Anxiety back again...oh joy
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 110
Anxiety back again...oh joy
So I'm on day 22 from my last (minor 1 day) relapse, and hopefully that will have been my very last! But although I have been feeling great, the last 2 days I have been filled with panic and anxiety all over again. Its reliving moments of when I was drinking, I would rather forget over and over, and 3 days ago I went and bought a bottle of wine and a gift for my friend for her birthday. Funnily enough it was like picking up eggs, no emotional connection or craving connected. Which surprised me as I had to talk my way through the whole event beforehand to make sure I had a plan in place, just in case.
Anyway, as I was doing that I bumped into my daughters old teacher. I don't believe in the my drinking time they ever had a reason to be concerned as I was very functional and my kids are not neglected, but of course now I'm panicking that they think the wine was for me and they are phoning social services as we speak. Ive barely slept, I feel sick, blood tests and breath test would show I haven't had alcohol in 3 weeks, but I'm sat waiting for a knock on my door or a letter stating a report was made. I go to the school and I'm petrified I shall get pulled aside and my history of drinking will come back and bite me. I'm a single parent which is why this is especially concerning as I am my childrens sole caregiver which is why I am getting sober and staying sober. I'm taking it very seriously.....so why all this despair, its feels like day 1 all over again. Did any other parents have this knawing anxiety over losing their children?
I needed to vent somewhere where people understand. I'm just struggling with this so badly, but don't worry having a drink to ease it is not going to happen. its not an option.
Anyway, as I was doing that I bumped into my daughters old teacher. I don't believe in the my drinking time they ever had a reason to be concerned as I was very functional and my kids are not neglected, but of course now I'm panicking that they think the wine was for me and they are phoning social services as we speak. Ive barely slept, I feel sick, blood tests and breath test would show I haven't had alcohol in 3 weeks, but I'm sat waiting for a knock on my door or a letter stating a report was made. I go to the school and I'm petrified I shall get pulled aside and my history of drinking will come back and bite me. I'm a single parent which is why this is especially concerning as I am my childrens sole caregiver which is why I am getting sober and staying sober. I'm taking it very seriously.....so why all this despair, its feels like day 1 all over again. Did any other parents have this knawing anxiety over losing their children?
I needed to vent somewhere where people understand. I'm just struggling with this so badly, but don't worry having a drink to ease it is not going to happen. its not an option.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Okay. Take a deep breath. Take another deep breath.
You're allowed to buy wine. (I'm assuming you're old enough.)
Deep breath.
No one is going to take your kids.
This spinning brain, runaway thoughts - it's going to get better. Try to be where your feet are - not in an imaginary future or past. Be in this moment. Look around you - touch something, wiggle your fingers. Be in your body.
You're okay.
Totally normal. It gets better.
You're allowed to buy wine. (I'm assuming you're old enough.)
Deep breath.
No one is going to take your kids.
This spinning brain, runaway thoughts - it's going to get better. Try to be where your feet are - not in an imaginary future or past. Be in this moment. Look around you - touch something, wiggle your fingers. Be in your body.
You're okay.
Totally normal. It gets better.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 110
i just didn't see this wave of anxiety coming over as i thought i had fought that beast in the first few days. It is interesting though that i had the exact amount of days sober before my last relapse, perhaps there is something in the cycle that bring this anxiety guilt and shame a few weeks later on again. Thankfully this time i do not feel i am headed to a relapse, i am stronger this time in that way. I don't want to drink.
Thank you, i just want to sleep the days and nights away through all of this. My brain is driving me nuts, i need to calm the **** down.
At 34 I'm sadly old enough lol
Thank you, i just want to sleep the days and nights away through all of this. My brain is driving me nuts, i need to calm the **** down.
At 34 I'm sadly old enough lol
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Kel,
While we are physically clean after a week or two, we are healing.
The brain is used to a alcohol infused environment. Take that away and the brain freaks out.
My brain was freaking out for many months. Even now with tons of sobriety days, i still get flashes of past horror.
So, it has gotten better. If it never gets perfect i will call that normal.
Stay clean. Booze is poison. We are addicted to alcohol for life.
While we are physically clean after a week or two, we are healing.
The brain is used to a alcohol infused environment. Take that away and the brain freaks out.
My brain was freaking out for many months. Even now with tons of sobriety days, i still get flashes of past horror.
So, it has gotten better. If it never gets perfect i will call that normal.
Stay clean. Booze is poison. We are addicted to alcohol for life.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Yeah, what D122y said.
Just acknowledge it (like you did here) and bring yourself back to reality and the present moment. I had a lot of freak outs in early days. Continuous sober time will let your brain heal.
Try looking up "tapping" on youtube. It helped me a lot when I would get into freak out mode. Also, my dental hygienist said she learned in an anxiety seminar to curl her toes when that would happen. According to the teacher of that seminar you can't stay anxious when you are curling your toes.
That also works for me and it's something I can do and no one can see me doing it. (When I remember to do it!)
Just acknowledge it (like you did here) and bring yourself back to reality and the present moment. I had a lot of freak outs in early days. Continuous sober time will let your brain heal.
Try looking up "tapping" on youtube. It helped me a lot when I would get into freak out mode. Also, my dental hygienist said she learned in an anxiety seminar to curl her toes when that would happen. According to the teacher of that seminar you can't stay anxious when you are curling your toes.
That also works for me and it's something I can do and no one can see me doing it. (When I remember to do it!)
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by kel08 
So I'm on day 22 from my last (minor 1 day) relapse, and hopefully that will have been my very last!
Keep up the good work!
You can do this!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Philadelphia Pa
Posts: 14
Tapping
Originally Posted by biminiblue
Yeah, what D122y said.
Just acknowledge it (like you did here) and bring yourself back to reality and the present moment. I had a lot of freak outs in early days. Continuous sober time will let your brain heal.
Try looking up "tapping" on youtube. It helped me a lot when I would get into freak out mode. Also, my dental hygienist said she learned in an anxiety seminar to curl her toes when that would happen. According to the teacher of that seminar you can't stay anxious when you are curling your toes. That also works for me and it's something I can do and no one can see me doing it. (When I remember to do it!)
Just acknowledge it (like you did here) and bring yourself back to reality and the present moment. I had a lot of freak outs in early days. Continuous sober time will let your brain heal.
Try looking up "tapping" on youtube. It helped me a lot when I would get into freak out mode. Also, my dental hygienist said she learned in an anxiety seminar to curl her toes when that would happen. According to the teacher of that seminar you can't stay anxious when you are curling your toes.
That also works for me and it's something I can do and no one can see me doing it. (When I remember to do it!)
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