Bad weekend
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: Scotland
Posts: 780
Bad weekend
I have had the weekend from hell and need to write this down in some way to make sense of my feelings.
I had a weekend away with friends - 2 of them drank to excess and argued. A LOT. I came home to my boyfriend (who was at a football game all day, so was also very drunk) I am 6 months pregnant and have a near 2 year old and was basically verbally abused, shouted at and pushed. He's rarely drinks but when he does something like this happens. This is the only time I've been away from my son also and was told how bad a mother I was for doing this.
I feel I'm doing well in my recovery, I try my hardest every day but this has really set me back.
I feel like I'll never escape feeling like I'm alone in all this....close friends, my partner, people I should feel safe with I don't. I'm beginning to hate any association with alcohol but know I need to live in a world were its such a huge part of everyone's lives. The worse part is I always revert back to feeling like I've done something wrong and I thought I'd moved away from that.
I don't know what I want to say really, just like I go three steps forward and 6 steps back.
FG x
I had a weekend away with friends - 2 of them drank to excess and argued. A LOT. I came home to my boyfriend (who was at a football game all day, so was also very drunk) I am 6 months pregnant and have a near 2 year old and was basically verbally abused, shouted at and pushed. He's rarely drinks but when he does something like this happens. This is the only time I've been away from my son also and was told how bad a mother I was for doing this.
I feel I'm doing well in my recovery, I try my hardest every day but this has really set me back.
I feel like I'll never escape feeling like I'm alone in all this....close friends, my partner, people I should feel safe with I don't. I'm beginning to hate any association with alcohol but know I need to live in a world were its such a huge part of everyone's lives. The worse part is I always revert back to feeling like I've done something wrong and I thought I'd moved away from that.
I don't know what I want to say really, just like I go three steps forward and 6 steps back.
FG x
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
I'm really sorry you're dealing with this fg.
Abuse is never ok - and shouting screaming and pushing - particularly when your son is there and you're pregnant - is really not ok - not at all.
I know it's a big step but there is help out there and people to talk to - noone needs to suffer in fear or in silence.
Keep yourself and your kids safe.
Are you experiencing violence? | White Ribbon Scotland
http://www.scotland.police.uk/keep-s...omestic-abuse/
Women?s Aid can help
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/sc...estic-abuse-s/
http://www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk/
http://www.refuge.org.uk/get-help-no...nce-the-facts/
D
Abuse is never ok - and shouting screaming and pushing - particularly when your son is there and you're pregnant - is really not ok - not at all.
I know it's a big step but there is help out there and people to talk to - noone needs to suffer in fear or in silence.
Keep yourself and your kids safe.
Are you experiencing violence? | White Ribbon Scotland
http://www.scotland.police.uk/keep-s...omestic-abuse/
Women?s Aid can help
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/sc...estic-abuse-s/
http://www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk/
http://www.refuge.org.uk/get-help-no...nce-the-facts/
D
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: Scotland
Posts: 780
Thanks Dee. I know this behaviour isn't okay and not something I want my son to ever experience or be around but I guess he is.
I'm embarrassed to say this is happening to me. I think of myself as a strong person and feel weak when the apologies about him not remembering what happened start coming. I've told him today it's over but I know he'll make me feel so bad I end up giving in.
I feel very vulnerable and emotional and just want to feel safe and secure with someone who should love me, I probably stay because I feel he's been there for me when I was coming to terms with being an alcoholic. If im honest I also feel scared to let go and feel like it's another thing I've ruined in life.
Thanks for the links.
FG x
I'm embarrassed to say this is happening to me. I think of myself as a strong person and feel weak when the apologies about him not remembering what happened start coming. I've told him today it's over but I know he'll make me feel so bad I end up giving in.
I feel very vulnerable and emotional and just want to feel safe and secure with someone who should love me, I probably stay because I feel he's been there for me when I was coming to terms with being an alcoholic. If im honest I also feel scared to let go and feel like it's another thing I've ruined in life.
Thanks for the links.
FG x
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
I was embarrassed too when it happened to me - and both my partner and I wanted desperately to forget it and go back to normal...only for something new to happen a week, or a month down the track.
I too felt great guilt and I wanted to fix her...I wanted to repay her for things - great kindnesses she'd done...she believed in me when I was losing myself in pain, drugs and alcohol..
I felt like if she could be so good it must be my fault when things go bad....
I can't tell you what to do - but I want to express very clearly that you haven't done anything to make this happen, and it's not something you deserve.
It's certainly not something your kid, and child to be, deserve.
Getting out of that situation was the second best thing I ever did for myself, only beaten by getting sober 10 or so years later.
D
I too felt great guilt and I wanted to fix her...I wanted to repay her for things - great kindnesses she'd done...she believed in me when I was losing myself in pain, drugs and alcohol..
I felt like if she could be so good it must be my fault when things go bad....
I can't tell you what to do - but I want to express very clearly that you haven't done anything to make this happen, and it's not something you deserve.
It's certainly not something your kid, and child to be, deserve.
Getting out of that situation was the second best thing I ever did for myself, only beaten by getting sober 10 or so years later.
D
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: Scotland
Posts: 780
Guess I really need to stop blaming myself for every crappy situation I find myself in. My automatic response is - this is your fault.
My main concern is staying sober and I feel with each knock I take mentally its getting harder to do. My son and the baby I'm carrying mean everything to me and I want to do the right thing, I know staying in a relationship that's bad for me isn't the right thing.
Thanks Dee for taking the time to respond to me, its really helped.
FG x
My main concern is staying sober and I feel with each knock I take mentally its getting harder to do. My son and the baby I'm carrying mean everything to me and I want to do the right thing, I know staying in a relationship that's bad for me isn't the right thing.
Thanks Dee for taking the time to respond to me, its really helped.
FG x
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 366
You know from an older (50s) woman's perspective. . . I can see my younger self in your posts. There is such a need in us to feel safe and supported. I think it's in our genetic makeup, in our DNA.
But some of us just weren't dealt the best situations at birth. We grow up with a sense of being alone and needing to be self sufficient.
And it becomes easy for us to end up with partners who aren't as supportive as they should be (because those sort of lopsided relationship just seem normal to us).
Then you add a few children. And now you are self-sufficient, but also needing to extend yourself to being their support system and safety net (even though you don't have one for yourself).
You end up with unrealistic expectation of how much you can physically and emotional shoulder alone. So anything that falls through the cracks feels like a personal failure ('cause shouldn't you be able to handle it all???).
It's exhausting. I know. I was that person for a very long time.
My kids grew up and left home.
And I'm only now realizing things really have been unfair to me. But I've been really unfair to myself.
I'm not even sure what I'm trying to say. I just can "feel" what you are saying. I really want better for you. YOU DESERVE BETTER.
But some of us just weren't dealt the best situations at birth. We grow up with a sense of being alone and needing to be self sufficient.
And it becomes easy for us to end up with partners who aren't as supportive as they should be (because those sort of lopsided relationship just seem normal to us).
Then you add a few children. And now you are self-sufficient, but also needing to extend yourself to being their support system and safety net (even though you don't have one for yourself).
You end up with unrealistic expectation of how much you can physically and emotional shoulder alone. So anything that falls through the cracks feels like a personal failure ('cause shouldn't you be able to handle it all???).
It's exhausting. I know. I was that person for a very long time.
My kids grew up and left home.
And I'm only now realizing things really have been unfair to me. But I've been really unfair to myself.
I'm not even sure what I'm trying to say. I just can "feel" what you are saying. I really want better for you. YOU DESERVE BETTER.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
I would seriously consider removing myself from any situation which involves being around other drunks.
Most of the rest of the world doesn't get drunk like we, our SO's and our old pals seem to do.
Keep us posted with your efforts, we're certainly hopeful you get to where you need to be to protect yourself, your child and your in vitro baby.
Most of the rest of the world doesn't get drunk like we, our SO's and our old pals seem to do.
Keep us posted with your efforts, we're certainly hopeful you get to where you need to be to protect yourself, your child and your in vitro baby.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Scotland
Posts: 780
Originally Posted by milly4me 
You know from an older (50s) woman's perspective. . . I can see my younger self in your posts. There is such a need in us to feel safe and supported. I think it's in our genetic makeup, in our DNA.
But some of us just weren't dealt the best situations at birth. We grow up with a sense of being alone and needing to be self sufficient.
And it becomes easy for us to end up with partners who aren't as supportive as they should be (because those sort of lopsided relationship just seem normal to us).
Then you add a few children. And now you are self-sufficient, but also needing to extend yourself to being their support system and safety net (even though you don't have one for yourself).
You end up with unrealistic expectation of how much you can physically and emotional shoulder alone. So anything that falls through the cracks feels like a personal failure ('cause shouldn't you be able to handle it all???).
It's exhausting. I know. I was that person for a very long time.
My kids grew up and left home.
And I'm only now realizing things really have been unfair to me. But I've been really unfair to myself.
I'm not even sure what I'm trying to say. I just can "feel" what you are saying. I really want better for you. YOU DESERVE BETTER.
But some of us just weren't dealt the best situations at birth. We grow up with a sense of being alone and needing to be self sufficient.
And it becomes easy for us to end up with partners who aren't as supportive as they should be (because those sort of lopsided relationship just seem normal to us).
Then you add a few children. And now you are self-sufficient, but also needing to extend yourself to being their support system and safety net (even though you don't have one for yourself).
You end up with unrealistic expectation of how much you can physically and emotional shoulder alone. So anything that falls through the cracks feels like a personal failure ('cause shouldn't you be able to handle it all???).
It's exhausting. I know. I was that person for a very long time.
My kids grew up and left home.
And I'm only now realizing things really have been unfair to me. But I've been really unfair to myself.
I'm not even sure what I'm trying to say. I just can "feel" what you are saying. I really want better for you. YOU DESERVE BETTER.
I want my son to have such a full and happy life but feel I'm thwarting this by staying with someone I shouldn't be with.
Thanks again for your reply.
FG x
All is Change
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,284
"Women's Aid groups provide information, support and safe temporary accommodation to women, children and young people throughout Scotland. 39 Women's Aid groups are affiliated to SWA. Many Women's Aid groups provide continued support to women, children and young people when they are re-housed and also provide outreach services in the community."
Women's Aid in Scotland - Shelter Scotland
Women's Aid in Scotland - Shelter Scotland
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: Scotland
Posts: 780
Originally Posted by Grymt
"Women's Aid groups provide information, support and safe temporary accommodation to women, children and young people throughout Scotland. 39 Women's Aid groups are affiliated to SWA. Many Women's Aid groups provide continued support to women, children and young people when they are re-housed and also provide outreach services in the community."
Women's Aid in Scotland - Shelter Scotland
Women's Aid in Scotland - Shelter Scotland
I just felt I needed to write down what was happening to make sense of it.
Thanks though.
FG x
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