Oh it's harder than you think
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 1,462
Oh it's harder than you think
Well I made the decision to take the wife on vacation at over seven months sober.
I'm telling you each time I venture out of my normal day to day life the AV finds new strength.
Now I know I won't drink but these beach type vacations are rough. Most things In this type of environment cater to drinkers. They make it easy to trip up. Went to the casino for awhile and had to leave.
I really am trying not to be an ass to my wife but I find little fun or joy in this situation.
The point of my post is if your new to sobriety (like me ) and plan on living your life the same old way, you better prepare yourself and always plan on it being more difficult than you think. Your AV is waiting for just such an opportunity.
I'm telling you each time I venture out of my normal day to day life the AV finds new strength.
Now I know I won't drink but these beach type vacations are rough. Most things In this type of environment cater to drinkers. They make it easy to trip up. Went to the casino for awhile and had to leave.
I really am trying not to be an ass to my wife but I find little fun or joy in this situation.
The point of my post is if your new to sobriety (like me ) and plan on living your life the same old way, you better prepare yourself and always plan on it being more difficult than you think. Your AV is waiting for just such an opportunity.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Cincinnati
Posts: 103
Congrats on your sobriety!!
Like Forward12 suggested maybe next vacation try one that doesn't have alcohol all around you. They tell us in recovery you have to change your whole life that means people, places and things.
Like Forward12 suggested maybe next vacation try one that doesn't have alcohol all around you. They tell us in recovery you have to change your whole life that means people, places and things.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,235
Stay strong, committed and responsible for
your own recovery life as you embark on building
a strong, solid foundation making new changes
on your new journey.
You will be living a healthier, happier, honest
way of life from now on and for many more
one days sober ahead of you.
Begin writing a new chapter in your life
with newer, exciting experiences that
you will be grateful for and appreciate
in the long run.
your own recovery life as you embark on building
a strong, solid foundation making new changes
on your new journey.
You will be living a healthier, happier, honest
way of life from now on and for many more
one days sober ahead of you.
Begin writing a new chapter in your life
with newer, exciting experiences that
you will be grateful for and appreciate
in the long run.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Totally agree Matt, but good for you on not giving in. So many "leisure" activities revolve around alcohol. For a non alcoholic its not a problem, but for us its a bit different. You should feel proud. Hang in there.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,822
The AV is grumbling because the Beast feels deprived and is throwing a tantrum, or many. IT's whining because IT can't ,IT doesn't understand you are not depriving yourself , you are choosing to be free of the crap that comes with boozing.
It may seem odd, but since you are stuck with a tantrum fueled whiny pathetic unwanted guest maybe have a little fun in ITs distress, try not to let ITs discomfort be yours, that's ITs plan.
Hope you find a way to find something about a beach and casino to enjoy, don't let IT ruin the whole shebang , if you can. Be good to yourself and laugh at ITs discomfort, you got this
It may seem odd, but since you are stuck with a tantrum fueled whiny pathetic unwanted guest maybe have a little fun in ITs distress, try not to let ITs discomfort be yours, that's ITs plan.
Hope you find a way to find something about a beach and casino to enjoy, don't let IT ruin the whole shebang , if you can. Be good to yourself and laugh at ITs discomfort, you got this
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
Hi Matt, I was wondering if you were doing that sort of holiday because it's what your wife expects of a holiday. Perhaps you could try to mix it up a bit.
I travel solo and my holidays normally involved flying somewhere, drinking happily at the airport and on the plane, checking into a nice hotel, drinking till all hours, getting up hungover and spending half a blurry day seeing the city (so I could say I had) and then drinking like a fish again. The first time I took a holiday sober I had to rework a lot of things, like making sure I planned sober activities (with other people) into the evening, running in the mornings, etc.
That said, my observation is that unless you are going to a country where they don't serve alcohol anywhere, no matter how much you revise your holiday mode, there is still a lot of temptation on holidays. So for sure, you have done excellently.
I would not worry about being difficult with your wife by making the choices you have e.g. not staying at the casino, or suggesting another type of holiday in the future. Seven months' sober? She has her husband back so you've done the best thing for yourself and her already.
I travel solo and my holidays normally involved flying somewhere, drinking happily at the airport and on the plane, checking into a nice hotel, drinking till all hours, getting up hungover and spending half a blurry day seeing the city (so I could say I had) and then drinking like a fish again. The first time I took a holiday sober I had to rework a lot of things, like making sure I planned sober activities (with other people) into the evening, running in the mornings, etc.
That said, my observation is that unless you are going to a country where they don't serve alcohol anywhere, no matter how much you revise your holiday mode, there is still a lot of temptation on holidays. So for sure, you have done excellently.
I would not worry about being difficult with your wife by making the choices you have e.g. not staying at the casino, or suggesting another type of holiday in the future. Seven months' sober? She has her husband back so you've done the best thing for yourself and her already.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
I know how you feel, Matt. There are so many 'firsts' to cope with. First sober vacation, holidays, birthday, etc. It's like we're learning to live in a whole new way. I agree about things not seeming as appealing without drinking - in the beginning. Thankfully, that usually changes as we get used to our new normal. 7 months is a great accomplishment, but still early enough that these challenges will pop up at times. We go through many phases. It's good that you wanted to talk it over here.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Matt, I hope that you and your wife can enjoy this vacation. What can you do differently so that you will both have fun? I love beach vacations, but my beach vacations involve walking, hiking and bike riding and lots of ice-cream. I'm glad you posted, Matt.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Chicago
Posts: 605
It's ironic isn't it. I was always the first one to be all up for something like that. Now I find anything that has to do with drinking a waste of time.
I kind of feel like a hypocrite in those situations.
I kind of feel like a hypocrite in those situations.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 1,462
I'm doing ok. Its part of living life sober. You kind of stick your toe in here and there and see how much you can handle.
Sometimes you bite off more then you can chew and have to re-group and start again.
I feel real good and committed that I will never drink again . Now I have to learn not to be a jack ass to the people I love just because my AV gets pushy and my anxiety ramps up. All part of maturing as a sober alcoholic I guess.
By the way I love you guys. It's awesome to know people who get it have your back😀
Sometimes you bite off more then you can chew and have to re-group and start again.
I feel real good and committed that I will never drink again . Now I have to learn not to be a jack ass to the people I love just because my AV gets pushy and my anxiety ramps up. All part of maturing as a sober alcoholic I guess.
By the way I love you guys. It's awesome to know people who get it have your back😀
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 1,462
Originally Posted by MissPerfumado 
Hi Matt, I was wondering if you were doing that sort of holiday because it's what your wife expects of a holiday. Perhaps you could try to mix it up a bit.
I travel solo and my holidays normally involved flying somewhere, drinking happily at the airport and on the plane, checking into a nice hotel, drinking till all hours, getting up hungover and spending half a blurry day seeing the city (so I could say I had) and then drinking like a fish again. The first time I took a holiday sober I had to rework a lot of things, like making sure I planned sober activities (with other people) into the evening, running in the mornings, etc.
That said, my observation is that unless you are going to a country where they don't serve alcohol anywhere, no matter how much you revise your holiday mode, there is still a lot of temptation on holidays. So for sure, you have done excellently.
I would not worry about being difficult with your wife by making the choices you have e.g. not staying at the casino, or suggesting another type of holiday in the future. Seven months' sober? She has her husband back so you've done the best thing for yourself and her already.
I travel solo and my holidays normally involved flying somewhere, drinking happily at the airport and on the plane, checking into a nice hotel, drinking till all hours, getting up hungover and spending half a blurry day seeing the city (so I could say I had) and then drinking like a fish again. The first time I took a holiday sober I had to rework a lot of things, like making sure I planned sober activities (with other people) into the evening, running in the mornings, etc.
That said, my observation is that unless you are going to a country where they don't serve alcohol anywhere, no matter how much you revise your holiday mode, there is still a lot of temptation on holidays. So for sure, you have done excellently.
I would not worry about being difficult with your wife by making the choices you have e.g. not staying at the casino, or suggesting another type of holiday in the future. Seven months' sober? She has her husband back so you've done the best thing for yourself and her already.
She's put up with more than any women should have to dealing with me so I need to grow up and deal with this trip like a big boy. I owe her that for sure.
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 847
Originally Posted by Mattq2
I'm telling you each time I venture out of my normal day to day life the AV finds new strength.
Originally Posted by Mattq2
...you better prepare yourself and always plan on it being more difficult than you think. Your AV is waiting for just such an opportunity.
Can you see this?
It's trying to soften you up, by telling you to be very afraid, and to look over your shoulder for the rest of your life, because it's going to get you.
It's only as difficult as you decide to make it, though. If you get into debates and arguments with your AV, then you will struggle. If you just recognize it -- "Oh, there it is again, isn't that nice. It wants to drink, but I never drink. Too bad for it." -- you will not struggle.
The choice is yours.
Originally Posted by Mattq2
I feel real good and committed that I will never drink again . Now I have to learn not to be a jack ass to the people I love just because my AV gets pushy and my anxiety ramps up. All part of maturing as a sober alcoholic I guess.
Challenge it to wiggle your fingers in exchange for a drink next time it pipes up. It may want that drink, but it won't be able to do it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 1,462
It's much better Thomas, got a good nights rest and went on a tour which was very interesting. Seems if I keep busy with something that's interesting I have a good time.
Laying around the pool with the over attentive wait staff...... not so much fun these days.
Laying around the pool with the over attentive wait staff...... not so much fun these days.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by Mattq2
It's much better Thomas, got a good nights rest and went on a tour which was very interesting. Seems if I keep busy with something that's interesting I have a good time.
Laying around the pool with the over attentive wait staff...... not so much fun these days.
Laying around the pool with the over attentive wait staff...... not so much fun these days.
I think that is key, find something that holds your interest. I like reading up on European history and some other crazy stuff and I go to the gym so I'm able to stay occupied. But if I didn't go to the gym I was thinking about enrolling in a class. I would like to learn how to weld or rebuild a car engine.
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