bubita

I have been sober for 21 days. I always been what I call "a functional alcoholic". I told myself it was ok to drink because I was not hurting anyone, I payed my bills, my taxes and kept an outside image.
My first thought when waking up with a hungover on my day off was: beer at 11....then wine...I couldn't wait to do it.
Now I'm not drinking. Something awful happened that made me really really want to stop.
I don't know who I am now.... I'm trying to take one day at the time as they say in AA...I'm hoping if I just hang in there it will get easier?
Xx

Dee74

Hi and welcoem bubita

I'm not sure how long you drank for but I drank for years -it took me a little while to discover the real me again...a little longer than 3 weeks anyway

I can guarantee if you hang in there and stay sober and keep working on your recovery you'll discover good and amazing things about yourself

Feel free to come and check out the Newcomers forum too - you'd be very welcome there

Newcomers to Recovery - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

D

bubita

Thank you Dee74, I started to drink as early teenager...weekends etc...all my life I have drunk lots...until the times where I wake up just thinking about when can I have a drink.....I managed to go through life and achieve stuff though...Many times I wanted to stop getting drunk. The blackouts, the behaviour, the crazy stuff .. I'm doing it now and I'm getting support from every angle. Makes me laugh when people says: so and so is an alcoholic, why doesn't she get help?!?! Like "help" is some kind of paracetamol for a simple headache... I feel very irritable but I think it's part of the process?

Dee74

yeah being irritable is pretty common for a couple of weeks or so...

You've found a good place for that help here tho

D

PhoenixJ

Hello Bub- thanks and welcome. 'Who am I now?'
I drank myself- to escape, forget- to numb. To feel ANYTHING (ambiguous, that)- good or bad- heightened. So when I stopped- the normal adult (or what I thought were adult- but dysfunctional) emotions and unresolved memories woke up. Sober me is not at all happy with the drunk me (aswell as most of the universe).
It takes work- face to face support- therapist, AA/SMART- whatever. It takes daily commitment. Wishing stuff will get better just because I stopped drinking did not happen. I then had to deal with all the crap I drank to avoid.
See a doc about the physical stuff. Use the SR stuff and make a sobriety plan. Work out what to do when feeling like drinking. Mark stuff on a calendar.
Read, share, exercise. Watch u-tube doco's about alcoholism. Read and share in newcomer's threads. Keep posting. Journal. Do stuff differently. I am still working out who I am- because I never really knew before. With sobriety I am becoming the person I should be.
PJ

August252015

Welcome. It takes time- and as you stay sober, you discover a lot about yourself and have the gift of deciding and learning who you want to be.

Glad you're here.

Mattq2

Welcome to SR,
It will get better I promise. For me it took quite awhile to drink myself to the depths that I did. So the posite changes came slowly but they do come. Try not to think about the past right now. Be positive and focus on your new sober life. It will get so much better with each passing day

bubita

Thank you PhoenixJ,
Everything you suggest I'm doing. I find the youtube videos very helpful. I went to my doctor and I have an appointment for specialised counselling... I'm exercising...journal...and now I joined you lovely supportive people....
Thank you for the encouragement. I don't even want to go on holidays because I don't know what I would do with myself without drinking alcohol...This is my 3rd week sober and I find that I was happier the qst and 2nd week... now is like I am in a weird place. I read that it is because the chemistry in the brain changes and serotonin level is modified.
I will do my best.
Thank you for the support

bubita

Could I ask? Is it important to deal with the spiritual part of us? AA is Christianity focused but I don't like that...
Thank you for your support

Dee74

There are secular meeting based recovery groups like SMART and LifeRing but they're not as widespread as AA Meetings

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

Some take a secular approach to AA - we have a forum for that here:
Secular 12 Step Recovery - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

D

NewRomanMan

AA is NOT Christianity focused. It's spirituality focused, and there is a huge difference. Your higher power doesn't have to be God, Jesus, Mohammed or anyone else. It can be a paper cup. You can be an atheist. As long as you believe it's a power greater than yourself and that it (whatever it is) can help you stop drinking.

bubita

Oh really? I didn't know that. .. I read a few books about people overcoming alcohol and hAvington help from AA. One of them was a man doing a marathon in atacama desert in Chile. I contacted him by email as I'm chilean ... he was horrible to me... and he kept saying things lije: talk to me when you find Jesus....
Anyway...

Dee74

I wouldn't judge the whole of AA by one guy

D

NewRomanMan

Dee is right. Don't let anyone try to convince you that things have to be a certain way. You only have to be willing to acknowledge a power greater than yourself that can help keep you sober. Doesn't matter who or what. Heck, alcohol was a power greater than me. The bottle of beer sitting on the bar was a power greater than me. I was helpless against it. It wasn't a long leap for me to find a higher power. Lol.

gregknight

It really sounds like you have made some good decisions to work on recovery and have made some laudable progress. Always keep in mind, it only takes one drink to undue it all....because there is no "1" drink for us. And yes, irritability, some anger, depression, even paranoia, can be a part of detox and recovery, but you seem to have a pretty good handle on it. As others have said, AA is not Christian based, but spiritually based. I've not been to a regular AA meeting that was Christian in character. Don't let one individual keep you from a valuable resource. Best luck to you in your efforts!