RetiredGuy

I really appreciate this forum, nice to know that I am not the only one stuggling to remain sober.

The wife and I are sharing a cabin with another couple for two nights next week. They are all social drinkers and it will be hard for me to not join them. Hopefully, I will have the strength to stick to diet coke. 16 days sober today and I dont want to blow it. Based on past attempts, this will be a challenge!

Thanks

August252015

Great job on 16 days!

What is your plan now (in general) for getting and staying sober? Plan for the weekend? What is your wife's view and role in supporting your sobriety (or not)?

Those who decide to go into risky ventures and situations early- I did not- seem to do best when they pre-form a solid plan of handling and escape (if needed) that extends beyond hope.

I hope you are prepared to choose sobriety over everything else- even if it perhaps means NOT going on this trip, as I would choose.

Good luck.

PhoenixJ

Keep posting. Thinks of what you will do...

kevlarsjal

I do think too, that a challenge like this can be a bit much at 16 days.

But what helped me in the beginning (and still does) is to make sure that I have the chance to escape when I need it, that's my top priority. At 2 months sober I was stuck at the airport and later on the plane and almost everyone around me was drinking, I had the smell of booze in my nose for the whole flight and it was hell. So the possibility of escape is most important.

Second I make sure to have nice nonalcoholic options for drinks, maybe even mix myself some virgin cocktails so I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. And maybe even pack some treats like nice chocolates or other snacks. Eating always worked as a great distraction for me.

And maybe you could ask your wife to not drink with you this time? In the beginning when you're not used to not drinking yet I found it made me feel less weird when I wasn't the only one who didn't drink.

sg1970

I couldn't have done that. And if I had managed to do it I would have been miserable the whole time.

Any way you could reschedule for a much later date?

RetiredGuy

Thanks for your comments so far guys!

I feel I can handle the trip. We will be riding bikes (non-motorized) during the day and exercise always helps. Plus like Kevlarsjal said, eating will be a great distraction.

I have no desire in cancelling the trip, just need to man-up and be serious about not joining them for a drink (which for me would be a lot of drinks!)

Thanks!

biminiblue

Yeah, that would be tough - but if you are determined to go, just have an escape plan.

You can always leave and go fishing (or canoeing, or hiking, or whatever is available.) I would definitely take my own car so I could leave completely if I had to - drive to town, go out for a meal, whatever.

I would also tell the other couple ahead of time that I was not drinking. It may slow their roll a little. Can you make plans that involve a lot of activity during the day so you can just go to bed early?

doggonecarl

You said in your initial posts that your attempts to quit always fail. Why? Have you accepted never drinking again? Or are you able to convince yourself that:
1) You don't really have a problem, or
2) That occasional drinking is okay
3) That this time you'll control yourself

I think if you are going to be facing a trigger situation you have to be able to tell yourself, without a doubt, that you are done drinking. For good. Make the vow, "I am never going to drink again. Ever"

Then, start thinking about the ways your addictive voice is going to try to convince you to drink during this upcoming trip and have a way to address it. For instance, is your AV going to tell you, "It's impolite not to drink with company."
How are you going to handle that?

Or if your friends insist that you join them. Then what?

Does your wife know of your decision to quit drinking? How can she help?

Of course, it doesn't matter what your AV says or what your friends say, does it. Because you've quit drinking, forever. Right?

Anna

I wouldn't have been able to do that either.

I hope that you have a firm plan in mind for how to get through.

Jojay

Yes,just have a plan in mind,should you be remotely tempted.Doesn't need to be to 'cloak and dagger'!I had little choice,regarding being in a similar situation to your self,last early summer.I was around 8weeks into recovery and wasn't craving,but was in the throws of horrible head aches and all the associated anxiety and panic attacks.Didn't realize,at that point on time what was happening.Thats when I came to SR.I managed to weather a visits to public houses,brief visits,with one of my sons who came visit me for a weekend.You are doing great,at 16days.Take care and keep close to SR.

Michael66

It seems from your OP that you are worried about being able to stay sober. If that is the case, then you probably do need to ask yourself what is most important to you - staying sober, or going on the trip. For many of us it's only when we really put sobriety first that we can then get sober (and enjoy the social stuff a little later).

What really is most important to you at the moment?

Jojay

The Op does not intend cancelling his trip.They would appear to be just seeking support and reassurance.

Jojay

Hi.You will be just fine.Have a plan in mind though,should you feel pressured or your guard is maybe down,due to the ambient atmosphere.

HTown

You say they are social drinkers. So maybe they have one or two vs. the five or six you and I would have right? You should be okay if they are the type of people who stop drinking. Without you going full-stop, perhaps they will, as another suggested "slow their roll".

You know if you don't drink, and your wife drinks very little or none to support you, she may be more interested in kissing you, and being intimate. I know I always got further when I wasn't sloppy drunk. Just sayin...we are all adults here.

Anyway, concentrate on her, tell her she is wonderful, stay sober, be in the present and enjoy yourself. Go to bed early if necessary. You are not missing a thing if you drink except your self respect in the morning.

Jojay

Brilliant post HTown.

Dee74

nevertheless, not biting off more than you can chew too soon is good advice.

I've shared before about my desire to 'road test my sobriety' on day 3 and very nearly coming unstuck.

Personally, I couldn't have done anything like this in my first 6 months I reckon.

Thats why I share about these kinds of situations and advise people to reconsider.

I can't not share what I think is good advice.

Retiredguy, like many others here I recommend a plan if you're going to go do this.

Think about likely scenarios and how you might handle them

• people asking you why you're not drinking
• people wanting you to drink with them
• people pouring you a glass and putting it in front of you
• you wanting to drink with them
• you being sad because you're not drinking

Always have an escape plan for getting out of there if it's all too much.

D

RetiredGuy

Hi,

I just wanted to let you know that we did the above described trip this week (it was postponed by one week which helped). Everything went fine and I am now on Day 30 of sobriety. Thanks for all of your advice

PhoenixJ

Ariesagain

Hooray!!!!

Now you know you CAN. That knowledge will serve you well.

Good for you!!!

shauninspain

I would definitely tell your friends in advance that you wont be drinking. It'll prevent any stressful moments when you are at the cabin. Just slip it in to conversation and say you're having a dry month or two. When I have had to do this the other people generally just say 'fair enough', and leave it at that. Enjoy you sober holiday, seriously, you cannot beat a sober holiday!