Some Things I Need to Remember
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Join Date: Dec 2016
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Some Things I Need to Remember
I'm writing this now because I know how memories can lose their clarity over time and it's easy for my AV to try to find a different narrative that will try to lead me back to drinking. If anyone sees me posting about looking at moderation or being cured or if I am unsure I have a problem, I need to come back and read this post. I have intended to write this several times for nearly a month and keep putting it off, so here goes:
1) I am an alcoholic, I can't drink again, and if I do I don't know when or if I will see sobriety, it could be days, weeks, years or never. I lost at least a complete year to being drunk quite possibly 2-3 years; the sad fact is I just don't know. At some point it became too blurred to tell.
2) When I was drinking I wasn't enjoying it I was just drinking because I felt I had to. It was also debilitating, I was organising my life around drinking because there was so much I could not do once I started. After quitting the last 2 months I have spent a lot of it having significant daily cravings due to withdrawal.
3) I was drinking over 90 units a week, typically 2-3, 1L bottles of vodka and 3-4 bottles of wine. Just because I didn't drink until I passed out doesn't mean I didn't have a problem.
4) I had daily pain in my kidneys and liver and had warning markers in blood tests. Also the daily hang over, the fuzziness, just barely getting through each day because I was so hungover. Feeling disgusted and guilty all the time, the lying, hiding booze, all of that was hell. It also effected my work a lot, I went from being the smartest, innovative, top guy to being someone who was just bumbling through and getting things wrong 1/2 the time. I do not want to be that guy again. And let's not even talk about the effect on my love-life.
5) Anxiety and depression were much worse and drinking will only make them worse. Drinking accentuates my problem and does not alleviate it.
6) Drinking always gets worse the longer it goes on: just before I quit I had constant pain and depression, I am fairly certain I would have died if I had continued. I do not want to go back to that state or worse.
7) Drinking was effecting my relationships with everyone negatively, it has no benefits.
8) I have an addictive personality, the only solution for me is to stop and stay stopped I thought I could moderate and control my drinking, I can't.
9) A month or two before I quit I had pretty much decided that I would just drink until something happened and I died; I deserve better than that and so do the people around me.
10) There is help here and other places when I need it.
1) I am an alcoholic, I can't drink again, and if I do I don't know when or if I will see sobriety, it could be days, weeks, years or never. I lost at least a complete year to being drunk quite possibly 2-3 years; the sad fact is I just don't know. At some point it became too blurred to tell.
2) When I was drinking I wasn't enjoying it I was just drinking because I felt I had to. It was also debilitating, I was organising my life around drinking because there was so much I could not do once I started. After quitting the last 2 months I have spent a lot of it having significant daily cravings due to withdrawal.
3) I was drinking over 90 units a week, typically 2-3, 1L bottles of vodka and 3-4 bottles of wine. Just because I didn't drink until I passed out doesn't mean I didn't have a problem.
4) I had daily pain in my kidneys and liver and had warning markers in blood tests. Also the daily hang over, the fuzziness, just barely getting through each day because I was so hungover. Feeling disgusted and guilty all the time, the lying, hiding booze, all of that was hell. It also effected my work a lot, I went from being the smartest, innovative, top guy to being someone who was just bumbling through and getting things wrong 1/2 the time. I do not want to be that guy again. And let's not even talk about the effect on my love-life.
5) Anxiety and depression were much worse and drinking will only make them worse. Drinking accentuates my problem and does not alleviate it.
6) Drinking always gets worse the longer it goes on: just before I quit I had constant pain and depression, I am fairly certain I would have died if I had continued. I do not want to go back to that state or worse.
7) Drinking was effecting my relationships with everyone negatively, it has no benefits.
8) I have an addictive personality, the only solution for me is to stop and stay stopped I thought I could moderate and control my drinking, I can't.
9) A month or two before I quit I had pretty much decided that I would just drink until something happened and I died; I deserve better than that and so do the people around me.
10) There is help here and other places when I need it.
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