viola71

I have always made valentine's day a big deal for the family. I cooked, decorated, cleaned. Made little gift baskets for my kids and spouse. Today I spent with my therapist in an emergency appt. because I kicked out my AH, I am worried about my daughter based on our long talk last night. I truly believe my AH is sick and I was begging the therapist to work my daughter
r in to talk. Well she did and now she has an appointment this evening. So I just had the pleasure of telling my daughter that after the wonderful day of singing valentines at school she gets to go to therapy. She is very annoyed and doesn't want to go. I get to be the bad guy and force her because its good for her. He already wrecked the family and I was going to try and salvage the day, but he wrecked that too. I thought I had moved past the anger but yay special gift for me. I assume this is the beginning of being blindsided by feelings on a regular basis. UUUGGGHHHH

PhoenixJ

Addiction sucks. You cannot control others- only you. Anger does no good if you do not turn it around. Talk to your therapist about it. You made the appointment- and are blaming your AH. I can understand that however was he involved with making the app't for this day? I empathise. All I am pointing out is you control what you do. Support to you.

NewRomanMan

You get to be the bad guy and force her because it's good for her.
Really? Even blindsiding her when she was probably having a pretty good day for the most part?
Never once in my entire life did I ever get anything out of something I was forced to do. Resentment is not conducive to cooperation, open mindedness or learning.
But that's just me.

hearthealth

Hi Viola, I tend to agree. You may not want my opinion. Just because you wanted therapy today doesn't mean it had to be done today. Did it? The child may just want serenity and hugs with mother today, and let dad issues and blaming wait until tomarrow.

viola71

While I appreciate the message. I am entitled to my anger. The therapists who knows whats going on with my family has a 2 month waiting list to get and and when I asked today if there was anyway she could work her in as soon as she was available I did not expect that tonight was my only option but it was. I have a 17 year old who has been crying nonstop saying that she "wrecked" our family and saying that the disease took a piece of her she will never get back I feel compelled to get her help! I am blindsided by my anger today. I have worked for 3 years to get myself healthy, I am entitled to be upset that AH disease has caused a thousand hurts I didn't even know existed. Just trying to vent.....

LexieCat

I don't think there's any reason to assume that. Yes, it will happen once in a while. Yes, it is reasonable for you to be upset today. The thing is, your daughter is 17, and that's when emotions run high, even without family drama. Things WILL settle down.

I think when we "assume" everything is going south, it affects our outlook and attitude so it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

So be mad, take care of your kiddo tonight, and know that tomorrow will be a new day.

Hugs,

maia1234

V,
I am sorry that you had a really crappy Valentines Day. You are entitled to vent here and good for you. That is what we are here for. Scream, yell, get angry and cry. Its ok. We do the best we can under the situation we are in.

Move forward tomorrow. Hopefully your 17 year old would have calmed down. Life is tough for everyone involved. Its part of the family disease of alcoholism.

Hugs my friend... deep breaths and the serenity prayer. It helps me all the time.

FireSprite

I would've worked hard to get DD an emergency appt under those circumstances too, viola, no matter what the date on the calendar said.

How did it go?

NYCDoglvr

The more I try to let go of expectations the happier I am. Of course it can be harder on the holidays when there's a subconscious belief I'll feel happy because it's a specific day.

viola71

The appointment was just what we needed. My daughter has been hiding out in her bedroom for months and after that appointment she is reengaging in life. I need to learn to trust my gut it was right on. During the appointment I didn't expect to be included but I was and I sat there hearing and validating my failure in protecting her and I think that rebuilt some trust. Thanks for the support.

LexieCat

Big YAY for you and daughter (and therapist)! Great job, mom!

FeelingGreat

sometimes we have to take a punt on helping our children, even if they don't like it at the time. Like the contraception talk.....I copped attitude from both of mine, but I explained that as their mother it was part of my 'job'.

I think teens get that - it makes it less about you deliberately annoying them as just doing your duty by them as a good parent.

hopeful4

Good for you, and for your DD! I have a 17 year old that is going through some things. It's a hard line to walk to know what to do next, and I commend you for trusting your gut and taking her.

I even have the same attitude about counseling myself. I never want to go, but when I do, I am always glad I did.

Hugs to both you and your DD!