Family does not really like new clean me
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 1
Family does not really like new clean me
Ok So im 35 years old and was prescribed oxycontin and Percocet for over 13 years for my back all stemming from a car wreck in college. Long story short I was in a pain clinic (never had any issues) realized I was using these meds more frequently then I should have been and I was getting very tired of the cycle of needing meds, getting meds at pharmacy, doc appts, pee tests, worrying about having enough meds, etc. So a 5 months ago I quit all my meds cold turkey went through horrible withdrawal but now feel better then I have ever in my life.
Now the problem is when my mom came out to visit me and my daughter she said to me you seem different and it doesn't feel like we are as close as we once were. Has anyone else encountered this? Fyi my husband is very supportive but is active duty and gone a lot so it's just my daughter and I.
It seemed to me like she almost didn't know what to do with the new more focused me and my new life and outlook on things. As if I wasn't paying enough attention to her now that I was clean. Its frustrating because she says she is happy for me and that she thinks I'm awesome but then she makes those type of remarks. I mean obviously I am not the same person I was when I was in a fog all the time....seriously though how can I help her understand I'm not the same person I was before??
Now the problem is when my mom came out to visit me and my daughter she said to me you seem different and it doesn't feel like we are as close as we once were. Has anyone else encountered this? Fyi my husband is very supportive but is active duty and gone a lot so it's just my daughter and I.
It seemed to me like she almost didn't know what to do with the new more focused me and my new life and outlook on things. As if I wasn't paying enough attention to her now that I was clean. Its frustrating because she says she is happy for me and that she thinks I'm awesome but then she makes those type of remarks. I mean obviously I am not the same person I was when I was in a fog all the time....seriously though how can I help her understand I'm not the same person I was before??
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Yep..ALL of my drinking buddies,enablers,money leaches,ect..HATED me getting sober. The 'well' had ran dry so,had I! You actually see who is there for the right reasons,ect.. Not saying your mom is out to get you,but she's also getting to know you sober now..Just be yourself and do you..
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 3,597
All relationships can be renegotiated at any time. You have renegotiated (for the better). The people in your lives can accept your new terms or they can get left behind. The choice is theirs, but you can't let them drag you back down.
As an aside, I've seen the same thing when one person in a group loses significant weight. The others either consciously or subconsciously try to sabotage their friend. "want some cake? You're looking pale. You need to eat something," and so forth.
As an aside, I've seen the same thing when one person in a group loses significant weight. The others either consciously or subconsciously try to sabotage their friend. "want some cake? You're looking pale. You need to eat something," and so forth.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
It's more like she doesn't understand rather than doesn't like you. We all have roles within our families built up over time, whether good or bad. When we change ourselves fundamentally for better or worse it changes the dynamics of our role within the family.
You're doing great! It just takes time for others to adjust and get used to the new us. But that is their responsibility, not ours. Ours is just to keep working on our sobriety.
You're doing great! It just takes time for others to adjust and get used to the new us. But that is their responsibility, not ours. Ours is just to keep working on our sobriety.
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Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: the real world
Posts: 166
Congrats on dumping the pain-killers!
My family lived in another state than I did and I usually only got to go visit once a year. So when I got into AA and got sober in between visits, there was a pretty big contrast. They were proud of me, but I was a very different person.
For me, the change had been gradual, but for them, it was sudden and a bit of a shock. [Does that make sense?] They just needed a bit of time to get to know the new me.
My family lived in another state than I did and I usually only got to go visit once a year. So when I got into AA and got sober in between visits, there was a pretty big contrast. They were proud of me, but I was a very different person.
For me, the change had been gradual, but for them, it was sudden and a bit of a shock. [Does that make sense?] They just needed a bit of time to get to know the new me.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Squeeks, congrats on getting off the meds!
I'm with Leonidas on this one.
Stop for a moment and ponder. How were you prior to getting off the meds? Did you call and talk to your mom on the phone all the time? What is different? Talk to her. Does she know what you've been through? Sirens go off for us moms when anything is out of the ordinary.
Call her and talk to her.
I'm with Leonidas on this one.
Stop for a moment and ponder. How were you prior to getting off the meds? Did you call and talk to your mom on the phone all the time? What is different? Talk to her. Does she know what you've been through? Sirens go off for us moms when anything is out of the ordinary.
Call her and talk to her.
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