4th still hanging over my head
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: ALBERTA Canada
Posts: 18
4th still hanging over my head
Thought I did it. Not well but had things written. Went to do 5th with sponsor and found out I didn't have it right. Humiliating.That was back before Christmas. Had stuff just not a proper 4 th column, shabby sex inventory. Tried to get started on it today. Angry, think it is a waste of my time and don't think I really understand the 4th column. Anyway I don't even have a person that I will do a 5th with. Ready to throw in towel on this process. I will keep going to meeting being that "person" you know the one that has been in AA for 14 months and stalled on step 4.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: glasgow scotland
Posts: 1,004
Hi Mudruck.
Keep it simple , you felt you had it done but someone else your listener said it was wrong , well it is your inventory not theirs . I would step back to step 3 for 1 week because that should remove all fear and should give you faith and trust and give you the ability to be fearless and thorough and confidence to go ahead into Step 5 , remember it is a moral inventory not an ''immoral inventory '', give this a bit of thought for a week , find someone maybe outside of AA a priest or someone explain what your motive is , or find a new sponsor .
I am a firm believer that if anyone is having a problem with a step its because they haven't done the previous step correctly , well done on 14 months , take a small break and start again on Step 4 and 5 keep it simple follow the example in the Big Book and just do the best you can the steps are there to help you get well not to upset you . Take care .
Regards Stevie recovered 12 03 2006
Keep it simple , you felt you had it done but someone else your listener said it was wrong , well it is your inventory not theirs . I would step back to step 3 for 1 week because that should remove all fear and should give you faith and trust and give you the ability to be fearless and thorough and confidence to go ahead into Step 5 , remember it is a moral inventory not an ''immoral inventory '', give this a bit of thought for a week , find someone maybe outside of AA a priest or someone explain what your motive is , or find a new sponsor .
I am a firm believer that if anyone is having a problem with a step its because they haven't done the previous step correctly , well done on 14 months , take a small break and start again on Step 4 and 5 keep it simple follow the example in the Big Book and just do the best you can the steps are there to help you get well not to upset you . Take care .
Regards Stevie recovered 12 03 2006
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
I didn't understand the fourth step either so I did it one saturday together with my sponsor. Then we moved to the next chapter in the book, which contains step five. This I did with my sponsor the next day. I didn't discuss my fourth in that process, that had been done the previous day. Instead I got all the skeletons out of the closet and gave them a good airing. These were the memories that kept me awake at night, that I hoped no one would ever find out about. I choked, stuttered and gagged on a lot of it, but I got it all out and as a result, experienced the fifth step promises.
I am very glad I chose my sponsor. He took my secrets to his grave with him. He was very non judgemental and shared some of his fifth and I saw I was not alone, not particularly bad, just a run of the mill alcoholic that did normal alcoholic things.
These days I follow the book on who should hear a fifth. I dont take it as a given that the sponsor must hear it. The book does not suggest an AA member. When I am working with a newcomer, we do step four together. Then when it comes to step five, I make sure they undersatnd it is entirely their choice who will hear their "confession". The most consistent good results I have seen have been with the clergy who are trained to hear step 5. I have seen a few disasters with sponsors who appeared capable, but proved to have feet of clay.
I am very glad I chose my sponsor. He took my secrets to his grave with him. He was very non judgemental and shared some of his fifth and I saw I was not alone, not particularly bad, just a run of the mill alcoholic that did normal alcoholic things.
These days I follow the book on who should hear a fifth. I dont take it as a given that the sponsor must hear it. The book does not suggest an AA member. When I am working with a newcomer, we do step four together. Then when it comes to step five, I make sure they undersatnd it is entirely their choice who will hear their "confession". The most consistent good results I have seen have been with the clergy who are trained to hear step 5. I have seen a few disasters with sponsors who appeared capable, but proved to have feet of clay.
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: East of Eden
Posts: 420
Don't sweat trying to make either 4 or 5 perfect, just do the best you can. They are both a lifetime process, so this won't be the last time you do them, at least it shouldn't be IMO. The point is to get us thinking about what really motivates our actions, do dig down and find out what drives us when we act in ways that are negative to ourselves and others. Just do what you can for now. You'll gain insight as time goes on.
Recovered
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 1,129
DON'T STALL!!!
I didn't understand the 4th column at first, either. But KEEP GOING! Use worksheets from a good AA-related site to help you if you need them (there are several that are based exactly on the BB....my favorite kind!)
I use these and they helped me a lot. For some reason, I could "see" is all better in this format. I was also more thorough.
https://step12.com/step-4.html
Just......don't stop.
I didn't understand the 4th column at first, either. But KEEP GOING! Use worksheets from a good AA-related site to help you if you need them (there are several that are based exactly on the BB....my favorite kind!)
I use these and they helped me a lot. For some reason, I could "see" is all better in this format. I was also more thorough.
https://step12.com/step-4.html
Just......don't stop.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Heh..... I did the same type of thing, and I've done it several times. LOL. More than once I've written shabby inventories......or really cool ones but they were written to impress my sponsor. There has to be some sort of God cuz he busted me on both fronts.
I'm close to hitting step 4 again myself (I continually re-work the steps) and from where I'm standing when I have a solid 1st step experience, have made my mind up about the questions in #2 and made a decision in step 3...... 4 comes pretty easily.
When I drag me feet, I forget all those things, ego and self-will reassert themselves thinking once again that I can run my life and do it successfully and I'm off the damn beam again. Recognizing that's happening (as you did Mudrock) is key - gotta know where we are and be willing to admit what we're doing or not doing. Knowing is just the start though. What REALLY matters is what are you going to DO about it......
AA is a program of action. It's the actions we take in working the steps that lead to the complete psychic change - the spiritual awakening - the sense of being reborn. You've got a choice. Continue to stall out (which really means sliding backwards and edging away from recovery) or get with it again and head back toward recovery.
When I'm in that spot I typically THINK, "well, I'm gonna start working again...but not right now...maybe tomorrow." I've been lucky enough that this decision usually leads to more pain in my life, more unmanagability, more depression, etc etc etc. All that results in a new gift of willingness showing up in my life and I get to work again.
I'm close to hitting step 4 again myself (I continually re-work the steps) and from where I'm standing when I have a solid 1st step experience, have made my mind up about the questions in #2 and made a decision in step 3...... 4 comes pretty easily.
When I drag me feet, I forget all those things, ego and self-will reassert themselves thinking once again that I can run my life and do it successfully and I'm off the damn beam again. Recognizing that's happening (as you did Mudrock) is key - gotta know where we are and be willing to admit what we're doing or not doing. Knowing is just the start though. What REALLY matters is what are you going to DO about it......
AA is a program of action. It's the actions we take in working the steps that lead to the complete psychic change - the spiritual awakening - the sense of being reborn. You've got a choice. Continue to stall out (which really means sliding backwards and edging away from recovery) or get with it again and head back toward recovery.
When I'm in that spot I typically THINK, "well, I'm gonna start working again...but not right now...maybe tomorrow." I've been lucky enough that this decision usually leads to more pain in my life, more unmanagability, more depression, etc etc etc. All that results in a new gift of willingness showing up in my life and I get to work again.
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