Brother 10 day run with meth after 1yr
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 167
Brother 10 day run with meth after 1yr
I am the mother of two amazing boys fighting with the addiction to heroin as if it is not enough my brother who has been clean for over a year , running his own sober living house went on a 10 day binge costing 5 mortgage payments, ugh and now flying home to my house where his car is and a bag of clothes. I have a teenanger still home with me and cannot invite him in. Struggling to find the way to fill up his gas tank and send him on his way. but then I said to myself I did tough love with own two boys and sent them on there way to treatment and did not allow back into a clean and sober house so I know that I know how to do it. My fear is selfish in nature because I see my mom cry for her son who has struggled for literally 25 years up and down. My heart breaks for her but then I think will this be my life???? How selfish of a thought but really I pray it will not be, my boys deserve to live free and in control of their disease ..................Lord I hate addiction....................Thanks for listening
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 254
Congratulations on what sounds like your sons are doing very well. I'm sorry about your brother, but especially if your sons live at home with you, I agree you cannot let your brother move in. So hard...
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I don't think you are selfish, I think you are protecting yourself and your family from what you have learned is something you cannot control...addiction.
Your brother knows where the rehabs are, he knows where meetings can be found in any town in any state on any day. He has choices and he KNOWS the way back to sobriety. Nobody can make his journey easier, he knows that too.
With his things, maybe hand him a meeting list and tell him that you love him and know he is smart enough to find his way back. And then let him.
Hugs
Your brother knows where the rehabs are, he knows where meetings can be found in any town in any state on any day. He has choices and he KNOWS the way back to sobriety. Nobody can make his journey easier, he knows that too.
With his things, maybe hand him a meeting list and tell him that you love him and know he is smart enough to find his way back. And then let him.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
You are not selfish!
Of course you want to protect your sons. And of course you have fear of relapse. I would keep him away from my children at all costs. Your responsibilities are to them, not to your brother.
If he runs a sober house, he is well versed in addiction, and is well versed in the consequences of using. Those consequences may be the one thing to get him back on track. That's up to one person, him.
You cannot fix the hurt that your mom feels. You are compassionate to it, you love her, that is enough. Don't try to fix something that you simply cannot.
You did not Cause it, you cannot Control it, you cannot Cure it.
Hugs.
Of course you want to protect your sons. And of course you have fear of relapse. I would keep him away from my children at all costs. Your responsibilities are to them, not to your brother.
If he runs a sober house, he is well versed in addiction, and is well versed in the consequences of using. Those consequences may be the one thing to get him back on track. That's up to one person, him.
You cannot fix the hurt that your mom feels. You are compassionate to it, you love her, that is enough. Don't try to fix something that you simply cannot.
You did not Cause it, you cannot Control it, you cannot Cure it.
Hugs.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: The Beach
Posts: 1,106
You are not selfish, you are compassionate. And you are a good mom.
You and your brother both know he is the only one that is responsible for himself and his recovery. Allow him the dignity to do so.
His relationship with your mom is between them. I know how hard it is to see your mom struggle with a troubled brother. I live with that too. My mum chooses to stay codependent and enabling to him. I've had to do the detachment thing ( not from my mother, but from trying to help her deal with him) to keep myself sane. I couldn't be codependent to her codependence any more than I could stay codependent to my alcoholic (ex)husbands drinking ways. Same poop different pile as far as my own health goes.
Hang in there. You are making smart decisions.
*hugs*
You and your brother both know he is the only one that is responsible for himself and his recovery. Allow him the dignity to do so.
His relationship with your mom is between them. I know how hard it is to see your mom struggle with a troubled brother. I live with that too. My mum chooses to stay codependent and enabling to him. I've had to do the detachment thing ( not from my mother, but from trying to help her deal with him) to keep myself sane. I couldn't be codependent to her codependence any more than I could stay codependent to my alcoholic (ex)husbands drinking ways. Same poop different pile as far as my own health goes.
Hang in there. You are making smart decisions.
*hugs*
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 167
thank you all for your posts, not sure what my life would be like without the support here! Just scared my life will be like my moms 35 years later, God I hope my boys keep fighting for sobriety! Hugs to all and thank you!
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