Fitchicky

how do we really ever know that an addict isn't actively using?
Help me with this...my husband has been sober since July of 2014. However, there have been times that I've questioned his active recovery. Lately, I question it more than ever. He's taken on this Dr. Jeckyl, Mr. Hyde personality. Everyone in the house tiptoes around him. The incidences are getting closer and closer together. Usually, he would have a crazy outburst and then , apologize, and it would be a long while before we would go through this cycle again. Lately, we have been on this cycle for 6 weeks, it seems like every single day theres something that sets him off. It can be as simple as a question, or someone looked at him wrong, or I'm cheating on him because I have to go on a business trip (he doesn't have a steady job by the way) One argument was because we aren't able to buy a house, theres 5 of us living on my income alone and I explained to him that it wasn't possible... when he asked why, I explained because we have no savings and my income isn't enough to qualify, hes not been able to keep a job for more than 6 weeks - the last job he quit under mysterious circumstances. He now works odd jobs for this man who I know sells pot, I'm wondering if there isn't more going on. He seems to constantly need sleep aids to go to sleep at night and suddenly is very emotionally dependent and reactive. I haven't found evidence of drug use other than marijuana, and hes drinking more lately than ever before...he's also very good at hiding things and is a master of the lie.... He's totally paranoid, says he can tell I'm cheating on him because my body is changing... I am totally not the cheating kind and he knows that. Nothing had changed...our lives are the same, same house, same work schedule, same kids, no new issues, same finances, so why in the world is he changing so drastically...?

Ann

He may be using other drugs too, but this alone is continuing the addiction and his behaviour reflects it.

People tend to understate the effects of pot or alcohol, but the truth is, either one of them can lead to very bad places.

Last summer a friend of ours who smoked pot and drank hung himself in the family garage. Nobody thought he had a "problem", it was "only" pot and alcohol. Sadly, my husband and I have known for several years now that he was going downhill fast. From our own experience dealing with addiction, we could see that our friend was in trouble but he denied it and his family thought we were over reacting.

I say this to point out how serious pot and alcohol addiction can be. What is for you to decide is if what you can live with and what your breaking point would be to leave and continue your life without him.

My heart goes out to you, I know how heart breaking this is and the pain you feel as you struggle to keep your family fed and functioning.

Hugs

Fitchicky

Hi thank you!
His drug of choice is crack (guess I should have said that) so other drugs seem to pale in comparison, but you're right that they can pose the same dangers to an addict. I just know that things get crazy when he's using crack. Then he uses alcohol or marijuana, sometimes his moms hydrocodone to try to hide it

atalose

You just answered your own question. If he’s drinking he’s certainly not sober working a recovery program.

An addict is an addict is an addict, doesn’t matter what substance they are putting into their bodies, using is using.

AnvilheadII

He seems to constantly need sleep aids to go to sleep at night and suddenly is very emotionally dependent and reactive. I haven't found evidence of drug use other than marijuana, and hes drinking more lately than ever before..

that ain't SOBER. he's abusing sleep aids, pot and alcohol, at least.

it sounds like a horrid way to live............for you.

Marcus

Sober since July of 2014 but uses alcohol, pot, and hydrocodone (and those are the things that you know about). That is an interesting recovery program. Definitely not active recovery, but active addiction. His actions back that up 100% even without a smoking gun.

You don't have to be a doormat. You deserve better.