JessicaNAJ

I had a talk with my AH yesterday. I was not in a very good mood in the first place because some neighborhood cats kept taking my 2 year old’s hot dogs out of her hands. Anyway, I ask him how he could just let his family slip through his fingers? – he said he’s been asking himself that same question. Then I told him that the grains of sand were almost gone and I didn’t want to be married to this lifestyle. He responded by saying, “I know.”

I don’t think I should have said anything. I don’t want him to sober up because of anything I say. I want it to be his choice. I feel like now that I said that to him – it might have scared him into sobering up.

It’s not all about his drinking anymore either. He’s got himself into soooo much debt. I’m not taking responsibility for any of it. I refuse to do that - even if he does sober up. He got himself into it, he can get himself out.

Any thoughts??

Peaches04

Hi Jessica...I can relate. I think sometimes we do have to say something..otherwise it just eats us up inside. I'm going through the same th ing right now..do I say something, or not. I think part of being true to ourselves, is being honest. So many years, I never said a word until I erupted like a lunatic. Had I just been honest years ago, I would not be where I am now. But, I'm learning. Don't be hard on yourself for saying something...it may have been time. And I don't think you were scaring him into quitting drinking..you were just stating your mind, and that's legal, I think? Would it be more fair to one day just say "enough, bye!" out of the blue? And I ask that sincerely, because I don't know anymore. You take care of yourself... you deserve it. We've got one shot at this life...

ChillGal

Jessica
This is how I used to feel. Then one day I reached the point where I didn't want to yell and scream anymore, nor did I want to live this way. I told my AH that I wasn't going to and he could do as he wanted but I wasn't living this way anymore. Sometimes I think they know when you have reached that point. If you are not going to be there to pick up the pieces, cover for him etc. etc. will he do it on his own? You never know. When I reached that point I think my AH knew it. That is when he started going to AA. Not saying that is what will happen just what happened to me. You did nothing wrong. If a little push starts him on recovery, it won't keep him there unless he wants to be ther. Good luck.

JessicaNAJ

You're right Peaches - we have one shot at this life and I intend to make the best of it.

ChillGal - your right, nothing will keep him no the road to recovery unless he wants it - thanks for the reminder.

I tend to be a little hard on myself, but I think that is what is causing me to push myself to be stronger. I don't want to fall back into the same CoDe pattern.