Fizzy24

I am a parent of two children, their father has problems with controlling his drinking while they are in his care and things have gotten worse over the last few months. We are not together anymore and I am looking for ideas to teach our children how to be safe when they are with him. They are 11and 5 years old. I have looked over this and tried the internet but I can't seem to find much. Thanks.

Anna

Here are some links for teens:

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/for-alateen

Family Teens Group - Support For Teens Affected by Alcoholism or Addiction within the Family.

Miracles In Progress Family Teens Group - For Teens whose lives are adversely effected by Alcoholism within the Family. Webmaster: John Freifeld

Fizzy24

Thanks for that I'll give them a try. 🙂

FreeOwl

I'd focus on helping them understand basic safety around the house.... and plain, honest education about alcohol and its effects. I'd try to help them understand the issues that alcohol can bring into people's lives without blaming or focusing on their dad. If THEY bring it up "Sometimes, Dad ________________" then use that specific example and help them understand how to be safe.

Try not to make the emphasis be on their Dad's failings but on how to handle the situations they share. Try not to react to emotionally to what they may tell you, because if they feel they're upsetting you then they may not feel as open to share.

It's a tricky thing for sure... I'm sorry you're going through this.

Hevyn

We're glad to have you join us, Fizzy. I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Many here have gone through the same thing - hope we can help.

FreeOwl

I wanted to add one more thing;

I've been that father. I love my children deeply and fully and though I had issues with my drinking even to the point of endangering them.... Ioved them and would never WANT to endanger them.

My ex attacked me and tried to use that against me both with the kids and with the authorities and the court.

I think it would have been a lot more effective if she'd had honest communication with me about her fears for them and respectful discussion with me about how I could commit to ensuring their safety when they were around.

I only offer that for your consideration.... who knows... maybe a caring and respectful approach centered on the children's safety and an appeal to THEIR best interest that isn't confrontational would be useful to you both.

"I don't wish to make you feel accused or defensive, but I have fears about the children's safety with you because of your relationship with alcohol. Would you be willing to talk about those fears and maybe commit to some basic agreements about how we can handle this issue together?"

Maybe he'd be willing to discuss NOT drinking when the kids are around?

Maybe it'd be approachable to let the kids know TOGETHER that if he's been drinking and they're feeling unfcomfortable or unsafe - they can call you....

Maybe there are creative solutions or at least some shared understanding that you can work together toward.

I know how hard these discussions can be when you're already separated and maybe going through a divorce and when issues with trust are heated and swirling.... these are just thoughts from my own experience, looking back and wondering 'what if'....

starstarstar

Welcome Fizzy!
Sorry you're in such a difficult situation.

You might want to check out the Friends and Family forum here, you'll likely find some helpful threads.
Luck to you!