Notices

My 100th day 1

Old 02-04-2017, 06:19 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Australia
Posts: 46
My 100th day 1

Well, I'm sitting at my kitchen table after another committed night of self-medicating my emotions with booze, I wallow like a disorientated pig stuck in a thick mud of self-loathing & loneliness & it feels bloody horrible. If I make it outside and into the public eye I can expect to confronted with waves of anxiety and self-conscious paranoia, eventuating in a cold sweat and in me retreating back to the safety of my house in a mild panic, to isolate further. This is where my drinking takes me - every damn time.

I've gotten sober before; one month, two months, even three months, but eventually the reality of why I stopped becomes faint enough so that I can justify implementing a 'moderation approach' of some form. The moderation approach inevitably becomes daily drinking within a matter of weeks and I quickly spiral down to where I am right now. Overweight, depressed and a generally unhappy individual. Hah, oh the fruits of drinking!!

Anyway, I was intending to take my dog out for an early walk through the park because it's hitting the high 30's here today and it'll be too hot to walk her properly later, but guess who was selfishly sleeping off a hangover instead?! So now I'm a bad dog owner - on top of everything else; note rising guilt and shame.

Well, I think I've accomplished what I wanted to with this rambling post and made it pretty clear to myself that I must stop this drinking business for good if I want to live decent life (and have a dog that doesn't resent me due to lack of walkies).

I'm going to do my best to make sobriety stick this time, I really would appreciate some peace of mind back.
healthychoices is offline  
Old 02-04-2017, 06:27 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
PhoenixJ's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,517
Welcome.
PhoenixJ is offline  
Old 02-04-2017, 06:46 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,058
Hi and welcome healthy choices

eventually I had to accept no amount of 'time off' was going to fix me or allow me to go back to drinking in some kind of normal way.

I don't drink normally and I never did. I drank to get fall down drunk,

Accepting that helped turn my focus from thinking in terms of a temporary break to a permanent change.

this community gave me a lot of support in that process and re reading my posts & others helped me remember that things were really 'that bad'.

SR helped me - I know we can help you too

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 02-04-2017, 07:00 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 354
Welcome Healthychoices. X
Kimmy2002 is offline  
Old 02-04-2017, 07:08 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
bona fido dog-lover
 
least's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,673
Welcome to the family. One of my favorite things about living sober is the good care I give my dogs and cats. I was sloppy when I was drinking and they didn't get the walks they needed or meals on time.

I feel so much better about myself being a good critter-mom.

SR has helped me stay sober over seven years now. I hope we can do the same for you.
least is offline  
Old 02-04-2017, 07:14 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Sober Alcoholic
 
awuh1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Step Two. “Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”

Might be time to do it differently healthychoices
awuh1 is offline  
Old 02-04-2017, 07:20 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
tomls's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Out in the Stix of Southern Indiana
Posts: 2,784
Welcome! Try checking in on the 24 hour thread every morning.Good luck. There is a ton of great people here on SR!
tomls is offline  
Old 02-04-2017, 09:19 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Australia
Posts: 46
Thank you everyone for the welcomes, I'm grateful to be here and I can tell already I will be able to get some good support from others who understand the struggle!
healthychoices is offline  
Old 02-04-2017, 09:23 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
Delilah1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,021
Welcome to SR! You will find lots of support on here.
Delilah1 is offline  
Old 02-04-2017, 09:35 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Guest
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 928
Sounds all too familiar, like my story and many others. Welcome
bluedog97 is offline  
Old 02-04-2017, 10:58 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Australia
Posts: 46
Least

It will be nice to wake up early in the mornings and actually enjoy being able to take my beautiful dog for a walk rather than it being a pain. I feel like I've missed out on a lot of my girls puppy months due to be being drunk / hungover, but no more!

Also congratulations on the 7 years, that's inspiring and gives me hope for myself, I am open to ANY suggestions and guidance you may have for me, oh sober one!

Dee

I hear you, time for that permanent change thinking to come into play for me, there have been way too many 'I'll stop for a WHILE's' in my life. I have kept the same old unhealthy coping mechanisms and habits (drink and avoid) and expected my life to improve, but without long term sobriety my life will continue this painful OLD boozy dance which I am completely over.

awuh1

Yes, time for a big shift in behaviors for me, things must change or I'll be old and grey and wonder where my best years went and that would be sad.
healthychoices is offline  
Old 02-04-2017, 11:04 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 66
I found dog walking a great way to get out of my head and into the moment. Dogs give such unconditional love and it's great to be able to walk them, give some love in return and just share the time with them.
When I've been struggling with my alcoholic mind I found a dog walk a good way to just check out of crazy town for a little while.
hodor is offline  
Old 02-05-2017, 12:50 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Australia
Posts: 46
Originally Posted by hodor View Post
I found dog walking a great way to get out of my head and into the moment. Dogs give such unconditional love and it's great to be able to walk them, give some love in return and just share the time with them.
When I've been struggling with my alcoholic mind I found a dog walk a good way to just check out of crazy town for a little while.

Definitely is! I love just watching my dog play and be a dog and do doggy stuff, being surrounded by trees, grass and nature helps settle me as well I think, that healing energy of just being in nature.
healthychoices is offline  
Old 02-05-2017, 01:33 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 1,095
Originally Posted by healthychoices View Post
Well, I'm sitting at my kitchen table after another committed night of self-medicating my emotions with booze, I wallow like a disorientated pig stuck in a thick mud of self-loathing & loneliness & it feels bloody horrible. If I make it outside and into the public eye I can expect to confronted with waves of anxiety and self-conscious paranoia, eventuating in a cold sweat and in me retreating back to the safety of my house in a mild panic, to isolate further. This is where my drinking takes me - every damn time.
I remember feeling like this and not knowing how to change.

I would tell myself in the morning "today I am not drinking" and the next thing I knew I was at the store buying liquor.

It was as if my body was doing it even though my mind said no. Next thing I knew it I was drunk again and hating myself.

This pattern occurred everyday for 27 years. How my body is still functioning is a miracle.
Doug39 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:33 AM.