Starangel123

My Boyfriend lately has changed a lot. And Ive noticed hes been drinking a lot . It may not be everyday (may be 3 to 4 times a week) but when he does drink it will be all day. He might start at night not sleep and continue through half way through the next day. When he buys a 24 pack guranteed it will all be drank with the 9 hours. Lately, I've noticed he seems irratible when hes not drinking and when does hes become violent in the sense that he starts throwing things.
Ive also woken up in the middle of the night to him falling on the floor and then just laying there.
He gets any chance to drink. Hes changed a lot towards me. Hes says I act like im his mom telling not to drink or not to go out (cause hes only going to go drink). Tonight he got mad at me cause I said I didnt want to hang out with another couple and drink. So he threatened to leave me.
What should I do ? Im concerned and confused by his anger and frustration. Is this an alcoholism problem?

Delilah1

Hi,

Him being violent isn't okay, as hard as it may seem right now you should get out of that relationship.

teatreeoil007

Violence is not okay; drinking or not. That's a deal breaker for sure. Alcoholism is progressive so it will get worse unless he stops drinking. Violence also tends to progress, as does abuse.

Aside from the violence, however, getting mad at you for not wanting to hang out with drinkers is not okay and very disrespectful. He's not respecting your wishes. Not okay.

Were you my daughter I'd say get the hell away from that guy.

Done4today

Sorry to hear this is happening. There are support groups that may help you. Good luck

Dee74

Hi again Starangel123

there are some great links here that can help.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...out-abuse.html


Noone should have to live with abuse or violence of any kind.

D

FeelingGreat

hi Angel, he's probably becoming more dependent on alcohol as time passes, and that's normal, as Alcoholism tends to be progressive. Once his tolerance for the amount he's drinking increases, he needs more to satisfy himself, and it goes on from there.
Whereas he previously might have been able to go without drinking for a period, he's now needing to top up to prevent withdrawal symptoms. That would be why he's getting irritable if you get in his way, even a little bit. Having you question him is having to justify himself, and he can't really.
Now he's getting violent I encourage you to rethink your relationship, and strongly consider leaving. At the moment he's intimidating you and destroying property, but it might escalate to hurting you without warning. You really have no future with him while he's not in recovery, or even considering it. The future is more of the same, or worse.
Leave while you're able to do so with few complications like children or property (I assume).

honeypig

Welcome to SR, starangel. It certainly sounds like you're in a bad situation right now.

The drinking is clearly out of control. Drinking all night and into the next day is NOT normal behavior. And really? Threatening to leave you b/c you won't stay out and drink w/him? You're right, there is something wrong w/this picture.

The violence is also unacceptable. Although it's easy to blame the violence on the drinking, you'll hear it said here that abuse and alcoholism are 2 separate issues. This is important to know, so that you don't make the mistake of believing that if only he'd put down the drink, it would solve all the problems. It won't--a sober abuser is still an abuser. (And there is no evidence that he has the slightest interest in getting sober, either.)

I hope you can take some time to read around the "Family and Friends" section of the forum; I think it's the best place to start and the spot where you are most likely to find stories you can relate to and information that you can use right now. IMHO, the greatest thing that SR has to offer is a tremendous diversity of members, all w/their own experiences and wisdom to share. Those who keep their focus narrow are missing out on a wonderful resource as well as an opportunity to share what they know w/others (and even though you may not think so, your words may be exactly what someone else needs to hear, so don't be shy about posting!).

Read, read, read. See if there is an Alanon meeting near you for some real-life support. And above all, stay safe. Don't wait for the intimidation and property damage to turn into physical harm to yourself.

Hoping to hear more from you, star.

SparkleKitty

Hm, it sounds to me like you have an issue with how much he is drinking, but that he doesn't. So whether or not your boyfriend is an alcoholic, it will be on you to decide what your relationship boundaries are and whether or not you're going to maintain them. But trying to get him to change in order to make you more comfortable in the relationship is a losing proposition for everyone involved.

LexieCat

Yeah, at this point I wouldn't be concerned about his precise "problem" (he's more than likely an alcoholic but that's pretty much beside the point)--he sounds miserable to live with and he treats you like crap. And one of these days "throwing things" is likely to progress to throwing things AT YOU, or your getting physically injured (whether he intends it or not).

I'd be planning an exit if I were you. Do you have someplace safe to go? If not, I'd suggest contacting your local women's shelter and talking with an advocate, who might be able to help you plan.

atalose

Leave him!! Instead of being an emotional hostage with threats of him leaving and then you giving in so that he doesn't...........pack up your self respect and get out.