First Post - Dealing with an overdose
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 24
First Post - Dealing with an overdose
I thought I would post here because several members in other sections recommended it as an option.
My husband and I have both been browsing here and have asked a few questions related to our current situation.
Our son is hospitalized after an overdose of cocaine. He is improving now and we are both feeling much better. Sparing the details, but he has been sedated and on a ventilator while they ran test after test. His wife has been with him also, and we have had the support of everyone we have told. Purposely, that group of people is small.
Several things have been a bit startling since reading here. Very sad reading about all the broken families, and relationships, we have a good relationship with our son and are hopeful this will continue.
I am still in crisis mode but it feels like it may begin now to transition into more of a step down crisis mode due to his medical condition improving.
Discussing the impact on parents or families is of interest to me. Our son is a self supporting adult, but still our child in the minds eye. Our daughter in law is sweet and very patient and loving, The two of them recently welcomed a new son, our 1st grandchild.
My husband and I have both been browsing here and have asked a few questions related to our current situation.
Our son is hospitalized after an overdose of cocaine. He is improving now and we are both feeling much better. Sparing the details, but he has been sedated and on a ventilator while they ran test after test. His wife has been with him also, and we have had the support of everyone we have told. Purposely, that group of people is small.
Several things have been a bit startling since reading here. Very sad reading about all the broken families, and relationships, we have a good relationship with our son and are hopeful this will continue.
I am still in crisis mode but it feels like it may begin now to transition into more of a step down crisis mode due to his medical condition improving.
Discussing the impact on parents or families is of interest to me. Our son is a self supporting adult, but still our child in the minds eye. Our daughter in law is sweet and very patient and loving, The two of them recently welcomed a new son, our 1st grandchild.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Welcome, Brownstone. I pray that this is the eye opener your son needs to change his path and work on recovery. Addiction really is a family disease, all who love your son are affected and sadly, helpless to make him do what he needs to do. If love could save our addicted loved ones, not one of us would be here.
So he has work to do, to learn to live life without drugs or any substance that is mind altering.
My son has been addicted to drugs for 20 years now, in and out of recovery/relapse/active addiction many many times over those years. We let him move home many times, hoping that a clean safe home, good meals and even a job with my husband's company, would help him find and stay on a better path. It often worked for a while...and then it didn't. Each time our home ended up being a war zone when I would find drugs or stolen goods, or our own belongings, money, personal prescriptions stolen.
Like your son, mine overdosed three times and almost died each time. Sometimes it stopped him for a while, but in the end his addiction was stronger than reason and he continued his journey to self-destruction.
He went to many rehabs, attended meetings, worked the 12 steps so he had the tools to stay clean if he chose to. He knows where help is when he is ready.
My son got progressively worse and he has been missing for over 10 years, lost somewhere in his addiction. He knows where help is when he's ready, he knows the drill to getting clean and I pray that one day he will be able to hang on to it and change his life once and for all.
I had to let go, my own health was failing and I reached the point where I knew that nothing I did or did not do, nothing I said or did not say, would make him change until he chose to himself.
I get through my days by saying a prayer each morning, asking God to take care of my son and do for him what I cannot. Then I live my day in faith that He will.
Please don't let my story scare you. Many here have loved ones that found sobriety fairly quickly, some took a few tries but seemed to finally figure it out. In most cases, their choice to change happened after their loved ones let go and stopped hovering waiting for their next move.
You and your husband may want to try some meetings for yourself. Al-anon, Nar-anon, and CoDA are three similar fellowships that have helped many of us here to find our balance again and learn to live a more healthy life. There are Christian groups and Counselors who can help too. You don't have to do this alone.
My prayers go out for all of you. It's a very hard road to walk but we are all walking with you here.
Hugs
So he has work to do, to learn to live life without drugs or any substance that is mind altering.
My son has been addicted to drugs for 20 years now, in and out of recovery/relapse/active addiction many many times over those years. We let him move home many times, hoping that a clean safe home, good meals and even a job with my husband's company, would help him find and stay on a better path. It often worked for a while...and then it didn't. Each time our home ended up being a war zone when I would find drugs or stolen goods, or our own belongings, money, personal prescriptions stolen.
Like your son, mine overdosed three times and almost died each time. Sometimes it stopped him for a while, but in the end his addiction was stronger than reason and he continued his journey to self-destruction.
He went to many rehabs, attended meetings, worked the 12 steps so he had the tools to stay clean if he chose to. He knows where help is when he is ready.
My son got progressively worse and he has been missing for over 10 years, lost somewhere in his addiction. He knows where help is when he's ready, he knows the drill to getting clean and I pray that one day he will be able to hang on to it and change his life once and for all.
I had to let go, my own health was failing and I reached the point where I knew that nothing I did or did not do, nothing I said or did not say, would make him change until he chose to himself.
I get through my days by saying a prayer each morning, asking God to take care of my son and do for him what I cannot. Then I live my day in faith that He will.
Please don't let my story scare you. Many here have loved ones that found sobriety fairly quickly, some took a few tries but seemed to finally figure it out. In most cases, their choice to change happened after their loved ones let go and stopped hovering waiting for their next move.
You and your husband may want to try some meetings for yourself. Al-anon, Nar-anon, and CoDA are three similar fellowships that have helped many of us here to find our balance again and learn to live a more healthy life. There are Christian groups and Counselors who can help too. You don't have to do this alone.
My prayers go out for all of you. It's a very hard road to walk but we are all walking with you here.
Hugs
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 24
Thank you for the welcome. I'm sorry to hear about your son being out of contact so long. At least many advances have been made in treatments, and there is always hope. I can't imagine how hard it must have been over the years. God Bless.
My son has had a couple of issues before with drugs. He is in his late twenties now. It's never taken over his life but more like comes crashing in, disrupts life, and then scampers off, This time however it almost took him down so I hope he will learn from what happened and never open the door to it again.
We are hopeful because he came to his father a couple of days before overdosing, and said he was taking time off work so he could get himself together and attend therapy sessions. He said had been using but it was going out of control. And he has a therapist. His wife already contacted him, so he's going to come by once our son is in better shape.
It was bad when he woke up and they pulled the vent. He thought he had been in a car accident and that his wife was hurt. He said he heard her scream, Its horrible seeing your child in that condition,
My son has had a couple of issues before with drugs. He is in his late twenties now. It's never taken over his life but more like comes crashing in, disrupts life, and then scampers off, This time however it almost took him down so I hope he will learn from what happened and never open the door to it again.
We are hopeful because he came to his father a couple of days before overdosing, and said he was taking time off work so he could get himself together and attend therapy sessions. He said had been using but it was going out of control. And he has a therapist. His wife already contacted him, so he's going to come by once our son is in better shape.
It was bad when he woke up and they pulled the vent. He thought he had been in a car accident and that his wife was hurt. He said he heard her scream, Its horrible seeing your child in that condition,
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I'm sorry for what you are going through. It's a good sign that he is reaching out for help. He has a lot to live for and I hope he sticks with it this time.
Never give up hope, there is always hope especially when he is looking for help.
Hugs
Never give up hope, there is always hope especially when he is looking for help.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Hello and welcome.
It is definitely possible to maintain a good relationship with your son, however, it's imperative to get him some very real help outside of this, in a facility that is designed for treating a cocaine addict. That is a serious drug.
The thing is, as you said, you are all in crisis mode. It's easy to say, wow, lesson learned, this will never happen again. Then, reality hits. He is put in the same environment, bumps into his dealer, etc, etc. The temptation is so very great because addiction overrules your senses.
So my suggestion is to keep coming back here to SR, keep reaching out for support for you and encourage your daughter in law to do the same. In the mean time, encourage him to get continued inpatient help to assist in dealing with his addiction.
Hugs to you. SR is a place of great support 24 hours a day, so I hope you keep coming back and reaching out.
It is definitely possible to maintain a good relationship with your son, however, it's imperative to get him some very real help outside of this, in a facility that is designed for treating a cocaine addict. That is a serious drug.
The thing is, as you said, you are all in crisis mode. It's easy to say, wow, lesson learned, this will never happen again. Then, reality hits. He is put in the same environment, bumps into his dealer, etc, etc. The temptation is so very great because addiction overrules your senses.
So my suggestion is to keep coming back here to SR, keep reaching out for support for you and encourage your daughter in law to do the same. In the mean time, encourage him to get continued inpatient help to assist in dealing with his addiction.
Hugs to you. SR is a place of great support 24 hours a day, so I hope you keep coming back and reaching out.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 24
I'm not sure what comes after crisis mode. But as you said how to treat his recurring problem with drug use will be next for our son. While he was under sedation, we met with h several Drs some specialized in addiction medicine. They suggested our daughter in law request a special drug test based on hair sample, tests for std's, and various lab panels which will help further examine his drug use, patterns,time of use, I know several people will help create a plan for him including his therapist who holds a lot of knowledge. And then the biggie: he will have to be willing to follow their recommendations. Some of it must have sunk in because he doesn't want to see any of us right now. Word was sent out through the nurse.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
welcome to SR! This is a haven for those who struggle with addiction in the family. My son is 26 and has been addicted/recovering/repeat for 6 years. I have learned so much about addiction and MY issues with codependency. Somehow "Let go and let God" is truly the answer. I always support my son when he is working his program but I also have learned that its entirely up to HIM to embrace his recovery. God is good and I pray your son takes all the help that is being offered to him and embraces this second chance at life. That must have been so terrifying to see him on a ventilator!
Hugs and keep posting and sharing.
TT
Hugs and keep posting and sharing.
TT
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 24
Thank you.
I've been reading different areas here. I find the posts from people who are trying to quit using substances helpful and enlightening.
Things are looking up here. My son is doing a lot better and they have him up walking even. He feels like crap, completely horrified by what happened, and what we all had to go through
I've been reading different areas here. I find the posts from people who are trying to quit using substances helpful and enlightening.
Things are looking up here. My son is doing a lot better and they have him up walking even. He feels like crap, completely horrified by what happened, and what we all had to go through
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
i truly hope this is a BIG wake up call for your son. just keep in mind, addiction is one sneaky SOB and can turn a near death experience into a "SEE? it wasn't THAT bad, you didn't DIE or anything!" moment in the mind of the addict.
i'm a former crack addict, and i was pretty much a lightweight, if we are comparing notes. and it was "only" about 4.5 years. but.....at over 8 years (or is it 9 now??) years off crack, there are still places i can't let my thoughts wander, mental debates i cannot engage in, things i can't watch on TV. i remain exactly ONE, count 'em UNO, decision away from letting Ole Thunder come flying out of chute #3 and the ro-day-oh is back ON. i must remain vigilant if i wish to remain clean of the evil crap.
so yes, do have hope. but know this is truly your son's battle.....you can't even walk one step FOR him. can't want sobriety FOR him. can't do the work ahead FOR him. nor can his wife. nor should she, it's not her job to rinse him out and pin him to the clothesline!!
he also cannot/should not drink. like at all. ever. i can't tell you how many times that's where it started. i remember one morning my husband and i were going to go furniture shopping at sears, but got there before they opened (shakes fist at sears!!! certainly the rest is THEIR fault!) so we thought we'd just ease on in the nearby restaurant and have us a Bloody Mary. we didn't buy any furniture that day. we tore out of that parking lot and met up with the dope man on the way home, land speed record.
god i miss a good bloody mary. sigh. but it just ain't worth it.
best wishes to all of you.
edit: NINE YEARS now! weeee!
i'm a former crack addict, and i was pretty much a lightweight, if we are comparing notes. and it was "only" about 4.5 years. but.....at over 8 years (or is it 9 now??) years off crack, there are still places i can't let my thoughts wander, mental debates i cannot engage in, things i can't watch on TV. i remain exactly ONE, count 'em UNO, decision away from letting Ole Thunder come flying out of chute #3 and the ro-day-oh is back ON. i must remain vigilant if i wish to remain clean of the evil crap.
so yes, do have hope. but know this is truly your son's battle.....you can't even walk one step FOR him. can't want sobriety FOR him. can't do the work ahead FOR him. nor can his wife. nor should she, it's not her job to rinse him out and pin him to the clothesline!!
he also cannot/should not drink. like at all. ever. i can't tell you how many times that's where it started. i remember one morning my husband and i were going to go furniture shopping at sears, but got there before they opened (shakes fist at sears!!! certainly the rest is THEIR fault!) so we thought we'd just ease on in the nearby restaurant and have us a Bloody Mary. we didn't buy any furniture that day. we tore out of that parking lot and met up with the dope man on the way home, land speed record.
god i miss a good bloody mary. sigh. but it just ain't worth it.
best wishes to all of you.
edit: NINE YEARS now! weeee!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Congratulations Anvil! Your words always touch that place in my brain that says "she pegged it!" . I am always grateful when you share your story, it helps me understand my son's addiction and inability to hang on to recovery.
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