I cant stop once I start and Im ruining my life
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 3
I cant stop once I start and Im ruining my life
Hi, im 33 years old and started taking drugs about 12/13 by the time I was 15 I was going to nightclubs and "bendering' Taking as much coke es and amphetamines possible and staying up 1 to 2 days, by the time I was 18 this had gone to 3 to 4 days but the amphetamines took over and that was a near every day experience untill i started getting paranoid psychosis. After a hospital admittance at 22 I ran away to tenerife for a year which worked i stopped on the amphet but drank everyday and took coke a lot when I returned i got good job worked my way up to manager i was clear off drugs for anout a year but then it started to creap back in worse than ever and before i knew it i was taking amphet every day coke es everything but heroin and crack I took. I lost the job went down to 8 stone 6 had no idea i looked like that i was delusional. Got hospitalised again and started hallucinated about my past. I was sexually abused by 3 separate people for lengths of time from 5 years old. That was 2012 its took me 5 years of councilling from the rape n sexual abuse centres iv been diagnosed with complex post traumatic stress disorder had emdr therapy for that iv tried to turn my life around i had reiki and im now a reiki master yet I cam shift the bendering addiction every 4 weeks or so i go on one and start again and I hate myself for it i don't understand how i can still do this after all this time i just want it to stop and no matter how much spiritual stuff i do i cant shift it. Please help me iv started to feel suicidal again
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
Hi and welcome to SR 
I came here 10 years ago thinking I was beaten and doomed to die as an alcoholic and addict...but the support and encouragement I found here really helped me turn things around.
I know SR can help you too
I understand the despair but you got clean once so I think you can not only do it again, but make it stick this time as well
Do you still see a therapist? I think sometimes it's important to have that listener who's an expert and who can help you with suicidal thoughts.
There's a lot of crisis links and really helpful reading in this link - I hope you'll look through it
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html
Please do read around and ask as many questions as you like. I hope you'll feel at home here
D
I came here 10 years ago thinking I was beaten and doomed to die as an alcoholic and addict...but the support and encouragement I found here really helped me turn things around.
I know SR can help you too
I understand the despair but you got clean once so I think you can not only do it again, but make it stick this time as well
Do you still see a therapist? I think sometimes it's important to have that listener who's an expert and who can help you with suicidal thoughts.
There's a lot of crisis links and really helpful reading in this link - I hope you'll look through it
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html
Please do read around and ask as many questions as you like. I hope you'll feel at home here
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 3
Hi D thank you for your reply i will have a look at the link in a min
No the last therapy i had stopped a few months back as my brain was refusing to process anything else.
I just feel like a failure all I want is to not have the urge to get wasted. I think im going to have to stop drinking all together to stop all the ither stuff. Which is hard when everyone around you drinks
No the last therapy i had stopped a few months back as my brain was refusing to process anything else.
I just feel like a failure all I want is to not have the urge to get wasted. I think im going to have to stop drinking all together to stop all the ither stuff. Which is hard when everyone around you drinks
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by Strawberryfayre 
...all I want is to not have the urge to get wasted.
It. Must. Be. Starved.
It is a long, slow process - but it can be done.
You can do this.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 437
Originally Posted by Nonsensical
The only way to stifle that urge is to starve it. You can't plead with it, you can't educate it, you can't bargain with it. It can't be shamed, intimidated, coerced, reasoned with or trained.
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