Realistic expectations
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 275
Realistic expectations
Good morning everyone!
Today marks my 100th day of no alcohol! That is 31 days longer than the longest I've gone before (while not pregnant) since I started drinking, and it feels pretty amazing! I am however having to learn to deal with realistic expectations of what I thought sobriety would be like. I guess I thought that suddenly my house would always be clean, my credit card would be paid off, my kids would stop fighting, and the world would be a happier place!! Kidding of course, but I did think things would be a little more organized and under control than they have been, but that's okay!
It's the little things that are more important. One of my kids got sick in the middle of the night and I was able to drive them to the emergency room. I got sick, and was able to take medicine to make me feel better without worrying it was going to damage my liver or stomach lining which I've always been worried about before. My anxiety is much better, though not gone completely. I've been exercising more, and running in my first race in a few weeks. And the amount of money that I've saved is probably significant, and I'm using it to take a little trip!
Of course, not everything is better. My laundry situation is horrendous since we're never home and out doing things instead, I'm overeating like crazy because I think that's where my stress relief has shifted (and I desperately need to get that under control), and I think the gloomy winter weather has put me in a mild state of depression.
Overall though, I am very happy with where things are. In the last 20 or so days alcohol has not even really been a thought most of the time, and it's becoming less of an issue to decline drinks at social events, where I used to really worry people would wonder why, and have noticed people really don't care one way or the other! I certainly have days where a drinking thought will sneak into my head, but I am getting much better at recognizing those thoughts as thoughts and not necessarily them needing to be actions.
Ironically I had a drinking dream last night and even in my dream I was hiding, sneaking and lying and felt the guilt and shame I used to feel. I was thankful to wake up this morning knowing it was only a dream!
Thanks for listening! I know I don't post much these days but I definitely check in and read frequently!
Today marks my 100th day of no alcohol! That is 31 days longer than the longest I've gone before (while not pregnant) since I started drinking, and it feels pretty amazing! I am however having to learn to deal with realistic expectations of what I thought sobriety would be like. I guess I thought that suddenly my house would always be clean, my credit card would be paid off, my kids would stop fighting, and the world would be a happier place!! Kidding of course, but I did think things would be a little more organized and under control than they have been, but that's okay!
It's the little things that are more important. One of my kids got sick in the middle of the night and I was able to drive them to the emergency room. I got sick, and was able to take medicine to make me feel better without worrying it was going to damage my liver or stomach lining which I've always been worried about before. My anxiety is much better, though not gone completely. I've been exercising more, and running in my first race in a few weeks. And the amount of money that I've saved is probably significant, and I'm using it to take a little trip!
Of course, not everything is better. My laundry situation is horrendous since we're never home and out doing things instead, I'm overeating like crazy because I think that's where my stress relief has shifted (and I desperately need to get that under control), and I think the gloomy winter weather has put me in a mild state of depression.
Overall though, I am very happy with where things are. In the last 20 or so days alcohol has not even really been a thought most of the time, and it's becoming less of an issue to decline drinks at social events, where I used to really worry people would wonder why, and have noticed people really don't care one way or the other! I certainly have days where a drinking thought will sneak into my head, but I am getting much better at recognizing those thoughts as thoughts and not necessarily them needing to be actions.
Ironically I had a drinking dream last night and even in my dream I was hiding, sneaking and lying and felt the guilt and shame I used to feel. I was thankful to wake up this morning knowing it was only a dream!
Thanks for listening! I know I don't post much these days but I definitely check in and read frequently!
I could see peace instead of this
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada, eh
Posts: 2,360
It took me quite a while after I first got sober before I realized that life was just going to keep happening. I had some crazy notion in my head for a long time that once I got through this ordeal or this next crisis, then everything would be okay--smooth sailing.
The great thing is that now we are better able to cope with all these things that happen and will keep on happening and we don't have to drink anymore.
Congratulations on your progress!
The great thing is that now we are better able to cope with all these things that happen and will keep on happening and we don't have to drink anymore.
Congratulations on your progress!
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,805
Congrats on 100 days!
Yeah, I had some crazy expectations (hopes, really) that I'd have a spotless home and all of my finances in order shortly into sobriety. I had also hoped to get my house ready to sell. Not so much! Haha. But so many other things have improved so much that I don't really care so much that things I had hoped would happen haven't just yet. Just enjoy the things that have improved, and take care of essentials. The rest can wait!
Yeah, I had some crazy expectations (hopes, really) that I'd have a spotless home and all of my finances in order shortly into sobriety. I had also hoped to get my house ready to sell. Not so much! Haha. But so many other things have improved so much that I don't really care so much that things I had hoped would happen haven't just yet. Just enjoy the things that have improved, and take care of essentials. The rest can wait!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Chicago
Posts: 605
Originally Posted by Madbird 
It took me quite a while after I first got sober before I realized that life was just going to keep happening. I had some crazy notion in my head for a long time that once I got through this ordeal or this next crisis, then everything would be okay--smooth sailing.
The great thing is that now we are better able to cope with all these things that happen and will keep on happening and we don't have to drink anymore.
Congratulations on your progress!
The great thing is that now we are better able to cope with all these things that happen and will keep on happening and we don't have to drink anymore.
Congratulations on your progress!
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
I hope this stretch of sobriety marks the end of your struggle with alcohol.
I too thought, when first quit, that sobriety would wrought more changes than it did. What I've learned over years of sobriety is that I've accepted that things are the way they are. Less expectations and therefore less resentment if not met.
I too thought, when first quit, that sobriety would wrought more changes than it did. What I've learned over years of sobriety is that I've accepted that things are the way they are. Less expectations and therefore less resentment if not met.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
I'm really pleased for you PNM! awesome stuff 
It took me a while to rescue myself from the car crash of my addiction but I did it, slowly piece by piece, day by day, month by month...
Keep at it!
D
It took me a while to rescue myself from the car crash of my addiction but I did it, slowly piece by piece, day by day, month by month...
Keep at it!
D
Whatever it takes - just for today.
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Canberra, Australia
Posts: 200
Thank you, great post a congratulations on 100 days! What a wonderful thing!
I also lived with the delusion that things would miraculously be better sans alcohol and I can atleast say I am feeling miraculously better the rest? Life just keeps on keeping on but I am getting better at facing it and it's no longer passing me by. I actually feel happy to be alive.
While life has many extraordinary moments, It's great to be sober and embrace the 'ordinary'
I also lived with the delusion that things would miraculously be better sans alcohol and I can atleast say I am feeling miraculously better
the rest? Life just keeps on keeping on but I am getting better at facing it and it's no longer passing me by. I actually feel happy to be alive.While life has many extraordinary moments, It's great to be sober and embrace the 'ordinary'
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 275
Originally Posted by Scruffanie
Life just keeps on keeping on but I am getting better at facing it and it's no longer passing me by. I actually feel happy to be alive.
While life has many extraordinary moments, It's great to be sober and embrace the 'ordinary'
While life has many extraordinary moments, It's great to be sober and embrace the 'ordinary'
Catch and Release
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Crazy Canuck
Posts: 441
Hello Pinot:
I fully get your realistic expectations. I'm at 2 year sober today and there are many times over the past two years that I've wondered...why am I not further along? Where is my superwoman cape and award? It seemed like some people quit drinking and then their life was all puppies, kittens and sunshine. Mine wasn't. I found myself so alone sometimes, I just ached. I went to bed many, many times around 7:30 pm because going to sleep - maybe I'd have a good dream. I've been trying very hard to make new friends and find some kind of relationship and I've only just started what may be a "relationship" and to tell the truth, I'm very scared but also really excited. I left a 28 year marriage, moved half way across the country, my family moved away, I've no kids and only my dogs for company.
But! and here is the but - I wake up every morning with a clear head and know I can handle anything that life throws at me. It might be hard, it might be scary but I won't be numb.
Progress can seem really slow, that's for sure.
So don't be too hard on yourself and realize not all of us earn our super hero cape right away. or maybe never. I'm still working on mine and at least the journey is way better than what I was before.
CF
I fully get your realistic expectations. I'm at 2 year sober today and there are many times over the past two years that I've wondered...why am I not further along? Where is my superwoman cape and award? It seemed like some people quit drinking and then their life was all puppies, kittens and sunshine. Mine wasn't. I found myself so alone sometimes, I just ached. I went to bed many, many times around 7:30 pm because going to sleep - maybe I'd have a good dream. I've been trying very hard to make new friends and find some kind of relationship and I've only just started what may be a "relationship" and to tell the truth, I'm very scared but also really excited. I left a 28 year marriage, moved half way across the country, my family moved away, I've no kids and only my dogs for company.
But! and here is the but - I wake up every morning with a clear head and know I can handle anything that life throws at me. It might be hard, it might be scary but I won't be numb.
Progress can seem really slow, that's for sure.
So don't be too hard on yourself and realize not all of us earn our super hero cape right away. or maybe never. I'm still working on mine and at least the journey is way better than what I was before.
CF
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