SparkForLife

I have been on here before and posted blood results. I kept drinking until I got scared when I started to get the shakes checked into a detox program last Thursday and got out today and immediately went to buy beer because I knew I was coming home to an empty house. I live alone and have been technically single for years. I have been seeing someone but we are newly dating. I am in college and don't want to miss class because I am on financial aid.

A bit of history, I have been drinking for about 12 years, heavily for 5. Drinking up to an 18 pack of beer every other night and now starting to drink in the morning about 6 months ago. I have had a few days of drinking straight for 2 or 3 days and the last round I checked myself into detox. So much that did. I did quit for almost 3 years but that didn't stick. Have lots of grief and loss issues I never dealt with and probably why I continued to drink. I am at shock how quickly I decided to stop for beer on my way home. Inpatient was not possible unless I lose my aid and have to miss a semester. I love college and it's a great motivation for me. I did attend AA while in detox and do like it. I can't believe I caved to quickly.

I have no family left or close friends I would rely on to keep my house going. I have had to be emotionally independent for years and that is where the alcohol came into play. I have lived independently so I am scared to rely on people.

Where do I go now?

ScottFromWI

I'd say go to an AA meeting if you liked them while in detox. Do you have any numbers you can call?

SparkForLife

Nope not yet. I will go to AA in the morning but I have lived a very solitary life and don't have any family left to rely on.

starstarstar

Is there a counseling hotline for students to call?

You're looking for someone to talk to, if I read/understood your post correctly.

D122y

Spark,

The biggest step is wanting to quit.

Then we have to fill our day w sober activities.

I understand the desire to...stay buzzed...vs..binging at certain times .

Both are killers.

Dee would say make a plan.

You will eventually stop, but it might be when you die...early from an alcoholic ending.

You know all the blah blah blah at this point.

For me....It is all about being....content..not thrilled...not blissful. ...just content. Serenity.

If you had 3 years of sobriety you know it can be done.

I can tell you that each time we start drinking then stop...and start again...it gets more damaging and difficult.

I don't think your detox was even close to complete....otherwise you would have had more defense against the crave that drove you to drink asap.

The addiction will let you believe whatever you want to get the booze.

Education and analysis helped me get this far. Emotional event trigger me.

Thanks.

Algorithm

If you live alone, you make the rules at home.

For starters, make your home alcohol free.

No exceptions.

Others will chime in with the support group ideas, but if you really don't want to rely on anyone but yourself, there is always AVRT, which you could learn mostly from reading.

teatreeoil007

You love college and it's a great motivator for you. That is freakin' awesome...hang on to that!!! I remember going through a really tough, lonely, heart-breaking, dark time one particular year in college. I felt like such a failure! But I was still taking classes and enjoyed the classes I was taking. I remember my mother saying to me when I would tell her I felt like a failure. "Just stay in school, no matter what." I know that's not the answer for everyone, but in my case it was and in your case perhaps it will be too. Keep yourself learning....you won't ever regret that. As for being independent: That's good for the most part. True, we can be independent to a fault, but there are things you can do to overcome that tendency....reach out to others, no matter how it goes against your nature right now. I've always been independent (to a fault) too. It's out of my comfort zone to ask for help. My parents were the same way. It's good, but can be a hinderence to getting the help you need. I've always been much more comfortable doing for myself and being the one to help others, but I've needed to overcome that or I would find myself in some serious doo doo.

Delilah1

Hi Spark,

Glad you are here and posting. Maybe try spending some time on SR as well. You will find a wonderfully supportive virtual community. You should join the February or March of 2017 thread. Also, check in on the 24 hour thread each day, you will meet lots of wonderful people who will support you on your recovery journey.

Glad you are here!

Forward12

AA is always there for you, and sounds like a great place to start going on a daily basis to help keep you on your feet

tomsteve

I drank most of my family away from me.
getting into aa and working the program, I got my family back and found a new family and home- that in the fellowship of AA.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum SparkForLife!!