sunshine27

I'm 40, divorced, no kids. I have a history of heavy drinking and not heavy drinking. I have been in abusive situations my whole life. While I was married I curbed it because my exH was an alcoholic and I was trying to support him. I have no problem not having it at times. When I'm alone though it's the worst. When our marriage got really bad I started drinking again and it's been a nightmare ever since. I've actually been drunk for the past two days. I've never done that in my life. I'll drink then sleep then wake up. I can't go back to sleep so I drink some more. I'm sober right now but have had the worst anxiety issues since I stopped drinking this morning. I hate my life so much. I'm crazy stupid poor right now. I used to be able to buy anything, trips to Europe every year, was able to afford healthcare.

I don't know how to do this. AA is depressing to me and my exH goes to meetings all over town. I can't run into him because it will make me have a panic attack. Where do I start? I'm scared. I'm even afraid to sleep by myself tonight. I am Christian and I pray about this daily. I want to be released.

I can safely say that alcohol is ruining my life and I need to change. Just not sure how to do this and what to expect.

Dee74

Welcome to this side of the forum Sunshine

I'm sorry things are rough - sounds like you need some support

Do you think other meeting based methods might be a better fit and less depressing for you? Have you looked at SMART Recovery or Lifering at all?

They have online meetings too.

They're not in every city and town tho. Have you considered womens only AA meetings? If not, they might not be as depressing?

AA has online meetings too of course.

You'll find a lot of support here too - why not check out our Class of February support thread? All you need to do to join is post

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-1-a-5.html

sunshine27

Thanks Dee. This has been so hard to come to terms with. I have not heard of those groups but I will check them out. I really got scared today. My body is going crazy right now. I called a friend who is a recovering addict. He really talked me up and basically pleaded for me to call the local rehab where I live. I'm broke but my friend told me that they can probably treat me for free. Thank God for good people. I'm ready to be sober. I'm hungry right now too.

PhoenixJ

Welcome. Addiction sucks. We all have been there. Horror stories. Dee is the man when is comes to the wisdom bit.
My prayers to you. Keep posting- look at the threads, perhaps join the 'Class- just checked- Dee suggested that. I did 9March 16)and I am still learning and getting support from those guys.

Anna

Have faith that you can do this. There are many ways to stop drinking and I hope you will find one that works for you. It's really scary to realize that your drinking is out of control, but we are here to support you. You can do this!

sunshine27

I'm finally really crying about this. I've needed to all day. It's my way of releasing bad energy unfortunately. Luckily I will have euphoria for 3 or 4 hours. Okay. Need to eat.

sunshine27

Thank you to everyone. Two years ago I spent all my extra time on a forum for abuse. Now I'm on one for abusing. It's quite enlightening. I know I'm going to be okay. It's taking the first steps that's hard.

thomas11

Crossing the line from addiction to sobriety (or whatever you want to call it) is a major life change. I've never been divorced, but I can imagine is that much of a difference. Early on is brutal, but it becomes a calming force. I wish you the best.

Hevyn

I'm glad you're here with us, Sunshine. We all understand how you're feeling.

Forward12

I would start with setting up a plan of action. There are many women's only groups in AA you can check out, also a personal addiction specialist, perhaps attending church groups and events.

Delilah1

Welcome Sunshine,

Glad you found us! You can do this, and you will find lots of support on this website. Two great threads are the monthly classes, and the 24 hour thread.

You should join the February 2017 class in the Newcomers Thread you just need to post to join, and you will find others who have committed or recommitted to sobriety this month.

The 24 thread is in the Newcomers Daily Support Threads, and it is a great place to be able to check in and commit to remaining sober for the next 24 hours, and you will meet lots of great people who check in on, and support each other each day.

There are many paths to recovery, spend some time reading around on here, and write down some ideas that will work for you.

You can do this Sunshine!!