Pete6256

Hi,

This is my first time on here, if anyone has any advice it would be greatly appreciated. I'm a male, early 30's, living in a major city, with a good job and no dependants. I don't know if any of that's relevant, but I thought I would share.

I've been a heavy drinker for a number of years, probably since I was about 18 and I am pretty sure I have a serious problem with alcohol. Over maybe the last 5 years, my life has been pretty much reduced to a countdown to the next time I get wasted. I seem to be trapped in a depressingly rigid routine of finishing work on Friday, going out and getting absolutely wasted for the entire weekend, then dragging my body out of bed on Monday morning for work again. I honestly cannot remember the last time I had a weekend or a day off where I didn't wake up with a hangover and when i didn't spend the day drinking. I don't even really enjoy it anymore, it's just become such an ingrained part of my life that I can't even imagine doing anything else. I am constantly waking up on a Saturday and Sunday mornings with "the fear". By which I mean I'm missing a part of my memory from the night before, and I feel the waves of embarrassment like a bucket of cold water over my head when I think about what might have happened.

My father was an alcoholic and he died because of it, so I feel like I need to keep my issues with alcohol under wraps (especially from my mother who doesn't live close by) because it would break her heart if she knew. So I find my myself lying constantly to friends, family, work colleagues, doctors etc about how much I've been drinking to try and make myself appear more 'normal'.

Sorry for the essay, but there is so much I feel I want to say. I would greatly appreciate it if you can recommend how a complete newbie can start? I'm not really sure I am comfortable with going to an AA group or anything like that, but I am certainly open to any suggestions people have?

Thanks for reading.

SoberLeigh

Welcome to SR, Pete; very glad that you found this wonderfully supportive, encouraging and understanding place.

The best advice that I can give is to formulate a Plan for sobriety.

I will post a link to a great SR thread regarding the importance of a Plan.

SoberLeigh

As promised:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...highlight=psst

Unwound

From what you describe it rounds like yes, you have a problem, fortunately this is a good place for people with this problem to get good help and advice. Have you tried quitting or plan to quit? For me it was only when I did quit it really became apparent how much of a problem I really had and how little "in control" I was.

Welcome and I hope you find what you need.

Pete6256

Thanks Soberleigh, I appreciate it.

Pete6256

Thanks unwound.

I haven't really thought about a plan as such, I guess I need to figure out how to make one.

canguy

Pete.....do something now. If you are hiding drinking, then, yes, you have a problem.

Like you I find the idea of AA hard. There are alternatives

It will get worse.....next stage for you is drinking during the week if you aren't already. Then the job goes and you have days to fill. On and down it goes

You can pull out of this now......its a chance.
Grab it.

least

Welcome to the family Pete! You'll find lots of support here. I hope you can use our support to help you get sober for good.

Algorithm

I believe that you already know the solution to your dilemma, which is to never drink again. What you are probably wondering is just how to do that, while still maintaining your privacy.

I recommend AVRT, which is the method of Rational Recovery, and which does not make use of or require any face-to-face groups, and our Secular Connections forum. There is some excellent discussion of AVRT in that sub-forum.

Gottalife

I can relate. There was a time when I was vaguely aware something was amiss, I still had a job, a girlfriend and somewhere to live. I wasn't bad enough or old enough for AA, and I was not at all comfortable with the idea.

There were two problems with that. First I had no experience of AA so how could I know? The second, to quote a professor of psychiatry and long time alcohol researcher, "AA is the most successful self help program for anything, ever, in the history of the world." Heck, it might actually work and I was not ready for that.

A year or two later my perspective had changed. The job, the girlfriend, the friends, the family, the home, the car, had all gone, and the doc was talking six months to live. I was a little less picky at that point.

MsCooterBrown

Pete....I am the female version of you. I decided not to do AA. I live in a small community and I know the "confidentiality" level here. I started with drinking weekends..then started meeting up with drinking buddies after work pretty much daily. I get waking up with "the fear" it is dread and anxiety. I have had a time when the doorbell rang...I go to the door...they say "you ready" I reply "sure let my grab my coat"...and I have NO IDEA where we are headed. Apparently we planned it out while drunk. Ridiculous. You know all the stories..saying inappropriate things. Making an ass out of myself...THEN I did an early retirement at work. EVEN MORE DRINKING TIME NOW! So enough was enough when I started entering the blackout stages...I had been on this support site in 2010 ...quit drinking for quite awhile. Gradually working my way back into it so I am back. I post daily. I read blogs and there are all kinds of areas to click on for whatever support you may need. I also ready books on alcoholism including biographies of people that have come out clean on the other side. I stay busy. The key is to find something else to do that fills in the time you usually drink. I am no expert that is for sure. Just sharing my way of coping with this dilemma I find myself in once again. AND this will be the last time. The Black Out Stage scared the hell out of me...You shouldn't have to read your phone (texts and oh GOD who did I call drunk) to figure out who you talked to and where you went. I wish you well. Hope you stay with us. Take care.

This is my latest report...I have been drinking off and on since the age of 13.

Pete6256

Thanks for taking the time to reply mscooter, I could really relate to your post a lot. I have annoyed so many of my friends and family by completely forgetting about plans we have arranged that I have no memory at all of.

I think the thing that worries me most is the boredom. Actually finding things to fill my time that don't revolve around alcohol is going to be really tough I think.

MsCooterBrown

I can tell you what I have been doing. BUT it could be a big yawn for you! The weather is horrid here but spring is around the corner. I do lots of walking in our park. I find owls. You have to really look but there are all kinds of species that hang out there. They are hidden. I get really excited when I see them. I think they bring luck. I also mentioned I read. Read all the self help books out there because someone always has an angle I didn't think of. I try out new recipes because once you quit drinking to black out stage...you will find you do in fact need to eat. What a concept. I HATE shopping. Not a mall person but I do like unusual shops. I am thinking of taking up flying lessons. They are not horribly expensive but I have to get over being ch!ckensh!#. What a rush that would be. I have thought about skydiving. Not to bad of a cost when you do a one time tandem jump. And...I think one time would do it for me! Make a list ...you have to be creative. Also what helped is I divided my paper into two columns by folding it down the center. On the left I wrote down all the pros of drinking and what is there to miss. On the right I wrote down all the cons. I was shocked at the cons. I think we know it...but to see them written out is shocking. WHY ARE WE DRINKING! Damn addiction. Each time I get a fleeting thought (they are getting less) I look at my list. I also remember the worst brain damaged hangover I had and the craving is gone. I hope this helps! It is such a miserable place when you are trying to figure out how to stop. Take care!

Pete6256

Hey mscooter. I live in Canada so I can definitely relate about the weather!

I might try that list thing you suggested, that sounds like quite a good idea. I could put it up in my kitchen so it'll always be in my field of vision.

gettingsmarter

Hi Pete

When I first though that I might have a little bit of a problem was when I found out that it was a much larger problem then I ever imagined.

This is a great place. Read as much as you can.

Delilah1

Hi Pete,

Welcome to SR!! You will find lots of support on here. The link Leigh posted about making a plan is a good one. I was not a weekend bringer, I drank equally every night, not to black out (though I had several black out nights when I was younger) but enough to make me less attentive to my family, friends, work...

I tried moderating my drinking, and it didn't work. Trying to measure out and track how many drinks I had was exhaustin, and I would bargain with myself: there isn't much left in the bottle I'll just finish it, I'll have another glass tonight, and none tomorrow, that was of course until tomorrow.

I finally had enough, and I've been sober since January 1, 2016. I found that it was really important to plan alternate actitivies in the evenings, I went to the gym, for walks, read, planned things with my kids... anything but drink. You are still young, I was 45 when I finally stopped. Maybe you can join a running group, book club, sign up for a class, learn photography, art, guitar. Anything to change your normal habits. I found the psychological addiction much more difficult than the physical one.

You can do this!

Brauggi

Pete, you sound so much like me a few years ago. I started to identify that I might have a problem with drinking at the age of 30, started trying to address it, got it temporarily under control for a few months, and then I started to drink insane quantities and nearly permanently destroyed my health and the relationships that mean something to me.

I too suffered from frequent weekend blackouts and the fallout of embarrassing things that I had no recollection of. I can tell you, if you blackout often you most definitely have a drinking problem! I tried unsuccessfully to control something that was impossible to control for way too long and finally told myself enough was enough. It is hard at first, and you definitely need some kind of program and alternative activities to pursue, but quitting is probably one of the best decisions I ever made. I no longer forget my weekends and have way more fun than I ever did while drunk (not to mention I don't have to worry about the puking and loss of bodily functions that would happen while drunk). Good luck to you and welcome!

Hevyn

Hi Pete. It's so good to have you join us.

I knew in my 30's that I didn't drink like others. If I had paid attention to the warning signs (the way you are) my entire life would have been so different. I kept going with it - trying to use willpower to control it - and in the end I was drinking all day. My dependency destroyed my life and caused me years of misery as I tried to pick up the pieces. This won't happen to you. Congratulations for making this decision - you'll be saving your life, your health, your sanity.

Zebra1275

Welcome to SR!

This website is a great place to start your sober journey. I didn't really try to quit until my mid 40's and I can tell you that alcoholism is progressive and the physical effects get worse with each passing year.

Don't be afraid to try AA if you have difficulty getting, and staying sober. I blew it off for a number of years (partly because my dad went) and probably delayed my recovery all those years. I'm not a die hard AA person, but I found the face to face support important in early recovery.

Dee74

Sounds to me like you're in the right place Pete - welcome

D