Idkidc24

I'm 24 years old and I started opiates around 19. Started with a vike everyday or two , then everyday , then 20 of them a day by the time I was 22 so I moved to oxy 30s started taking 3 of those everyday by the end of 22 I was snorting 3 a day. At 23 it started to become 4-5 a day. At age 24, I lost everything and for a few weeks started snorting H. I didn't realize mixing H and Xanax was a bad idea and was driving to mcdonalds parking ended up ODing off of 4 bags and 4mg of Xanax. I was revived. I was basically forced into rehab, which I only stuck out for four days. The rehab gave me 8mg of subs the 2nd day I was there, 6 the 3rd and 2 the last. It's been over 50 hours since I've even taken a sub. I'm not really withdrawing at all, I've been feeling pretty normal for the most part. I just have one issue, since I OD'd and had to go right into rehab I never got that "this is the last time I'm going to get High better make it good" thing . And I really wanna get that feeling in so it's such a mind game that I really feel like I'm going to get that one last high in. I believe my sub doctor appointment is 3 days away so I don't even know if I have a question really just wanted to type this out I guess

badger257

Welcome! I don't have much experience with opiates/H, but I think addiction is addiction, regardless. I can say though, and I am sure many others will agree....My last "last time" landed me in detox with a deathly high BAC, and I am not proud to say, but I put many lives in danger by driving as well. So, that one last time you might not survive, and even worse, ruin many other lives in the process. I hope you stay with us, post, read, and most importantly, stay sober.

Idkidc24

Thank you for the reply, I definitely am not doing any driving if I get that one last high in for sure I learned my lesson on that . It's just so hard to abruptly quit with no warning, makes me want to just go get that one last high so badly

hodor

It's hard, I can totally identify. Opiates are like parking your brain entirely for a few hours. I've seen great success in my local NA groups.
I almost killed myself a number of times on opiates as well, in combination with alcohol. I can't even imagine the grief that my poor family would have experienced from finding me dead and not even knowing that I was using.
I found some really great people in NA, some with very similar stories to myself. It's really useful to make contact with people in recovery that can identify and you can talk to in time of need.
You're only young and you have so much life to live ahead of you. My life is incredibly different in the twenty-ish years since I was at your age and since I found recovery is improving daily. Your story is something that could really help others, helping other people is another way I found to really feed my soul and keep me from focussing on my own pain or pleasure seeking.
Keep coming back to SR, hit up the substance abuse forums and absolutely feel free to reach out to me directly if you need. You have so much to offer the world - I wish you all the best in finding recovery.

hodor

It won't be the last high. That craving is the addiction talking, every time I took more I would swear it was going to be the last time even if I was totally out. It wouldn't be enough, I'd want more and I'd get more.
You have to come to your own conclusion that enough is enough. Being so close to death, from an outsiders perspective, is a very strong sign.
The craving will pass, the withdrawals will pass, as will many other things in your life. There are other ways to feel good about life that don't have the negative side effects.
I've been there so I know how hard it is. I want you to know that there is more out there for you on the other side of this and you don't have to live your life with that anchor of craving hung around your neck. It does take strength, which I can tell you have. You can find it here and with others in recovery.

ljc267

I would say you got lucky that your last high wasn't the end of it all. You might not be so lucky the next time. You are young but the older you get the harder it gets to quit any addiction. Don't assume you have time.

Idkidc24

Well I ended up going to meet my normal guy who ended up being a cop who took my guys phone and got dragged into the station . I only had 10 codeine pills on me and it was only intent to buy but I just OD'd last week got my car impounded , got a case , went to rehab, checked out and two days later im in a police station... I'm so dissapointed in myself for giving the minimal information I did on my guy but literally the cop had the whole convo and previous convo cuz my guy is obviously dumb and doesn't delete his messages. My girl was involved so I had to tell him some **** unfortunately and now that I'm a rat I don't even care about any of this anymore. I'm going to goto jail because I'm not going to court and pointing fingers, I just said what I had to say to get my girl from getting in trouble but I still feel like a POS rat who doesn't even deserve to live. Anyways I ended up copping some and did my "farewell" to drugs . Sub appointment is on Tuesday but I really can't live with myself being a rat so I'm going to have to say I said what I said under distress and take multiple more charges so my life is totally ruined basically. Ugh it's been a rough few weeks ... atleast I can get myself clean before I take these charges...

Dee74

I get all the not wanting to rat people out and looking out for your gf, even tho I may not agree - but going to jail rather than going to court still seems really extreme to me, especially when you're so young..

I'm glad you've decided to give up the drugs tho - I think you'll prefer the easier life.

D

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Idkidc!!

sugarangel

I read your thread yesterday, and your story touched me very much. I am not sure where you are now, or if you will see this, but I wanted to bump your thread, because I have been thinking about you, and I know you don't know me, but you made an impact on me.
I so hope you get this, and will post and let us know how you are doing. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

sugarangel

I bumped your thread again in the hopes that you will see this. You are not a POS. You are an addict, and you made a mistake. But, you are alive. Please be kind to yourself. You are a human being, a good person, and you have your whole life in front of you.
It may seem like you are all alone, and that nothing will ever feel okay again, but I promise you, if you don't use, you can fix things and be alright. Have hope and faith in yourself because I have faith in you.

Hope to hear from you again sometime. But, if not, I hope you get this so you at least know one person out here cares.
Be well, my friend.