I'm sorry you had to go through that today. I understand that kind of anxiety. It does sounds like your son really is pursuing recovery.
Have you tried any meetings for yourself? Al-Anon or Nar-Anon? I only ask because I am positive that I would not have made it through my own son's addiction without my meetings. I experienced true anxiety attacks for the first time in my life. Just knowing others understood and were there for me. I also didn't have anyone in my "real life" that I could confide in. Some days were still tough to make it through but I learned so much there that continues to help me today.
Have you tried any meetings for yourself? Al-Anon or Nar-Anon? I only ask because I am positive that I would not have made it through my own son's addiction without my meetings. I experienced true anxiety attacks for the first time in my life. Just knowing others understood and were there for me. I also didn't have anyone in my "real life" that I could confide in. Some days were still tough to make it through but I learned so much there that continues to help me today.
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I've gone to one nar-anon meeting and did mot like it at all. The participants were extremely negative. I wont bad mouth it beyond that because I know the meetings have been very helpful to so many on this site. I know I should think about trying another meeting (a different group), and I may. I have a hard time with night driving. There is a meeting near my house that I might try on Thursday nights once daylight time kicks in. In the meantime I am enjoying a yoga /meditation class and see my therapist every week.
The worst part about today is that my go-to position is to disbelieve my son... Not undeserved and not unprovoked based on the last few years.... But wrong today.
Thanks all who took a moment to reply. Much appreciated!!
The worst part about today is that my go-to position is to disbelieve my son... Not undeserved and not unprovoked based on the last few years.... But wrong today.
Thanks all who took a moment to reply. Much appreciated!!
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I don't think you should beat yourself up for not believing your son. You have several good reasons to be suspicious.
I know it was sad for you and for him that this happened. And it was probably eye opening for both of you, for many different reasons.
Your son sounds serious about his recovery. And he very responsibly stepped up and took care of you. Awesome!
He knows he needs to earn back your trust, and I think this incident was a small step in that direction for both of you. (And he had a poignant share for his meeting)
Healing and growth are not always comfortable. Sorry you had such a painful experience, but I suspect it was for the best.
*hugs*
I know it was sad for you and for him that this happened. And it was probably eye opening for both of you, for many different reasons.
Your son sounds serious about his recovery. And he very responsibly stepped up and took care of you. Awesome!
He knows he needs to earn back your trust, and I think this incident was a small step in that direction for both of you. (And he had a poignant share for his meeting)
Healing and growth are not always comfortable. Sorry you had such a painful experience, but I suspect it was for the best.
*hugs*
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Thanks. I was pleased that as soon as I calmed down enough to lay down, I heard him on the phone, talking to his sponsor about what happened, and they went to a meeting together. Then late in the afternoon he went to a second meeting. Yeah, insurance!! His authorized IOP sessions have been used up and he's constantly calling IOP asking them to get him back in, he wants to continue with the support. In the meantime he received a letter from IOP slapping his wrist for not continuing sessions. Well WHO IS PAYING FOR IT??? If IOP doesn't get him in (authorized) this week, I'm going to tell him that dad and I will pay for private therapy sessions (copay or deductible, whatever he needs) 1x week until this is resolved with insurance to continue at IOP. Never ends.
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Originally Posted by CherryVanilla 
Yeah, insurance!! His authorized IOP sessions have been used up and he's constantly calling IOP asking them to get him back in, he wants to continue with the support. In the meantime he received a letter from IOP slapping his wrist for not continuing sessions. Well WHO IS PAYING FOR IT??? If IOP doesn't get him in (authorized) this week, I'm going to tell him that dad and I will pay for private therapy sessions (copay or deductible, whatever he needs) 1x week until this is resolved with insurance to continue at IOP. Never ends.
When an addict finally admits they need help, they need HELP.
I agree with your decision to pay for the counseling until the insurance issue is resolved. I will always help my son if he is pursuing recovery.
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Jaeger, I agree. through it all I have made sure that my son had health insurance and I paid the premiums when he could not. It's something I do willingly; he'd never have been able to get these services if we had to private pay! (Even though the insurance is aggravating.)
Maybe your son could try reaching out directly to a treatment center / rehab and being pre-screened on the phone, and then let them verify the benefits after they determine he meets their criteria for treatment. It might be more difficult for insurance to deny services once a professional has made the decision that treatment is medically necessary, than it is for them to say "no" to your family.
Maybe your son could try reaching out directly to a treatment center / rehab and being pre-screened on the phone, and then let them verify the benefits after they determine he meets their criteria for treatment. It might be more difficult for insurance to deny services once a professional has made the decision that treatment is medically necessary, than it is for them to say "no" to your family.
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CherryVanilla,
He's actually doing much better now. He experimented with several drugs. I don't know, nor do I want to know, with what exactly. I know it was bad. It got so bad, I had to make him leave my house. It shattered my heart but has truly been the best thing I could have ever done. I wish I had been able to do that sooner than I did. He has now been working a full time job for almost a year now with one break in employment but quickly found another. He's moved around a few times in the last year and a half but always worked something out. I think he is clean now. I pray he is. Not having a front row seat to the show has helped me tremendously.
My husband is also a recovering alcoholic. He's got over a year and a half sobriety. If you had told me a few years ago that was possible, I would not have believed you. Seeing his recovery and also seeing all the recovery in the rooms of Al-Anon and AA, gives me hope for my son and yours too!
Hugs,
Jaeger
He's actually doing much better now. He experimented with several drugs. I don't know, nor do I want to know, with what exactly. I know it was bad. It got so bad, I had to make him leave my house. It shattered my heart but has truly been the best thing I could have ever done. I wish I had been able to do that sooner than I did. He has now been working a full time job for almost a year now with one break in employment but quickly found another. He's moved around a few times in the last year and a half but always worked something out. I think he is clean now. I pray he is. Not having a front row seat to the show has helped me tremendously.
My husband is also a recovering alcoholic. He's got over a year and a half sobriety. If you had told me a few years ago that was possible, I would not have believed you. Seeing his recovery and also seeing all the recovery in the rooms of Al-Anon and AA, gives me hope for my son and yours too!
Hugs,
Jaeger
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