milly4me

I hope this doesn't sound completely mentally ill . . . but I'm struggling with attachments right now.

I'm far from a hoarder. And I've worked through a lot of attachment issues while studying and practicing Buddhism.

For example, a couple of years ago, we moved from a lovely Victorian home where we spent more than 20 years of love and sweat to restore to glory. I loved that home. But when it was time to move, I embraced the chance to start another chapter. I easily gave up the home and furniture to move to a very small apartment in a new community. Everyone around me thought it was a big deal. But it was easy.

I don't have a lot of clutter in my life. I own five pairs of earrings, one set of bed sheets, one flannel shirt, etc . . .

But my attachments to these things I have is so . . . I don't know . . . so strong? emotional? something.

I lost a small diamond necklace last weekend. It's just a necklace. I've had it for 25 years. I wore it A LOT. It was loved and well used. So it's loss shouldn't be a big deal. But it makes me sad.

Yesterday I bought a new-to-me used couch. It's pretty cool. It is suppose to replace the love seat I found on the curb side a few years back when I was downsizing to the small apartment (I'm now in a house). So the new couch is sitting in the garage, and I just can't bring myself to bring it into the house. I mean, I just can't imagine the room without my beloved curbside loveseat. I actually kissed the loveseat this morning and apologized to it (clearly crazy, right?). It's actually making me tear up. Honestly it's making me want to drink.

This isn't just weird newly sober emotional rollercoaster stuff. I've always been this way.

I don't know if anyone can help me with this. I thought I throw it out there. It's making me nervous . . . it's making me feel unstable. It's making me want to drink to quell the feelings.

PurpleCat

I'm a pack rat so no help on that front, but would if help you to make a pros and cons list regarding the furniture changes you want to make? That way you'd be settled in your mind that you are making the right choice.

doggonecarl

We live in a consumer society. We are supposed to have things. It's natural to form attachments to things, and to mourn their loss.

You are in early sobriety, so your emotions are raw. That might be why you are feeling things so keenly know. Your mental health is fine.

Drinking over how you feel now....that's insane.

2ndhandrose

I am not a hoarder (although my father was, I have posted about it before) but I do get very attached to "things". I can find some emotional connection to pretty much anything.

I am able to give things up, give them away or throw things away, but losing something is a whole different thing (that I just realized after reading your post!!!).

I feel absolutely wretched to have lost something, no matter how insignificant. And I feel an inordinate amount of relief when I find something I have lost.

Interesting

Maudcat

The Wyeth family--several generations of artists--had many family members who were very, very attached to things, ascribing feelings to things like burnt cookies. "They will be hurt if I don't select them to eat."
I don't know what it means. There is probably a psychological name for attachment to things, but, big picture, things could be worse.
Perhaps the curbside loveseat represents something to you. Independence, maybe? You found it, you got it home. Cool.
Maybe you should dive into that thinking for some clarity.
I have become a lot less attached to stuff in recent years. I had a lovely set of placemats in my hand this morning. I walked around the store with them for a bit, then put them back. I could easily afford them, but I don't need any placemats just now.
Agree that losing things is different. I hate to lose things. Drives me batcrap crazy.

HTown

The curbside couch is ready for a new adventure. Put it on the curb and let it go on to bless someone else's life. Sorry about the necklace.

Grymt

treat attachments and aversions that linger for a long time in the same way. Maintain an equanimous awareness of the breath. Sensations that linger aren't more or less important than those that are clearly ephemeral. These attachments (and aversions) are all ephemeral, all impermanent. When the time comes they rise to pass away.

Don't multiply the cravings or attachments by acting out on them. Don't multiply miseries by generating aversions to the ephemeral. Break the habit with equanimous awareness and continue to do the things that you need to do in the moment not guided by the attachments. If you find yourself guided by the attachments note that that is so and continue. You get caught up in the attachment again. Again bring your awareness back. Continue. It will pass. It is passing. Be happy.