bluedog97

I just had a blowup with my family. Provoked by them. Instead of getting angry and getting drunk, I went back at them. Believe me it was a long time coming. I'm convinced they are in the wrong. I need to move badly. Sorry for the vent, but the thought of drinking sounds really good.

What gets to me the most is their disrespect for my recovery. For them to provoke me like this shows how insensitive and disrespectful they are to the situation, to my alcoholism.

biminiblue

Uh oh.

I spent many years with very limited contact with my family. They never changed, so I had to.

bluedog97

Exactly bimini.

I'm am stuck in town with them until I can get finances together. Until then I am stuck, and it's miserable. Moving here was my fault. I'll take ownership for that.

biminiblue

I lived in the same town and didn't talk to my mother for almost three years. Birthdays and Christmas (maybe Thanksgiving, because food coma...)

We managed to get along for a few hours a year. That was plenty - probably for her, too. Then we moved apart by several hundred miles and it changed things quite a bit.

thomas11

You deserve some credit for not drinking. I know it would have probably been easy. Like bimini, I have gone minimal contact with family. And I mean bare minimum.

bluedog97

There is just some longstanding dysfunction here. I just want the truth to come out. Let people make up their own minds.

tomsteve

do you want to be happy and peaceful or do you want to be right?

And acceptance is the answer to all my problems
today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some
person, place, thing, or situation—some fact of my life
—unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until
I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being
exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world
by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I
could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely
on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concen-
trate not so much on what needs to be changed in the
world as on what needs to be changed in me and in
my attitudes.

Perhaps the best thing of all for me is to remember
that my serenity is inversely proportional to my expec-
tations. The higher my expectations of other
people are, the lower is my serenity. I can watch my
serenity level rise when I discard my expectations.
But then my “rights” try to move in, and they too can
force my serenity level down. I have to discard my
“rights,” as well as my expectations, by asking myself,
How important is it, really? How important is it com-
pared to my serenity, my emotional sobriety? And
when I place more value on my serenity and sobriety
than on anything else, I can maintain them at a higher
level—at least for the time being.


I must keep my magic magnifying mind on my ac-
ceptance and off my expectations, for my serenity is
directly proportional to my level of acceptance. When
I remember this, I can see I’ve never had it so good.

bluedog97

I've read that many times and I've always said I'd rather be right. That makes me happy and peaceful.

When I'm being wronged I find very little acceptance. I don't know if that makes me flawed, but it's just who I am.

MsCooterBrown

Do you know..I can't jump in and comment here. Not sure if it was me that made them stay away....or them...that made me stay away.

Toss up I have never figured out. I have all that crap shoved WAY WAY down. I don't like it. Afraid of therapy because if this all come back up it could cause insanity. I really don't handle **** very well huh?

Anna

I stepped away from my family, especially my mother, for years. Fortunately we lived thousands of miles apart, but I cut out phone calls too, for awhile. I didn't need to hear anything she had to say. Sometimes you know what is right for you.

bluedog97

This is exactly what I need to do. I'm just biding my time until I can get some distance. Moving is going to be a chore (when it happens), but so worth it.

I just read a thread about reaching for the bottle when dealt uncomfortable emotions. That's the addicted me. Sometimes, when getting sober, I guess you have to sit on your hands and ride out whatever unpleasant emotions you are going through. I am going through a smorgasboard of them right now.

Bunny211

I had to stay away early on for similar reasons.
Take care o f yourself.
Right now - breathe. Take a walk. listen to some calming music. This isn't fatal and it sure is NOT worth drinking over!

Dee74

I'm really glad you didn't drink bluedog - different actions can produce different outcomes

I'm proud of you - this is a step forwards for sure

D

tomsteve

youve said that in your drinkin days, but do you feel that is the right way to be thinkin in recovery?

humility never hurt anyone.
lack of it has destroyed nations.

Done4today

Good job Bluedog not drinking. I too have limited contact with my family.

There is a saying, if you have to choose between being right or kind best pick to be kind you won't be wrong.

Hevyn

I'm sorry, bluedog. Most of my family never understood what I went through - and didn't really even try. Hoping you can get away from the toxic environment soon.

bluedog97

I just can't do it. I can't be humble here. I must be right. I must be vindicated. They must fall. This is a struggle for the ages. I'm just so angry. This is why I drank.

PhoenixJ

The only person, the only behaviours and emotions you can control are yours. Right and wrong sometimes do not make one feel better- in my case. I empathise.

bluedog97

Thanks for the responses. I'll reread them tomorrow and hopefully not be so closed up. Everything y'all have said I've heard before, but I needed to hear it again. I just get so wrapped up in it. It's good to vent.

Dee74

I found changing them was beyond my power.

What was in my power was for me to walk away - even mentally if not physically.

My family will never admit wrong doing - but I've accepted that...

I'm not blaming myself anymore and I don't open my self to their criticism now...I just tune it out.

I'm the better for it.

It's NOT them winning, bluedog.
It's me not playing the game anymore.

If you make bringing down your family a kind of pre-requisite to you staying sober you're keeping the door to more drinking open.

Shut that door for good bluedog.