jjnorris

Hi everyone, I find myself in need of just getting some thoughts out of my head. My AH recently threw me a curve ball. WhIle I thought things were going well, apparently they weren't. He is smoking pot and told me he does not feel normal and wants to try social drinking. He has not had a drink, I will add. Since this revelation, I have found myself in a depression the likes of which I have never felt. I have gone to bed between 5 and 7 multiple nights this week, have fallen behind in school work, am easily frustrated, and fight the urge to cry on a near constant basis. I can usually snap myself out of sad feelings, but I can't do it this time. I fake it to get through my days but this just makes me exhausted. I have talked to my sister and gone to meetings and these are temporary bandaid which disappear when I return home. I know what is going on with me, I recognize this is not good. I just can't shake it. I am not looking for anything here, just felt I needed to write this down for some reason. Thanks for letting me ramble

SmallButMighty

*hugs jj*

Sorry you are having this anxiety.

Trust your gut... it's speaking to you.

Bekindalways

So so very sorry to hear this jj.

I can't remember what you have been doing for yourself but I hope you have been developing a support system.

Many many hugs!

maia1234

Jj,
When is enough, enough? You are becoming physically and mentally ill from the family disease of alcoholism. You have options, and you know that.

Nothing changes if nothing changes. Sending hugs to you.

LynCM

^^^ THIS.

Know your boundaries. Find out where you draw the line. If you have a feeling of dread as you're headed home, that is speaking to you. Listen to your gut, as someone else had mentioned.

YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY.

Maudcat

Time to decide. You can live with a pot smoker/drinker, with all that that entails.
Or you can leave.
Doesn't have to be today. Or tomorrow.
But you should probably leave.

Lilro

Good Morning

It's exhausting, isn't it? Please know that you deserve much more than this for yourself. I hope you find clarity soon.

Xo Ro

Jaeger

jj- No advice but wanted you to know that you are not alone. Although my AH is now sober, it took many tries to get where he is today. At one time he had 8 months sobriety.....or so I thought! I was absolutely devastated when he started drinking again. Just this weekend, several years later, I found out that he never really stopped. He was drinking beer the entire time, just not vodka.

PhoenixJ

firebolt

It is so defeating. Take care of yourself. <3

hopeful4

At the end of my marriage, I was to a point that I had absolute 100% dread of going home. I worked late, did other things, took the kids out and about, anything to avoid being there because it was dragging me down in the pits of anxiety and depression.

Nothing changes if nothing changes. Hugs.