getright15

Hello,

I'll jump right into it. I relapsed about 2 weeks ago after about 8+months of sobriety. It wasn't because I just wanted to drink or had the urge, but basically due to resentments I held in. I realized I was working 11 steps and not the full 12. My sponsor and grand sponsor told me I needed to reach out more to others, but I really wasn't doing that. My resentments got the best of me when it was all said and done. Got into a huge huge argument with my wife before it all went down. We've been arguing and not getting along for many weeks now. For those who have followed my story we have tried to go to therapy which was a complete FAIL. It would just leave us both in terrible moods. I told her she needed to get her own help individually so she can move forward with all the damage as am I. I get it all and I know how much I've hurt her in many ways, so I try to be patient and understanding. The night of the arguing was it for me. I told her we were done...I was done....I can't do this anymore as our relationship has turned into this walking on egg shells for the both of us with each other. I left and did what I did when I was drinking which was go to the gas station and pick up some tall cans. I drank them in front of my house and then slept in the car in my drive way. I woke up and went to bed a few hours later. As soon as I did it I knew it was wrong. It didnt feel right at all. I was sickened that I threw away over 8 months of being clean because I was angry and resentful. My drinking lasted for just that day and I got right back on track the next day. Usually my benders last about a week and involved the police and paramedics and maybe some jail thrown in there somehow.

I've been honest with my sponsor and grand sponsor about all of the events that took place that night. I've bounced back and back on track. I dont know about us or what to do about us, as we got into it again earlier today just before my Friday AA meeting. If we do split I'll feel so bad for my daughter as shes 7 yrs old ugh. I dont know what to do.

Finishing up my court stuff though. I still have community service hours to complete and fines to pay along with my classes that are coming near an end. Just a lot going on.

Delilah1

I'm sorry things are so rough with your wife right now. I am glad you came right back after drinking.

Hope going to your meeting tonight helped.

Dee74

I hope you can do things differently this time, getiright

D

Gottalife

Resentment is the number one offender as they say but also failure to work with others is a common theme in relapse, especially in those with a lot of time up. Seems we have to give it away to keep it. But then it is such a pleasure it doesn't seem like a chore.

Glad you are back with us.

Maudcat

Whatever happens, you are sober today, and that's good. Try not to look too hard into the future; stay present. Things with your wife will go the way they are meant to go. Staying sober is the most important thing right now. . All else will fall into place. Peace and good luck.

PhoenixJ

Prayers to you and your family.

D122y

Getit,

I understand a bit about wife issues. I'm married about 15 years and me and my wife argue sometimes.

Imo....my wife is controlling. Me, my 13 yo son, her other 2 kids, her friends etc. But, my wife don't care....that is how she rolls.

So i stand up to her, we argue, then it is over. Anyway...glad to get that off my chest...

The relapse...1 day out of 240 or so. Awesome you had the will power to not go into a bender. I did some Nyquil last year and the booze in it caused a wave of hellish crave.

We all have a lot to lose. I ran into a guy last night, same age as me....he had a stroke. He is jacked up.

I was a walking stroke waiting to happen.

It is awesome to be a sober man.

Booze is poison.

Stay clean.

entropy1964

I'm glad you're back and that things didn't spin out of control. And thank you for the honest post. It is a very helpful reminder about resentments. I know I have stuff that's buried so deep. It'll come out over time I assume and I'll have to be ready. Cause at some point the only thing between me and a drink will be my higher power. Gotta work on that contact daily.

thomas11

Keep fighting the good fight. Never surrender to that bastard we call alcohol.

courage2

You sound like your feet are headed in the right direction -- don't let your head mess with them again. I'd suggest you bump up your program bit -- more posting here? Maybe join the One Year and Under Group or another daily group? Are you doing any service in AA?

Me and my husband have had some bad times -- a lot of it is learning to be honest with one another, no more lying, no more fake trust. That means confronting a ton of fear. He spent years protecting himself emotionally from the fear of my self-destruction, and I'd spent years setting myself apart. It took a lot of time and a lot of force to re-set our relationship, and yes, sometimes we go back to eggshells.

Stay sober, stay honest.

saoutchik

Well congratulations on the 8 months getright, it shows that you can do it. If you do try to reconcile I would definitely go to a different counsellor - it might be that you still part ways but at least you would know what the reasons for not being compatible.

That said I hope things work out

Thanks for the update

diogenes69

People don't relapse because of resentments, or relationships, or bad feelings, or because they "took their will back". I have been sober for 40 years in April, been to over 10,000 AA meeting, and have probably heard over 150,000 shares and had over 300,000 private conversations with alcoholics and drug addicts. Haven't thought about a drink (didn't say I didn't have a thought about a drink, there's a big difference) since 1978. There are only 2 reason, 2,
no more why people relapse. Reason #1, they think they can. If you think you can get away with it, sooner or later (probably sooner) you will drink or drug. Reason #2. There are people who know they cannot drink or drug successfully, they know if they do it will be a complete utter disaster. Before they pick up the drink, or stick the **** up their nose, smoke that pipe, or stick that needle in their arm, they say those two magic words, **** it!!!! Convince your self that you cannot drink or drug whether it is true or not and live a life were you don't say **** it and you'll end up with with 40 years like me, unless you die first, of course.

Grymt

K. I. S. S.

MythOfSisyphus

I'm glad you got right back on track. Relationship stuff can be hard, and I know you've been giving it all you've got. Maybe you two can work things out but no matter what you can co-parent and do right by your family. I know you know it but it bears saying out loud- sobriety isn't optional. Again, you know that. But anything good that you will build going forward has to be built on a solid foundation of sobriety.

getright15

Appreciate the advice. We're still trying to get things straightened out. I'm still working on me. Time hopefully heals everything.

Dee74

Yeah you have to work on you Get.

Whatever issues problems or perceived flaws your wife has, you can't fix them.

D