How do I do this?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 178
How do I do this?
I'm 52 and have been drinking since my teens. I'm starting to have health issues and I need to quit. Everything that is fun in life is planned with drinking included for me. Looking forward it's so hard to see that anything will be worth doing if I can't include a cocktail with it or at least at the end of the day. I can't imagine my life without it. It scares me. I want so badly to be healthy. I have alot to live for and be thankful for but this crap keeps pulling me back. I hate it. Why can I not imagine a life without alcohol would be worth living? I have tried to quit so many times but that freaking voice just shows up out of nowhere telling me that I've been good. I deserve this one drink. Just tonight. I can be sailing along and then BAM it hits like a truck. You can't drink tonight. Then I'm really depressed. I need to get it together.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
Don't look at it as 'forever', just take it one day at a time. Don't drink today. And then when you wake up, do the same thing. 
Before you know it, you'll have some solid sober time and will be starting to see the benefits of sobriety. And the longer you go sober, the thoughts of drinking will be fewer.
I used to wonder what I'd do if I didn't drink. Now I know I can do most anything sober, and do it better!
Before you know it, you'll have some solid sober time and will be starting to see the benefits of sobriety. And the longer you go sober, the thoughts of drinking will be fewer. I used to wonder what I'd do if I didn't drink. Now I know I can do most anything sober, and do it better!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Good advice from least, lucky. I could not wrap my head around never drinking again, so I didn't. Just took it a day at a time.
I won't drink today. One day became another became another.
Well, you get the drift.
Baby steps.
I won't drink today. One day became another became another.
Well, you get the drift.
Baby steps.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
I doubt that a single person here could have imagined where this journey would take them!
Only you can take those first steps, but if you do, I can pretty confidently assure you that you will discover a life in which you find joy, meaning, friendship, and busy days full of fascinating adventures - all without alcohol.
Alcohol is the trickster. It makes us truly believe that it creates "the fun."
I believe it is - in truth - a massive weight that we pull behind us, as we try to be happy.
It takes an initial time to clear the illusion. After that, life is actually magnified in meaning, peace, happinesses. I am engaged & interested in the world. I think most would say we "picked the door" with the pile of treasure behind it!
I know it looks like a drab, battered, locked door.
I know the other door is shiny & has Christmas lights around it & a long line waiting behind the velvet rope.
It's a lie. Its a trick. Life is actually behind the first, quiet, shadowed door. Sobriety is the key.
So much life-treasure.
Prepare to be amazed.
Only you can take those first steps, but if you do, I can pretty confidently assure you that you will discover a life in which you find joy, meaning, friendship, and busy days full of fascinating adventures - all without alcohol.
Alcohol is the trickster. It makes us truly believe that it creates "the fun."
I believe it is - in truth - a massive weight that we pull behind us, as we try to be happy.
It takes an initial time to clear the illusion. After that, life is actually magnified in meaning, peace, happinesses. I am engaged & interested in the world. I think most would say we "picked the door" with the pile of treasure behind it!
I know it looks like a drab, battered, locked door.
I know the other door is shiny & has Christmas lights around it & a long line waiting behind the velvet rope.
It's a lie. Its a trick. Life is actually behind the first, quiet, shadowed door. Sobriety is the key.
So much life-treasure.
Prepare to be amazed.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,036
Good advice above, definitely focus on one day, even one hour/minute at a time in the beginning if you need to. Reading your post it sounds like AVRT might be something you want to explore to help you on your journey in recovery.
There are lots of great threads on here that offer daily support. The 24 hour thread is a good place to make a commitment to remain sober for the next 24 hours, and the monthly classes are great. You might want to pop into the February of 2017 class, you will find the support of others who have committed or recommitted to sobriety this month.
You can do this, and I promise sobriety is worth it!!
There are lots of great threads on here that offer daily support. The 24 hour thread is a good place to make a commitment to remain sober for the next 24 hours, and the monthly classes are great. You might want to pop into the February of 2017 class, you will find the support of others who have committed or recommitted to sobriety this month.
You can do this, and I promise sobriety is worth it!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,909
I don't personally relate to one day at a time, and somehow the idea that I never ever have to worry about drinking again and never changing my mind is what did the trick. I remember being terrified in the beginning, but it definitely gets better, and you rebuild your life around other things. Alcohol is not a necessity, especially in our case when it starts ruining lives. Don't get depressed about it, get excited how free from this obsession you're about to become! All the things you can do, anything and everything, and you don't have to build your life around alcohol anymore. It's a very common fear, and many of us find that it was unfounded. You'll be pleasantly surprised to find relief and freedom and a much better life instead. Best wishes!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 734
Some great advice here already and we all know how daunting it seems - I'll be honest went with a bit of everything and took whatever helped me from each and every possible place - seemed help with counselling / attended AA & NA / GP read anything and everything that felt remotely relevant - listened to others and stick close to this place ", there's some amazing people on here and lots of support - one thing tho I knew was I had to change me and my lifestyle and I made a promise to myself that no matter what I will never drink again.
You have to want it and have a determination like no other but believe life after drink and drugs is much better / much more rewarding and to be honest much more fun (you can remember what the hell you've been doing).
Make that step and keep at it and I promise you it will without doubt be the best thing you ever do (for the record only a few years between us and like many others know exactly how much our lives revolved around anything and everything to do with drinking - it doesn't have to be that way tho and once you some time you look back and question why / what really made me think it was oh so special - it really isn't that great once you look back from afar - life is for living not existing for the next time we're away with the fairies)
Give it a go - a real go. Good luck
You have to want it and have a determination like no other but believe life after drink and drugs is much better / much more rewarding and to be honest much more fun (you can remember what the hell you've been doing).
Make that step and keep at it and I promise you it will without doubt be the best thing you ever do (for the record only a few years between us and like many others know exactly how much our lives revolved around anything and everything to do with drinking - it doesn't have to be that way tho and once you some time you look back and question why / what really made me think it was oh so special - it really isn't that great once you look back from afar - life is for living not existing for the next time we're away with the fairies)
Give it a go - a real go. Good luck
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 1,174
I can't think about 'forever'.....to be honest 'a year' seems totally out of reach right now.
I've had maybe 4 or 5 goes at sober now.....I try not to think about them as having ended in 'relapse' so much as being 'dry runs' .
Having some weeks away from alcohol has been a revelation. I found that I could really enjoy sober living. It was peaceful. It was productive . I could drive whenever, felt better in myself, connected with others. I enjoy it.
It taught me that sober living can be really good. Each time I went back to drinking I'd inevitably compare what this is like compared to that. This gradually becomes not so good by comparison.
Like you, I couldn't imagine life without. I can now....it makes it seem possible to achieve.
Give it a go.....
I've had maybe 4 or 5 goes at sober now.....I try not to think about them as having ended in 'relapse' so much as being 'dry runs' .
Having some weeks away from alcohol has been a revelation. I found that I could really enjoy sober living. It was peaceful. It was productive . I could drive whenever, felt better in myself, connected with others. I enjoy it.
It taught me that sober living can be really good. Each time I went back to drinking I'd inevitably compare what this is like compared to that. This gradually becomes not so good by comparison.
Like you, I couldn't imagine life without. I can now....it makes it seem possible to achieve.
Give it a go.....
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
I shared at a meeting last night - it was a non-12 step organization. I was invited, but had no idea what the primary focus was, so my share was wide (a polite way of saying "all over the place").
Anytime I'm asked to speak, I go in the bathroom first & ask the "force" to use me & say what needs to be said.
Canguy, my whole share turned out to be about exactly that - the idea the we are simply all in process, moving at the most decisive pace we are able, and that - for some of us - the moving toward sobriety (but not being able to "hold" to infinity & beyond) - is simply how it goes. And that those times & experiences have value & should not be dismissed or shamed.
I related my own journey & then talked about my journey with my daughter, who is also an addict. Describing her experience, I said - "can we really devalue the new reality of someone who is sober 20 of 30 days, after years of being intoxicated 30 of 30 days? Is there a life value difference between someone crashing cars & punching troopers in the nose in a vodka/meth blackout vs. someone reaching for sobriety & "relapsing" a few days a month with a bottle of wine at home?"
It generated a really interesting discussion. One I wish we had more often!
Because during that transitional period, my daughter was drowning in shame that she couldn't "hold" abstinence, but was making astounding, revelatory changes which took power & diligence. We miss those profound changes often when we only admit a single end-game.
Many folks have found that abstinence, total abstinence, feels easier. The 12-step community only honors abstinence. But there should be some loving recognition for the trying, which is so often the start of change...I think so anyway.
Right now, my daughter is inside full abstinence. But I was proud of her then, when it wasn't absolute, but did represent a 95% shift in lifestyle.
I recognize that it's a gray area. But if we keep squinting & being blind to all the gray, we exclude so many thousands of excellent people who are throwing down to make extraordinary changes in their lives.
It's gray like suboxone is gray for a heroin addict. It is going against the tide to say that not-drinking for 20 days of 30 is a meaningful shift. But I have decided to stand boldly in that gray area of the fence. Yes, abstinence is so much clearer. But I want anyone struggling with drugs & alcohol to feel my support, even if they inhabit the gray world of in-between...
Anytime I'm asked to speak, I go in the bathroom first & ask the "force" to use me & say what needs to be said.
Canguy, my whole share turned out to be about exactly that - the idea the we are simply all in process, moving at the most decisive pace we are able, and that - for some of us - the moving toward sobriety (but not being able to "hold" to infinity & beyond) - is simply how it goes. And that those times & experiences have value & should not be dismissed or shamed.
I related my own journey & then talked about my journey with my daughter, who is also an addict. Describing her experience, I said - "can we really devalue the new reality of someone who is sober 20 of 30 days, after years of being intoxicated 30 of 30 days? Is there a life value difference between someone crashing cars & punching troopers in the nose in a vodka/meth blackout vs. someone reaching for sobriety & "relapsing" a few days a month with a bottle of wine at home?"
It generated a really interesting discussion. One I wish we had more often!
Because during that transitional period, my daughter was drowning in shame that she couldn't "hold" abstinence, but was making astounding, revelatory changes which took power & diligence. We miss those profound changes often when we only admit a single end-game.
Many folks have found that abstinence, total abstinence, feels easier. The 12-step community only honors abstinence. But there should be some loving recognition for the trying, which is so often the start of change...I think so anyway.
Right now, my daughter is inside full abstinence. But I was proud of her then, when it wasn't absolute, but did represent a 95% shift in lifestyle.
I recognize that it's a gray area. But if we keep squinting & being blind to all the gray, we exclude so many thousands of excellent people who are throwing down to make extraordinary changes in their lives.
It's gray like suboxone is gray for a heroin addict. It is going against the tide to say that not-drinking for 20 days of 30 is a meaningful shift. But I have decided to stand boldly in that gray area of the fence. Yes, abstinence is so much clearer. But I want anyone struggling with drugs & alcohol to feel my support, even if they inhabit the gray world of in-between...
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Myluck,
I'll jump on the advice train w my usual offering. ...
I quit at 50...health reasons too...
The best first step is wanting to quit...that is half the battle.
Understanding the science of our addiction..imo got me in the analytical mind set.
Booze alters our brain. It damages our dopemine producers.
We then need booze to have fun, feel good etc. This is attached to our emotional mind.
It becomes a battle of analysis vs emotions. Left and right brain stuff.
That is why I felt like I was going mad at 90 days clean. That is why so many relapse over and over.
It takes a long time for our bodies to get used to normal again. The crave for booze lasts forever. Physically we get clean in about a month. Then we begin healing.
As sober days add up, we develop a sober lifestyle. The key is filling our waking hours w sober activities.
A sober plan.
Thanks for the post. Trying to help others is good for our brains.
Stay clean. It gets better by the moment.
I'll jump on the advice train w my usual offering. ...
I quit at 50...health reasons too...
The best first step is wanting to quit...that is half the battle.
Understanding the science of our addiction..imo got me in the analytical mind set.
Booze alters our brain. It damages our dopemine producers.
We then need booze to have fun, feel good etc. This is attached to our emotional mind.
It becomes a battle of analysis vs emotions. Left and right brain stuff.
That is why I felt like I was going mad at 90 days clean. That is why so many relapse over and over.
It takes a long time for our bodies to get used to normal again. The crave for booze lasts forever. Physically we get clean in about a month. Then we begin healing.
As sober days add up, we develop a sober lifestyle. The key is filling our waking hours w sober activities.
A sober plan.
Thanks for the post. Trying to help others is good for our brains.
Stay clean. It gets better by the moment.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by myluckyday 
Looking forward it's so hard to see that anything will be worth doing if I can't include a cocktail with it or at least at the end of the day. I can't imagine my life without it. It scares me.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: CA
Posts: 1,060
The goal is to be sober and happy. Obviously drinking hasn't brought you happiness or you wouldn't be here. You have taken action to get sober by reaching out to others. You've come to a very good place to start your journey toward recovery (sober and Happy). I failed at many attempts until I surrendered to the fact I couldn't control my drinking. I lost the obsession to drink instantly. I personally have to remind myself that I can never drink again or I will.
Good luck and keep coming back we are all here to help. And us helping you is actually you helping us to stay sober.
Good luck and keep coming back we are all here to help. And us helping you is actually you helping us to stay sober.
orangutan
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 5,970
Originally Posted by canguy
Dunno about you myluckyday, but I found the demons that came out at 4 usually snuck back in their box by about 6ish. If I could get through that couple of hours I was ok for the day
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
It's really best to not think of 'forever' at the outset of your sobriety. It can e just too daunting. Take it day to day and try to stay focused on the moment. And, as others have said, take note of the hardest time of the day for you, and make a plan to be doing something different at that time.
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