kevlarsjal

This weeks been pretty horrible so far. My therapist said something that made me question my whole approach to sobriety and my recovery plan. She said i should pressure myself more and that's what made me drink more and more in the first place. I feel so confused and today had only bad surprises for me ending with a big fight with my boyfriend who I just really wanted to see cause I felt so horrible and alone. Now he doesnt want to see me cause I messed it up and he misunderstood me.

He took a couple of days off work and said we'd have lots of time together but now we won't see any of these days. He wanted me to come to his place tonight but I said I might not come and then asked to come later and there was a lot of changing the plans but while I was getting ready he went to have dinner and that disappointed me. I told him I was hurt and sad and asked why he didn't ask before getting dinner what the plan was. But he just found I was horrible and unfair and why he wasn't allowed to have dinner now.

I feel like everything I do is wrong. If I pressure myself it's wrong, if I drink that's wrong too, if I don't pressure myself that's wrong, if I keep my feelings to myself that's wrong, if I say when I'm feeling hurt that seems to be wrong too. It's ridiculous and I'm sure it's only a matter of time until I **** up my sobriety too.

Bunny211

One thing I learned that helped me was not to over analyze. Why I drank, why I didn't drink, how to work my recovery etc. In the beginning we keep it simple. I did the AA route so..don't drink today, get to a meeting, ask my higher power for help, thank my higher power at night. Rinse. Repeat. That is pretty much it early on. Later things fall into place and will start to make sense more and more. For now...don't drink. Get rest. Eat well. Drink water. I believe in you.

bluedog97

I know the feeling of not doing anything right. Sometimes all it takes is a little positive reinforcement, which is hard to come by at times. This is when I'm at most danger of picking up a drink.

Posting here was the right step. And not picking up. Wishing you well.

AnvilheadII

i think you might be disasterfying things a bit here. you took one statement by your therapist and have let them explode into how EVERYTHING you do is wrong, you'll NEVER get anything right ever, and heck, you might as well.........DRINK.

that is where being this upset will lead you.

you wanted to see your BF.
he invited you over.
then you said you weren't coming.
more indecisiveness.
then he has the NERVE to get himself something to eat.
and now you feel you've ruined EVERYTHING.

take a breath. slow your roll. refocus on NOT drinking today no matter what. how about you table the "pressure yourself" bit til the next time you see your therapist and you two can discuss it more. you may have an entirely different vision of what she means.

it's not the end of the world. everything is going to be just fine.

january161992

hi kevlar

im sorry youre going thru a tough time

my experience has been that it will pass

stick with it and things will get better

Dee74

I hope you can keep the therapists remarks in perspective kevlarsjal - like LadyBlue noted in the other thread on the one hand they're saying stay sober for 6 months and then urging you to go out and have a beer with your mates.

I really don't think you are the problem here.
I know the catastrophising cycle well...

Challenging negative thinking | ReachOut.com Australia
Negative Self-Talk: 9 Ways To Silence Your Inner Critic
Challenging Negative Self-Talk | Psych Central
Positive thinking: Reduce stress by eliminating negative self-talk - Mayo Clinic
Change Your Inner Talk From Negative To Positive


I think you're a good person, who's been doing really well, who just got some questionable input.

D

melki

Dump the therapist, that's BS. Don't doubt yourself. Lots of love and self-care and patience. Towards yourself, and then towards your boyfriend and everyone else.

There, you're welcome, save your money, I can be a better therapist than yours.

Sorry, that just really angered me... More pressure and have a beer? What a (@#*$.(Q*&@#...

Delilah1

Sorry you are having a rough night. Definitely take a breath and reboot. I have found mindfulness really helpful, it might be something you are interested in.