Unhealthy Relationship With Alcohol
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 186
Unhealthy Relationship With Alcohol
I have been on Sober Recovery for a few years now and have continued to drink. Inevitably, my drinking has escalated during the time I have been a member. This is a post of mine from about three years ago.
Three years on and my intake has increased to about 100 units a week. I perspire a lot. I have alcohol dependency. It is such text book progression, it is laughable that I can't believe this is me- my life.
Here is my 'unbelievable' post three years hence:
"I am nearing 50. I drink about 140 units a week (2 bottles of wine a day). My hands shake at times. I can't believe I still drink- I thought I would have stopped by now. My husband is disgusted with me, as I leave all family responsibilities to him. I can't believe he might end our marriage. My 10 year old son seems bewildered by and frightened of me at times. I am unpredictable. He doesn't go to clubs because I can't be bothered taking him and too drunk to drive. I can't believe he has less opportunities than I did as a child. My parents are becoming more infirm. I am too drunk at night to pick up the phone and find out what is bothering them. I can't believe that I am a daughter that my parents can't rely on. I see people work seem a bit embarrassed when they deal with me. I am senior but a bit of a joke. I can't believe that drink is affecting my work. I wonder if I will have a job in 3 years time
I have thrown out the drink in the house and have non drinking plans and strategies for the next few days. Thanks for letting me post my thoughts on here.
Carly
Originally Posted by Carlygirl 
Here goes. I don't think of myself as an alcoholic. I do think I have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. I think of an alcoholic as a person who gets physical withdrawal symptoms when they don't drink.
I have not experiencied financial, work, relationship or legal problems because of drink. I know i could insert the word YET here. However, alcohol impairs my quality of life and I have many, many reasons not to drink (I wrote down over 60 of them ). I think about alcohol a great deal and before I stopped on 21 June, I drank every evening.
Basically, I am having difficulty believing I will never drink again and I think the main reason for this is that I don't think I am an alcoholic.
I envisage scenarios in the future, such as only drinking socially, only on holiday, only with friends etc.
I have tried and failed to moderate my drinking time and again......Never in the house, only at weekends, never alone, no more than two bottles wine a week, no more than half a bottle a night and so on. Despite this, and a fair length of time due to pregnancy and breast feeding where my alcohol intake was minimal, here I am back to knocking back 50-70 units a week ( til two weeks ago).
What are others views about 'defining' the problem and how this influences how it is viewed and approached?
I have not experiencied financial, work, relationship or legal problems because of drink. I know i could insert the word YET here. However, alcohol impairs my quality of life and I have many, many reasons not to drink (I wrote down over 60 of them ). I think about alcohol a great deal and before I stopped on 21 June, I drank every evening.
Basically, I am having difficulty believing I will never drink again and I think the main reason for this is that I don't think I am an alcoholic.
I envisage scenarios in the future, such as only drinking socially, only on holiday, only with friends etc.
I have tried and failed to moderate my drinking time and again......Never in the house, only at weekends, never alone, no more than two bottles wine a week, no more than half a bottle a night and so on. Despite this, and a fair length of time due to pregnancy and breast feeding where my alcohol intake was minimal, here I am back to knocking back 50-70 units a week ( til two weeks ago).
What are others views about 'defining' the problem and how this influences how it is viewed and approached?
Here is my 'unbelievable' post three years hence:
"I am nearing 50. I drink about 140 units a week (2 bottles of wine a day). My hands shake at times. I can't believe I still drink- I thought I would have stopped by now. My husband is disgusted with me, as I leave all family responsibilities to him. I can't believe he might end our marriage. My 10 year old son seems bewildered by and frightened of me at times. I am unpredictable. He doesn't go to clubs because I can't be bothered taking him and too drunk to drive. I can't believe he has less opportunities than I did as a child. My parents are becoming more infirm. I am too drunk at night to pick up the phone and find out what is bothering them. I can't believe that I am a daughter that my parents can't rely on. I see people work seem a bit embarrassed when they deal with me. I am senior but a bit of a joke. I can't believe that drink is affecting my work. I wonder if I will have a job in 3 years time
I have thrown out the drink in the house and have non drinking plans and strategies for the next few days. Thanks for letting me post my thoughts on here.
Carly
All is Change
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,284
So, are you ready to stop drinking now? I thought this was a current post so I had something worked out to say and it still seems apt. " An alcoholic is someone who drinks because he/she cannot not drink and the only way for an alcoholic to begin to live is to not drink." K.I.S.S.
edit add : I don't know whether to be angry or just laugh at the familiarity of it all. Anyway, sincerely welcome back to a place where you are understood and cared about.
edit add : I don't know whether to be angry or just laugh at the familiarity of it all. Anyway, sincerely welcome back to a place where you are understood and cared about.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Carlygirl, on the contrary, I think the use of your original post is perfect. So often many here see people come and go questioning if they have issues with alcohol. Your follow up cements that the problem isn't going to get resolved. Something many of us didn't want to admit.
I'm so glad you're back. I was reading your first post and something Anna says came to mind. It's not how much or the frequency with which you drink, it's what it does to you when you do drink. This is so true.
Again, so glad you're back, this is a great place to be!
I'm so glad you're back. I was reading your first post and something Anna says came to mind. It's not how much or the frequency with which you drink, it's what it does to you when you do drink. This is so true.
Again, so glad you're back, this is a great place to be!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 103
Keep trying!
Hi Carly,
Thank you so much for posting. You can do this! Come up with alternatives other Thank drinking and when a craving hits do something different. A craving will pass. I had them for nearly 1 year- they were awful. I followed HALT- hungry, angry, lonely, tired. I remember eating, sleeping and reading a ton during that first year. I actually gained 40 pounds but it was worth it to get sober. I am coming up on 4 years of sobriety and they have been the best years of my life. My kids are now 12, 10, 8 and 6 and I get to be present and active in their lives. You CAN do this! Message me any time I am happy to keep in touch. Hugs XO
Thank you so much for posting. You can do this! Come up with alternatives other Thank drinking and when a craving hits do something different. A craving will pass. I had them for nearly 1 year- they were awful. I followed HALT- hungry, angry, lonely, tired. I remember eating, sleeping and reading a ton during that first year. I actually gained 40 pounds but it was worth it to get sober. I am coming up on 4 years of sobriety and they have been the best years of my life. My kids are now 12, 10, 8 and 6 and I get to be present and active in their lives. You CAN do this! Message me any time I am happy to keep in touch. Hugs XO
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Saudi Arabia
Posts: 476
Hi Carlygirl, yes that's enlightening forward thinking on alcohols progression , all assuming your body doesn't pack up before that! I think you need to see a doctor as withdrawal without meds can be very dangerous, even fatal. There are meds available that can reduce the symptoms of withdrawals during acute stage of quitting alcohol. Keep us updated and good luck on day 1.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by LadyBlue0527
Carlygirl, on the contrary, I think the use of your original post is perfect.
I lived the same lie you were living in your first post. I had 99 things in common with alcoholics and 1 or 2 things that were different, so I focused on those 1 or 2 things and believed that meant I wasn't an alcoholic. I wasn't like them.
Just another lie my AV told me. I am totally like them.
I'm glad you're back and posting Carly. You can beat this thing, but it's going to take real effort. You can do it!
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 847
Originally Posted by Carlygirl
I have alcohol dependency. It is such text book progression, it is laughable that I can't believe this is me- my life.
Originally Posted by Carlygirl
Yes, I am ready to stop, for good. I have chucked out the drink.
"I have" alcohol dependency, "I am ready to stop", etc. Your addiction makes use of language, and this kind of language is partly responsible for keeping your addiction alive.
Try changing this to "I had alcohol dependency" and "I have stopped, for good," and see if you can notice the difference in those statements.
What is your present plan for your future use of alcohol?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: here, now.
Posts: 1,236
What a moving post. Thank you. I relate.
I was a member here since 2011. I knew, the day I joined, that I needed it. I flirted with accepting that I was an alcoholic and wouldn't start living until I stopped drinking. I posted here, but didn't remain accountable to myself. I didn't do enough listening, and didn't keep it very simple. In short, I kept thinking I could drink socially "again".
The consumption went up, over time. So did the erratic behavior. I went from just a couple weird late night phone calls to Facebook posts I needed to delete, people I needed to block so they wouldn't see messages I'd sent, hurting my incredible, gentle, loving partner, falling behind at work, it just goes on. The wine bottles collected too fast so I switched to boxes.
I came back 6 1/2 months ago more humble, with much gratitude, and used this site as a way to be accountable to others but most importantly to myself. I joined the class of August 2016, and still post there along with a few others who have remained sober since that time. My life has changed; there is happiness, stillness, and peace in my home. My mind is more serene. I both take less sh** and hold myself accountable to reasonable standards of behavior. People here tell me it gets even better.
You can do this. Thanks for your post, the format of past and present blew me away.
In Gratitude,
bexxed
I was a member here since 2011. I knew, the day I joined, that I needed it. I flirted with accepting that I was an alcoholic and wouldn't start living until I stopped drinking. I posted here, but didn't remain accountable to myself. I didn't do enough listening, and didn't keep it very simple. In short, I kept thinking I could drink socially "again".
The consumption went up, over time. So did the erratic behavior. I went from just a couple weird late night phone calls to Facebook posts I needed to delete, people I needed to block so they wouldn't see messages I'd sent, hurting my incredible, gentle, loving partner, falling behind at work, it just goes on. The wine bottles collected too fast so I switched to boxes.
I came back 6 1/2 months ago more humble, with much gratitude, and used this site as a way to be accountable to others but most importantly to myself. I joined the class of August 2016, and still post there along with a few others who have remained sober since that time. My life has changed; there is happiness, stillness, and peace in my home. My mind is more serene. I both take less sh** and hold myself accountable to reasonable standards of behavior. People here tell me it gets even better.
You can do this. Thanks for your post, the format of past and present blew me away.
In Gratitude,
bexxed
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