The decision
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
The decision
I am probably way out of my lane here, but I wanted to comment on the decision to quit drinking. Lately it appears there has been a significant number of posts regarding relapse or newcomers. It is my experience (and that of others) that quitting drinking is comparable to deciding to get married, having kids, choosing a major at college, buying a home, getting a vasectomy, adopting a child, starting a business, going on anti depressants etc.... It is a HUGE decision. A life changing decision. Your life will not be the same. It will (or should) be infinitely better, but it will not be the same life you had. Thinking that you will be able to continue to hang out at bonfires until the wee hours or be on a pontoon for 10 hours and everything is identical with the exception of not drinking is not a realistic outlook. Some (or many) may disagree, but I wanted to put it out there.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 1,462
Thomas,
I agree 100%. Sobriety demands significant life changes in my opinion. I can't do the things I used to do and not drink. I have after some sober time been able to attend some things that involved drinking but it's not that much fun. In hindsight , during my drinking days, I developed a way of life and did things so I could drink.
I agree 100%. Sobriety demands significant life changes in my opinion. I can't do the things I used to do and not drink. I have after some sober time been able to attend some things that involved drinking but it's not that much fun. In hindsight , during my drinking days, I developed a way of life and did things so I could drink.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
I agree - I couldn't live my old life cos my old life was all about drinking.
Thats a scary change to look at - but it really will turn out ok
It is important to also mention that life is still fun - I still go out, I still have friends, I still have a good time, but the focus is not on getting as effed up as I can anymore
D
Thats a scary change to look at - but it really will turn out ok
It is important to also mention that life is still fun - I still go out, I still have friends, I still have a good time, but the focus is not on getting as effed up as I can anymore
D
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
I expect more and more people to quit boozing in the future.
The internet is making everything known.
The real issues w booze. If i was told at a young age that booze would cause mental issues all through my life...like heroin does...i am sure i would not ever have drank.
Thanks.
The internet is making everything known.
The real issues w booze. If i was told at a young age that booze would cause mental issues all through my life...like heroin does...i am sure i would not ever have drank.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 409
Agreed! I've had to change the things I do which has helped me stay sober. When my friends are going to a happy hour guess what... I don't go. When my family decided to go on their booze filled lake trip to a doctors cabin I said no. Those are small prices to pay for the beauty in staying sober. Doesn't mean you can't eventually attend but especially at the beginning it's not worth the risk and temptation
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
I understand the OP to an extent, but, let's be clear...bonfires and pontoon boats don't get a person drunk. Those things are fun. Just because many people use certain activities as an excuse to get completely turnt doesn't mean that alcohol is always inherently built into those activities for everyone.
Personally, it's more about who you choose to spend your time with. If a person has made the decision to quit, then hanging out with people who drink heavily just isn't fun anymore.
It's not a binary choice - either ballstothewall drunkeness or sitting at home knitting - there are many non drinking choices in between.
Personally, it's more about who you choose to spend your time with. If a person has made the decision to quit, then hanging out with people who drink heavily just isn't fun anymore.
It's not a binary choice - either ballstothewall drunkeness or sitting at home knitting - there are many non drinking choices in between.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,822
The decision
That is a great title for a thread, I like the way it pinpoints an action. Deciding to quit can be a point in time , it can be the turning point , the recognition that from that specific time forward life has changed permanently. Embrace the event believe in the power of making that deliberate decision and enjoy the freeedom you have given yourself , from that moment forward. You can make the choice that relapse is no longer an 'option'.
Purposely making alcohol the smallest possible thing in the world and by that only in the sense that it exists in the world , makes the world a bigger place , a more open place , a place to do whatever you will free of the chains of a booze controlled existence . You can shut the door on addiction and start on a new course by making that decision and simply refusing to look back.
Bonfires , pontooning and even knitting have their place , there is just absolutely no need for alcohol to have any place in them, we get to make that choice.
The addiction, the beast, will always miss ITs fix and will try and get you to miss too, but IT lies and you will not miss being drug around by ITs chains, there is just too much more to life than being a servant to the beast indulging ITs fix, paying with mind , body, and soul, for what?
Quit , make the choice, take your freedom, it's yours, you deserve it. It starts the second you make the decision, the only thing that says it can't be that way is the addiction trying to survive , IT lies, kill it , in a second. Mean it and you Can do it.
That is a great title for a thread, I like the way it pinpoints an action. Deciding to quit can be a point in time , it can be the turning point , the recognition that from that specific time forward life has changed permanently. Embrace the event believe in the power of making that deliberate decision and enjoy the freeedom you have given yourself , from that moment forward. You can make the choice that relapse is no longer an 'option'.
Purposely making alcohol the smallest possible thing in the world and by that only in the sense that it exists in the world , makes the world a bigger place , a more open place , a place to do whatever you will free of the chains of a booze controlled existence . You can shut the door on addiction and start on a new course by making that decision and simply refusing to look back.
Bonfires , pontooning and even knitting have their place , there is just absolutely no need for alcohol to have any place in them, we get to make that choice.
The addiction, the beast, will always miss ITs fix and will try and get you to miss too, but IT lies and you will not miss being drug around by ITs chains, there is just too much more to life than being a servant to the beast indulging ITs fix, paying with mind , body, and soul, for what?
Quit , make the choice, take your freedom, it's yours, you deserve it. It starts the second you make the decision, the only thing that says it can't be that way is the addiction trying to survive , IT lies, kill it , in a second. Mean it and you Can do it.
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Join Date: Dec 2016
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I know I'm a newbie here but isn't the current relapsing likely to be a natural seasonal phenomenon? Lotta people quit on 1st of Jan and gradually fade as the reality bites. I quit on 16th of December and a few people asked me why not wait till after Christmas? I knew I needed to do it right now and if I had delayed I would probably not have done it at all a drank myself to death instead, I didn't want quit, I had to. I think you do need that 100% commitment to stand a good chance and I still might not get there.
I don't think it's not necessarily due to the activities; in the same way rock music doesn't make you violent and video games don't turn you into an axe murderer: just that drunks are good at self deception and insincerity and staying sober is really hard.
I hope I get there, and am grateful to these boards for the help I get here.
I don't think it's not necessarily due to the activities; in the same way rock music doesn't make you violent and video games don't turn you into an axe murderer: just that drunks are good at self deception and insincerity and staying sober is really hard.
I hope I get there, and am grateful to these boards for the help I get here.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,822
Originally Posted by Unwound 
I know I'm a newbie here but isn't the current relapsing likely to be a natural seasonal phenomenon? Lotta people quit on 1st of Jan and gradually fade as the reality bites. I quit on 16th of December and a few people asked me why not wait till after Christmas? I knew I needed to do it right now and if I had delayed I would probably not have done it at all a drank myself to death instead, I didn't want quit, I had to. I think you do need that 100% commitment to stand a good chance and I still might not get there.
I don't think it's not necessarily due to the activities; in the same way rock music doesn't make you violent and video games don't turn you into an axe murderer: just that drunks are good at self deception and insincerity and staying sober is really hard.
I hope I get there, and am grateful to these boards for the help I get here.
I don't think it's not necessarily due to the activities; in the same way rock music doesn't make you violent and video games don't turn you into an axe murderer: just that drunks are good at self deception and insincerity and staying sober is really hard.
I hope I get there, and am grateful to these boards for the help I get here.
I found the perspective I gained from learning about the technique to be instrumental in giving me insight on how to handle wanting to vs having to. .
Congratulations on your decision, any doubt that you can stay quit or thoughts that you aren't 'there' yet is the AV , the voice of the beast(the addiction ) trying to shake your resolve , disregard those false thoughts, you can Do it, in fact you Are , congrats
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Saskatoon, SK
Posts: 80
Call me crazy then but I think I can do a lot of the same things I did before and stay sober, I have stayed up around a Bon fire when everyone was drinking, I have gone to bars with my friends, I drank pop.
The difference being is I've finally realized that alcohol has never done anything good for me, I've lost my license 3 times, broken my ankle and required surgery, and made a ass of myself more times than I could count, lately it's just like why the hell did I do it for so long, like something clicked in my head and I know I can't drink.
I'm on day 50 today and keep putting myself in those situations that alcohol is present, heck I got 5 beer sitting on the top shelf in my fridge that I see every time I open it, I have zero desire to drink them, I remember how much hurt I've caused my friends and family and I don't ever want to cause anymore.
Time will tell because as your description of Bon fires and 10 hours on a boat that's my life in a nutshell, I will keep you all posted, I do realize my life will be different but it doesn't have to be that different, all that has to happen is don't drink, it's a decision, I've tried to quit countless times, you know what the difference is this time? I actually want to quit.
The difference being is I've finally realized that alcohol has never done anything good for me, I've lost my license 3 times, broken my ankle and required surgery, and made a ass of myself more times than I could count, lately it's just like why the hell did I do it for so long, like something clicked in my head and I know I can't drink.
I'm on day 50 today and keep putting myself in those situations that alcohol is present, heck I got 5 beer sitting on the top shelf in my fridge that I see every time I open it, I have zero desire to drink them, I remember how much hurt I've caused my friends and family and I don't ever want to cause anymore.
Time will tell because as your description of Bon fires and 10 hours on a boat that's my life in a nutshell, I will keep you all posted, I do realize my life will be different but it doesn't have to be that different, all that has to happen is don't drink, it's a decision, I've tried to quit countless times, you know what the difference is this time? I actually want to quit.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
lol dwtbd...ballstothewall knitting.
"It's Friday night, Ima bout to get my knit on. Knittin' hard. Gonna knit like it's 1999, b*tches!"
I have nothing against knitting, btw...was just trying to think of an analogy related to an activity that is generally not perceived as drink-related. Idk, tho...there could be an entire culture of folks who work-hard-and-knit-hard that I don't know about.
"It's Friday night, Ima bout to get my knit on. Knittin' hard. Gonna knit like it's 1999, b*tches!"
I have nothing against knitting, btw...was just trying to think of an analogy related to an activity that is generally not perceived as drink-related. Idk, tho...there could be an entire culture of folks who work-hard-and-knit-hard that I don't know about.
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: DFW area, Texas
Posts: 521
So true; great share for the group!
This immediately made me think of how hard initial sobriety is for those of us who've stopped various times. It's not only the drinking that's ceased and its related issues, but your life changes too...it's a requirement of sobriety. No more drinking a bottle of wine at home while watching movies, or hanging out with buds until dawn. All of a sudden you have all this freetime which is very hard and can lead you back to the bottle.
Only if you treat sobriety like the major life decision it is, are you able to hunker down and stay focused on the long-term outcome you want.
I'm almost 90 days sober and those first few months are always hard because I don't know what to do with all my non-drinking time. I always find that about 90 days is when normalcy returns and I really start to feel proud of sobriety, since by then I've filled my life with other activities that are productive.
This immediately made me think of how hard initial sobriety is for those of us who've stopped various times. It's not only the drinking that's ceased and its related issues, but your life changes too...it's a requirement of sobriety. No more drinking a bottle of wine at home while watching movies, or hanging out with buds until dawn. All of a sudden you have all this freetime which is very hard and can lead you back to the bottle.
Only if you treat sobriety like the major life decision it is, are you able to hunker down and stay focused on the long-term outcome you want.
I'm almost 90 days sober and those first few months are always hard because I don't know what to do with all my non-drinking time. I always find that about 90 days is when normalcy returns and I really start to feel proud of sobriety, since by then I've filled my life with other activities that are productive.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
I was very sick when I quit drinking. I had no idea what would happen next but I chose uncertain physical etc consequences over certain death by drinking.
Now, at 348 days, emotional sobriety is my focus and I work a very hard AA program to stay spiritually fit. Everything stems from that and drinking is a solved (removed) problem.
That said, I am aware and deliberate about situations and places and actions. I have no need to tempt fate - no reason to keep alcohol in the house-or truly, just be a distraction or point of attention. I am completely comfortable working in a restaurant and serving alcohol. Many more examples of all this.
I only spend time with people who are positive, supportive and....enjoyable to have in my life.
My sober life is the best version of any part of my life before, and completely different in spirit and mind than it was in the years of darkness.
Now, at 348 days, emotional sobriety is my focus and I work a very hard AA program to stay spiritually fit. Everything stems from that and drinking is a solved (removed) problem.
That said, I am aware and deliberate about situations and places and actions. I have no need to tempt fate - no reason to keep alcohol in the house-or truly, just be a distraction or point of attention. I am completely comfortable working in a restaurant and serving alcohol. Many more examples of all this.
I only spend time with people who are positive, supportive and....enjoyable to have in my life.
My sober life is the best version of any part of my life before, and completely different in spirit and mind than it was in the years of darkness.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 334
Originally Posted by August252015
I was very sick when I quit drinking. I had no idea what would happen next but I chose uncertain physical etc consequences over certain death by drinking.
Now, at 348 days, emotional sobriety is my focus and I work a very hard AA program to stay spiritually fit. Everything stems from that and drinking is a solved (removed) problem.
That said, I am aware and deliberate about situations and places and actions. I have no need to tempt fate - no reason to keep alcohol in the house-or truly, just be a distraction or point of attention. I am completely comfortable working in a restaurant and serving alcohol. Many more examples of all this.
I only spend time with people who are positive, supportive and....enjoyable to have in my life.
My sober life is the best version of any part of my life before, and completely different in spirit and mind than it was in the years of darkness.
Now, at 348 days, emotional sobriety is my focus and I work a very hard AA program to stay spiritually fit. Everything stems from that and drinking is a solved (removed) problem.
That said, I am aware and deliberate about situations and places and actions. I have no need to tempt fate - no reason to keep alcohol in the house-or truly, just be a distraction or point of attention. I am completely comfortable working in a restaurant and serving alcohol. Many more examples of all this.
I only spend time with people who are positive, supportive and....enjoyable to have in my life.
My sober life is the best version of any part of my life before, and completely different in spirit and mind than it was in the years of darkness.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Honestly, my life did not become infinetly better but certainly more sane. Removing alcohol from my system falls into the "right thing to do" category. When an alcoholic drinks I cannot think of anymore selfish behavior.
The ruse that drinking only effects the drunk is simply unfounded and without merit. Not drinking improves others lives at the very least. I no longer put society at large at risk for my intolerable behaviors and burdens of my self centeredness
The analogies of other decisions simply are vastly incomparable to staying sober. I don't quit drinking - I stay sober and remain available to my loved ones and those I engage in the unviverse, daily.
Nothing compares to this life chaining action for me.
Happy or sad - made or glad - better or worse - affluent or effluent ; regardless - I don't drink. The outcome of that action of don't is truth. Truth is always infinetly better.
Thought provoking thread - thanks for posting
The ruse that drinking only effects the drunk is simply unfounded and without merit. Not drinking improves others lives at the very least. I no longer put society at large at risk for my intolerable behaviors and burdens of my self centeredness
The analogies of other decisions simply are vastly incomparable to staying sober. I don't quit drinking - I stay sober and remain available to my loved ones and those I engage in the unviverse, daily.
Nothing compares to this life chaining action for me.
Happy or sad - made or glad - better or worse - affluent or effluent ; regardless - I don't drink. The outcome of that action of don't is truth. Truth is always infinetly better.
Thought provoking thread - thanks for posting
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 959
thomas11, thanks for your OP. That's a really helpful perspective.
Plure, I especially appreciate your post, as all that extra free time is also a problem for me.
Plure, I especially appreciate your post, as all that extra free time is also a problem for me.
Originally Posted by Plure
[...]All of a sudden you have all this freetime which is very hard and can lead you back to the bottle.
Only if you treat sobriety like the major life decision it is, are you able to hunker down and stay focused on the long-term outcome you want.
I'm almost 90 days sober and those first few months are always hard because I don't know what to do with all my non-drinking time. I always find that about 90 days is when normalcy returns and I really start to feel proud of sobriety, since by then I've filled my life with other activities that are productive.
Only if you treat sobriety like the major life decision it is, are you able to hunker down and stay focused on the long-term outcome you want.
I'm almost 90 days sober and those first few months are always hard because I don't know what to do with all my non-drinking time. I always find that about 90 days is when normalcy returns and I really start to feel proud of sobriety, since by then I've filled my life with other activities that are productive.
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