Valentines Day
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 392
Valentines Day
Sorry for the many threads today. I'm alternating between despair and feeling ready to take on the world. A steady state somewhere in between would be nice.
Nine years ago, on Valentines Day, I got engaged. I was happy and hopeful of a bright future. Anything was possible.
That marriage died a fiery death 3 years ago. Cheated on and betrayed many times. Fell into a deep pit of depression and loneliness and foolishly turned to alcohol to soothe my grief and anger. For the past 3 years I've done my best to block it all out by drinking.
Today, right now, I'm drawing a line in the sand. Enough is enough. I am enough.
My valentines gift to myself this year is sobriety. So that this time next year, Valentines Day becomes a day of celebration rather than a day of grief and disappointment.
Happy Valentines Day self. I love you and you are worth saving.
Nine years ago, on Valentines Day, I got engaged. I was happy and hopeful of a bright future. Anything was possible.
That marriage died a fiery death 3 years ago. Cheated on and betrayed many times. Fell into a deep pit of depression and loneliness and foolishly turned to alcohol to soothe my grief and anger. For the past 3 years I've done my best to block it all out by drinking.
Today, right now, I'm drawing a line in the sand. Enough is enough. I am enough.
My valentines gift to myself this year is sobriety. So that this time next year, Valentines Day becomes a day of celebration rather than a day of grief and disappointment.
Happy Valentines Day self. I love you and you are worth saving.
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,669
Hello again, none. I have been going on about V-day. The past is gone. The future has not happened yet. I can not change the past. I cannot predict the future. All I have is this moment. For me- this moment is always the only moment. The only conscious constant- now. So I focus on now. I have lots of memories and feelings. The only person I can control is me. Good for you Keep posting. (yay for us). PJ
All is Change
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,284
...'alternating between despair and feeling ready to take on the world. A steady state somewhere in between would be nice.'...
Interestingly the most effective way to still this swinging pendulum is to not push it. For example don't feed it, don't push it.
Just accept it.
Accept equanimously the state of the pendulum and act normal. Be aware of it and get on with doing what has to be done.
Say "Aha, at the moment there is despair within me. Let me see how long this lasts" or "at the moment there is a high, let me see how long this lasts".
Have faith that the whatever will pass. In time there is balance. This is mindfulness.
While Aware, while waiting for whatever to pass, do something sane like go to AA, wash some dishes or go for a walk.
Interestingly the most effective way to still this swinging pendulum is to not push it. For example don't feed it, don't push it.
Just accept it.
Accept equanimously the state of the pendulum and act normal. Be aware of it and get on with doing what has to be done.
Say "Aha, at the moment there is despair within me. Let me see how long this lasts" or "at the moment there is a high, let me see how long this lasts".
Have faith that the whatever will pass. In time there is balance. This is mindfulness.
While Aware, while waiting for whatever to pass, do something sane like go to AA, wash some dishes or go for a walk.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
You know, another way to look at this is that your broken relationship filled you with sadness and resentment and hopelessness (maybe even released some codependent traits i.e. thinking that your worth is defined by your ex partners actions, and if he treated you a certain way that was what you deserve / deserved).
And why then did drinking get worse then? Well. As much of a ****-bag as he might be, I don't suppose he caused your alcoholism. What caused you to drink on it was alcoholic thinking. Wanting to opt out of all those awful feelings, going for the short term relief rather than sitting with the pain and aiming for the longer term solution.
Once we recognise that the problem is our own alcoholic thinking, and the fact that we slapped a big fat lie on the alcohol bottle that says 'Solution ', then we're more likely to change that label for one that says 'Problem' and look for other ways to learn to sit with our feelings and find the strength to deal with life's ups and downs.
And yes. I DO know that is easier said than done. I know because I did it, and I remember how hard it was. But I also know that it was the most worthwhile thing I ever did in my life.
It won't be easy, but it will be worth it.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB
And why then did drinking get worse then? Well. As much of a ****-bag as he might be, I don't suppose he caused your alcoholism. What caused you to drink on it was alcoholic thinking. Wanting to opt out of all those awful feelings, going for the short term relief rather than sitting with the pain and aiming for the longer term solution.
Once we recognise that the problem is our own alcoholic thinking, and the fact that we slapped a big fat lie on the alcohol bottle that says 'Solution ', then we're more likely to change that label for one that says 'Problem' and look for other ways to learn to sit with our feelings and find the strength to deal with life's ups and downs.
And yes. I DO know that is easier said than done. I know because I did it, and I remember how hard it was. But I also know that it was the most worthwhile thing I ever did in my life.
It won't be easy, but it will be worth it.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB
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