sweetichick

I feel useless and hopeless. My ex is constantly setting me off. The days I don't see him are easy to get through without drinking. I have 3 hours to go till AA is on but don't think I can last. I'm so depressed I don't even feel like going to a meeting. Please help.

SweatyHands

There are so many things that you can do in a situation like this.

First, can you find something to occupy your mind and distract yourself from your AV? Things like reading, working on a puzzle, light house cleaning, rearranging furniture, these all pull me into the project and get me away from the cravings. When I was in rehab, my wife used to come and play cards with me, and it tended to lower my blood pressure and calm me down.

Second, is there somewhere safe you can go to on the way to your meeting? Or, is there someone from AA that you can talk with before the meeting starts?

Third, what strategies can you think of that might keep you from getting to this point of struggling with the voice?

You can do it. Just keep working at it, and finding new ways to prevent that voice from getting too loud.

pikledboodah

Three hours isn't so bad. Go outside for a walk (not past any pubs). If its chilly all the better. When you get home make a cup of tea, take a shower and before you know it it's meeting time.

Its something you can do - Ignore the AV and treat yourself better.

You've got this.

Grymt

Sometimes I think of something that I really don't want to do but needs doing at some point and start on it. For example for me I've got boxes of stuff that need sorting. I get a box out and open it. That's enough to start with. Then I might take something out and put it down. One little bit at a time. etc. take breaks for a cuppa or a post. etc etc...Similarly clean out a cupboard or water the plants.

The point for me is that if I'm going to do something I don't want to do it might as well be something worth doing. It's a way of working good habits in to replace ones that don't work like getting pissed.

MsCooterBrown

Hope you find a way around this nagging desire. I still use my last hangover to kill any idea that I want to drink again. I agree with SweatyHands....only so many relapses are in the cards...Some people never make it back to try again. I think it helps if you can sit down and write out diversions that you can use if a craving does come up. Also...if you remain calm it will make your ex insane. He knows what buttons to push to set you off and apparently still uses them. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction. Stay sweet and calm. Thinking of you sweetichick. You got this!

sweetichick

My ex tried to rip me off by $1200 today. He talks to me like a dog and treats me worse. He lives across the street from me and I can't move because my parents own half the house.. H e normally turns up at 3 everyday. All I can think of is to be out at that time everyday to stop him setting me off. I already threatened him with a DVO.

Dee74

Son;t let your ex win - everything you drink again you're just making it easier for this guy to dominate you and dictate the terms of your relationship, sweetichick. You need to kick him to the kerb and the only way to find the strength and commitment to do that is stay sober.

sweetichick

I am letting him win. One of his 4 ex wives drank herself to death. He used to buy her grog and take her out to pubs. She had no will probably too scared he would kill her so he ended up with nothing. I can't let him do to me what he did to her.

Grymt

What about timeout/respite at a Womens shelter. Plenty of good people to talk with and work out a way.

sweetichick

Good idea. I have thought of that before and done that with my last ex. Maybe it's my only option.

Grymt

Ok, an hour to go till meeting. Well done.

sweetichick

Thanks

Grymt

You're Welcome.

Jojay

Hi Sweetichick,good to see u posting on here again.Some good sound advice for you already.Your ex sounds like an ***-hole for sure.Get yourself to the meeting though.Take care and keep posting

Trees39

Very proud of you sweetchick. You are an inspiration. Keep sane and sober

ReadyAtLast

He doesn't control you. You control yourself. Ignore him when he calls round. If he threatens you call the police. Don't interact with him or give him the satisfaction of answering him. He will soon get bored.he will only talk to you badly and treat you badly as long as you continue to allow him to.

Mentium

This is the ex who charged you interest on a loan if my memory serves me, right?

Hope you made it to your AA meeting. In the longer term seems to me you really need to be free of this guy for good. Sorry if that is stating the obvious.

sweetichick

Thanks for the encouragement jojay

sweetichick

I finally found the strength to stand up to my ex. I have stopped him coming in my house at all. He tried twice today. The first time he just abused me. The second he dribbled shift at me through the door. Problem is I'm drinking over this. I'm literally sitting here terrified he will show up again. Too scared to move in my own house. The wine hasn't really taken effect yet.

Dee74

Sweetichick - please stop.

You need to keep your wits about you, for one - and secondly it's even more dangerous than normal to drink in the current heatwave conditions.

I know you have friends who are supportive of you not drinking - why not ring them for help?

D