Melissa1217

I'm tired of being referred to AA and finding myself in a lion's den of predators looking for a date.

I'm not going to another one of those meetings.

I'm sorry to those of you who feel you've been helped there.

I find nothing but BS.

I could tell you stories, but I just don't want to type all day.

Considering the fact that both some of us have had past trauma, I feel it's very inappropriate for people to recommend these meetings when their are predators and dishonest sick people there.

doggonecarl

Sorry you have experienced meetings of the sort you describe.

As for your suggestions to go to AA, people tend to recommend what worked for them. And considering the dire nature of your last couple of posts, I am sure they were offered in the hope that you'd find sobriety and respite from your current misery.

There are more ways to get sober than AA. How are you going to do it?

Melissa1217

I don't care. I honestly don't. But I don't need to go through any more trauma.

It's unbelievable it really is. I was even hit on by a woman. Haha. Men with the men and women with the women?

You're not safe. Period.

Maybe God can bring me through. If not I'll dial 911.

But at least I don't have deal with other people's dysfunction.

Amnesiac

You do realize there are meetings that are "women only"???

Anna

You have no need to attend AA if you choose not to. Choose a different path and go for it.

Please remember:

The Newcomers Forum is a safe and welcoming place for newcomers. Respect is essential. Debates over Recovery Methods are not allowed on the Newcomer's Forum. Posts that violate this rule will be removed without notice. (Support and experience only please.)

Melissa1217

I'm in a very rural area of Florida. I go to what's available to me.

There should be a warning on the door about sexual predators.

Please don't deny that people are at risk for inappropriate behavior.

Learninganew

I was complaining about AA in an AA meeting last night, for different reasons to you. I heard a couple of things; "AA is not the solution - it's a solution. The question for you is: is it your solution."

Melissa1217

Obviously I'm going to have to choose a different path.

I feel very misled and misguided. If I'm not allow to express that, posting here is pointless.

Anna

Melissa, you have expressed your concern. Please be mindful of our rules.

biminiblue

Many of us women have past sexual trauma, Melissa. As a drinker I tended to put myself in a lot of dicey situations, and I've read enough here to know that it is pretty common to have sexual trauma intertwined with alcoholism. It's also really common to be paranoid and mentally unstable in active alcoholism and into early sobriety.

I'm not saying you have to go to AA. But just examine your thoughts and understand that you aren't in the best frame of mind. The paranoia and the crippling fear will go away with continuous sobriety. I know I was afraid of everything and everyone and I had judgements about every person I met - usually negative, and usually with no sound reason. The alcohol causes all kinds of mental dysfunction, I finally understand it was me. I hope you find your way out of your self-imposed prison.

I know there are predators - everywhere. Surely you know how to deflect attention, right?

Just because someone is kind to you, doesn't mean they are a predator.

I went to AA meetings in the first several months of sobriety and I know what you mean, but there are safe meetings - and you can keep yourself safe anywhere. There are predators at the grocery store and at BARS, does that keep you away from those places?

Amnesiac

I hear what you're saying that men can go there to prey on women but I don't know how prevelant it is. I'm in the Twin Cities (the "recovery capital of the world") so to me it's like - "there are several hundred meetings a week, just choose another.

But I can understand how one (or several) bad experiences could instantly turn you off. I wish you the best.

tomsteve

wish ya the best on your journey and hope ya find something that works for ya.

im glad to see ya came back here

Melissa1217

Actually I never go to bars and I'm lucky I can walk my dog a few blocks.
I have my groceries delivered.

I wish you all continued success in all your endeavors.

Bird615

Yes, I have encountered some people like that at meetings as well as other places. Learning to have more discernment about who I can trust and how to handle that sort of situation maturely was still far more safer for me than being a drinking female.

biminiblue

There is a way out, Melissa.

Forward12

Are you sure all these people are even hitting on you? It's pretty standard procedure for people to be friendly to newcomers, give them their numbers and tell them to call if they need help, etc,..

Crescent12

You don't have to do AA if you don't feel it's for you, but realize sexual harassment is everywhere. You can wear a fake wedding ring and just say you are married if anyone gets annoying. Have you ever seen the YouTube video of a woman walking around Manhattan for 10 minutes, not even speaking, and all the comments she gets from men? This is typical behavior - not by all men but by many. You could also try to find the nearest women's meeting, online meetings, or try another method. Take up running. I read a great book called "I swear I'll make it up to you" and the author replaced his alcohol and drug addiction with marathon running, after a lot of grief but you get my point. Don't let some annoying person trolling around ruin your sobriety. Unfortunately as women we need to fend off unwanted attention where ever we go.

Steely

I'm with you Melissa, and even more so because you live in a small rural area where your options are limited, and the chances of finding a good meeting (they do exist) limited by choice.

I've thought for a long time that AA was a definite point of entry for the predator, just as we've seen in the church. I think this was backed up by the California Beach University, who were doing research into psychopathy. They had a radio programme I used to tune into called "Aftermath". PhD students, and an Associate Professor Criminology. I could pick it up here.

AA is full of young, not so young, vulnerable women, a virtual honeypot to the predator in the right situation. Small town, blah blah. And that's not to take a swipe at the promises or practices of AA, just a statement of truth about the predator, sometimes the psychopath.

Don't go back if it's like that Melissa. Stick here and find your own way, that's what I'm doing. By staying here you will have access to all different ways, not least your own.

I felt you were disbelieved and made feel crazy. You're not Melissa, I know they exist. I believe you.

starstarstar

Melissa, I'm in Florida also, and I've read the news and heard the horror stories. It might be because there are so many that are court -ordered to satisfy requirements of probation. From what I've heard there is a lack of NA meetings in the area so those people are also forced to attend the AA meetings.

Perhaps a women only online group? I'm not sure if AA has some online but it might be worth looking into.

wpainterw

Melissa: Of course you can always choose a different path. I always find it helpful to focus on who is the "person" that chooses. My real "me" or my AV that has wanted to drink. Good luck on what ever you do!

W.