bronzie

I made the stupid decision to have "a glass of wine" for Valentine's Day. Well that turned into a bottle of red wine and a pint of vodka all within a matter of several hours. Ridiculous, I know. I feel terrible now and hope I haven't damaged my health too much by binging. This is what I used to do several times a week, and almost daily even! Not anymore, but I hate the slip ups! I was feeling so much better in sobriety, but feeling good was a weird feeling to me. For some lame reason, I think alcohol and cigarettes are a comfort for me. I also hadn't smoked in a couple weeks and just got over a bad cold. Oh, I'm starting to feel good....let me just go mess that all up again! Needless to say, everyone is now pissed off at me and I have to deal with that aftermath after already being cussed out and berated all night. How am I going to get thru the day....the week....the rest of life? Wishing someone understood me. Sorry for the rant....just needed to get that out.

Midwest1981

I have done the same thing several times! It is always that first drink that leads to the rest of the nightmare.

It is strange to feel good at first but then it gets to feeling normal. Then eventually you don't want that first drink because you know what it does...and it isn't worth it.

I hope you feel better soon!! The shame is so bad the first few days but then it gets better.

Bunny211

Been there, done that.
Don't drink today.
Go to a meeting. Push the reset button. Start over.

ScottFromWI

The same way you got through the last 3 weeks without drinking, right? Or maybe you need to add something to your recovery plan? We definitely understand, we've all been there before and are completely familiar with the twisted logic that addition tries to feed you. Of course one glass of wine won't be a problem, it's valentines day, right?

What were you doing for your recovery the last 3 weeks? Were you going to meetings or follwing some other formal recovery plan?

Gottalife

Not that ridiculous really. In fact it was the most natural thing in the world for an alcoholic to do. Maybe if you follow Bunny's suggestion and get involved in AA, it will become natural for you to stay sober. I don't drink today because it doesn't occur to me to drink. I naturally behave in a different way.

bronzie

I want it to not ever occur to me to drink! That sounds like a wonderful life! I am going to get there. I really didn't even enjoy it, it was just a stupid thing for me to do and now everyone hates me, but I am not in charge of others' feelings or choices, only my own. I will not drink today or tomorrow or hopefully ever again! It's just not worth all the negative consequences!

Dee74

Welcome back Bronzie

Make the changes you need to make in your life and reach out to your support when you need it

Make a plan

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

D

january161992

proven over and over that its a serious and fatal disease

glad youre back

noneever

Oh so many times I've told myself it'll be just the one. When I drink alone, it's never just one. And when I do have just one with other people, I'm always wanting more. And then go and more the following day.
It's a terrible way to live.
The voice in your head which tells you just one is a filthy, lying bastard.

Behappy1

Yes it is! You're not alone. Today is day one for me too. AGAIN. What started out as "controlled drinking" quickly became out of control for me.

milly4me

so sorry to hear you are struggling. I know too well what it's like to "white knuckle" that "just one" glass of wine. I mean really, you know the very BEST that can happen is that you are successful in fighting with every ounce of your emotional strength to stop after one. So even if you're successful, it's still kind of miserable. Best to not pickup a drink to start, I guess. I'm still trying to learn this lesson myself.

Hang in there. You can do this.

heartcore

We are addicts and alcoholics.

It's the truth and it is awkward on holidays and it means that - for some truly inexplicable reason - overloading our bodies with toxic poison as quickly as we can drink-inhale-snort-shoot-**** it all in makes us feel safe & cozy & like "ourselves."

Huh.

That sucks. Especially when everyone else in the room is doing "polite sips" & we are compelled irrationally to try to stuff as many toxins into our bodies as quickly as we can through every available oriface.

Seriously! It's craaaazy!

I don't want to be her! She is greedy & desperate & demanding with the toxins! I want to be a kayaker girl or something!

Ok. So. If I shame myself with this compulsivity to self-harm through rapid ingestion of poison in social situations, I have to assume that I need a wee bit o' help. I need to recognize that I have altered my neural pathways (or maybe I was born with them like this) in such a way that I prefer debilitating my body with poison until I am ill rather than, say, going trekking across a mountaintop at sunrise.

Go figure.

Something is wrong here, and - even if I get support - it is up to me to figure out how to fix this. I can't change that this is who I might be right now, but we all have the right to say "this is enough time that I have spent on this ridiculous behavior for one lifetime."

Even "sober," I'm sucking down coffee & cigarettes on the back porch at the moment I wake - ignorant of attending the sun.

I have missed like over 18,000 sunrises...
It makes me want to weep.