Stacy411

After years and years of craziness....Im finally able to say that I'm free. Where do I start???? Seems like theres sooo much to say. Been with my addict for 13 years or so. We have an awesome 12 year old son. My ex is an alcoholic and drug user. He has stopped a few times over the years, but has gotten worse with each time. Never any real help. Well, the last two years have been awful. I decided I was leaving, but made the mistake of telling him. Stupid things happened...Him waking me up at 3am...because he was upset....about whatever was bothering him at the moment. Of course, he'd been out at the bar before then. Wouldn't answer my calls while he was out partying. lol. The last year, our son slept with me because we didn't know when his dad would come home causing trouble. In the process of buying the house and leaving....My father died. So, on top of all that....I have my mama to deal with...Which I am grateful to do. She came to live with us, but soon left when she couldn't handle my ex coming home at all hours yelling and waking everyone up. On Dec 1....we got to move....I have my son and my mother with me and it is soooo incredibly peaceful that sometimes I just smile....Just peace. Nobody yells here. Its wonderful. My son doesn't want to visit his father. He stayed with him a few nights during Christmas break because my ex bought him grand theft auto......which we agreed ....he is too young for. My son is a good kid.....but has told me that's why he wanted to stay there.... We have no custody agreement at this time...I am saving for a lawyer....getting away was my focus....I'll get there... Well....as we were trying to work things out, my ex told me that if he has to pay anymore child support than 250.00 per month that I need to give my car back to him....It is only in his name because we always bought our cars from his dad...and he happened to be the one there at the time....Shouldn't have been an issue. Not a new car or anything....2004....I think. Is this fair??? He made 20,000 more than me...because I chose to only work weekends....2 16 hour shifts so I could drive our son to school and pick him up everyday. I asked my ex to stay sober the 2 days per week that I work....and of course, he couldn't do that. Everything is my fault. My child remembers a lot more than I can even imagine. I can't change that, but my son is happy here....He has told me many times that hes glad we moved. My ex still blames me. I have proof of his drug use.....I don't want to fight it out in court, but it's looking inevititable. I just want this to be over. My son knows he can see his dad anytime he wants.....he also knows that I'' come get him at a moments notice....which has happened 3 times. My ex blames me. I truly only want the best for my son. I love him far more than anyone else in this world. What a mess.....but at least.....I don't go to sleep worrying about being awakened at 3am anymore....

Nata1980

First, welcome and congrats on "getting out"

Your ex sounds like a total mess and you are right to keep your child away from him.

As for hoping he will stay sober during visitation - he won't until he gets clean.

Addiction is a terrible disease.

I also had to make a ton of adjustments - can't do some things I used to do, DS has to take a bus to school instead of me driving him - but at the end of the day it all works out!

Stay strong

LexieCat

Hi, and welcome! Are you married to this person, or just have a child together? If you are married, then even if the car is in his name, you have a property interest in it (which is why you need the lawyer). If you're not married, you may not have a legal claim to the car if he decides to take it back.

On the other hand, part of child support is providing things like transportation. Again, why you need the lawyer--to get a decent amount of child support. It sounds like you're probably going to have to go back to work. Child support is usually calculated based not only on what both parents make, but what both parents COULD be making. So you will be expected to contribute your fair share of support, yourself. Does your mom have a car? Is there a bus, or could your son get a ride with a friend's parent?

It will all get sorted. Glad you're away from the chaos.

Stacy411

Sorry if I didn't word something right....I work....and have always worked. I am more than willing to work and do my fair share....more than that even. I am a nurse and work 2 16 hour shifts Saturday and Sunday. I do not expect to do anything less than my best to support my child. In fact, I'm able to pick up extra shifts now that I've moved. I know my son is safe here with my momma and he rides the school bus.

ladyscribbler

I got help from Legal Aid in my custody case. Not having to pay for a lawyer was a lifesaver. My ex and I had a " gentleman's agreement" about visits and such- he never paid cs until he had to- until he got married. Then he decided to start a huge legal battle that ended up dragging on for a year. He wasn't really functional or motivated enough to do anything on his own, but once he found a new enabler it was off to the crazytown races.
I also started attending Al Anon meetings after I left him. Working my program of recovery has helped me with everything I've had to do, especially being a good mom.
Glad your family has some peace. Take care.

PhoenixJ

Prayers

Stacy411

Thanks for the prayers. I truly need them. Greatly appreciated. Just a question though....What is legal aid? Not having to pay for a lawyer would be such a blessing at this point. Is this something I need to seek out? If so, how? Thank you for any information.

FeelingGreat

Stacy, I don't live in the States but a good place to start would be to approach your state's Legal Society explain your situation, and ask them about pro-bono work.
Legal Aid information would probably be just a Google search away.

ladyscribbler

Google (your state) Legal Aid. There isn't a single central website, each state will have their own, and from there you should be able to find the office that services your county/metro area.

LexieCat

Legal Aid (which is known by other names in some states--ere in NJ, it's called "Legal Services.") is a nonprofit organization that provides free or low-cost (sometimes on a sliding scale) legal services for some types of cases. Not all of them handle divorce, but it's worth finding out whether they do and whether you qualify.

Also, some law schools have clinics that can provide free/low cost legal assistance.