Plan, stress, family, suggestions?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 19
Plan, stress, family, suggestions?
So I made it 5 whole days before I gave in, had a drink, and that was 10 days ago. I haven't written a plan down, just tried to keep it in my head. Well obviously that didn't work... This time of year is depressing for me, I never seem to get as much done as I want to, it snows and I have to spend a lot more time doing chores, frozen waterers, you name it. Well for me, it just became habit to have a few drinks while I'm doing my nightly chores. Also when I'm not doing chores, I'm usually at my brother's working on equipment, and we will have a couple drinks while doing that. I have a pretty decent full time job, I dispatch service calls, have 6 guys that work for me. During busy times, this job is overwhelmingly stressful, and nonstop go, go, go. Unfortunately for me, my goal in life is to farm, and I have been working very hard to achieve that goal, with little luck in growing to anywhere close to what is sustainable for income. And I drink. I can limit myself enough to function well, and I think this may be why I went back to drinking after only 5 days.
So I am trying to figure out what to do different this time. I made an appointment to see my Dr, that is next week. I had a physical a few months ago, was paranoid about my liver and wanted to visit with him on depression ( I had been feeling very depressed for over a year) he put me on some medication, and 6 weeks later I feel a lot better. I secretly hoped that would make my drinking slow down, but it sure hasn't... I had casually mentioned my drinking, and he never really followed up on it, then he sent me a letter asking me to come back in to talk more about it, but he did include the blood test results and noted everything was normal.
On to my struggles. I see posts suggesting changing routines to help keep your mind off of drinking. I don't really know how to change mine. It is something that can be changed, but it will probably mean I won't be able to get as much sleep, and I know that is another important part of staying sober.
Another thing that I have to figure out how to deal with is triggers. I had something very stressful happen a couple days ago with some livestock, resulting in a decent size money loss, and once I got the situation under control, I immediately went and made me a drink, and drank a few more than normal because I was so upset. Last night wasn't much better, still mad, disgusted, frustrated. This is probably going to be the biggest hurdle, overcoming stress. It can be so bad for me that I cannot focus on the most obvious solution to a problem until I grab a drink, calm down and figure it out.
I found out yesterday that my boss may be taking a different position in the company I work for, he told me that he expected me to apply for his old job if he gets it. In that position, I would oversee 3 departments, and a total of around 25 people. Right now I don't think it would be a good idea for me to move to something that is more stressful than the role I have right now. I actually fantasize about going back to pulling wrenches. I think I was happier then. Problem is, I don't think I can physically do that job anymore, wear and tear on the body, and I don't think I can take the pay cut. My wife is a stay at home mom, we have 3 kids, and we definitely have to watch what we spend money on right now.
I'm starting to wonder if I am going to continually keep running around in circles. I feel like I am at a midlife crises... At 32.. not what I pictured myself doing in life. My outside interests have only been losing me money lately, and I am questioning the direction I should go. All while knowing I need to quit drinking to get anything out of life.
I guess I have probably identified my big 3 areas to work on. Habit, stress, and companionship. I'm very close to my immediate family, and all of them drink, though it is not the same way as I do. If I have a couple drinks with my brother, he calls it quits when he gets in the house, I go home and have a few more. So I have a couple with the company of my brother, and have a couple more in front of my wife ( occasionally she will ask me to make her a drink too)
Sorry if I got too windy.
What works for you guys? Do you sit down and write a plan out?
I'm not ready to try AA. I live in a small rural community, and it is a big gossip area. I guess I will see what the Dr suggests.
So I am trying to figure out what to do different this time. I made an appointment to see my Dr, that is next week. I had a physical a few months ago, was paranoid about my liver and wanted to visit with him on depression ( I had been feeling very depressed for over a year) he put me on some medication, and 6 weeks later I feel a lot better. I secretly hoped that would make my drinking slow down, but it sure hasn't... I had casually mentioned my drinking, and he never really followed up on it, then he sent me a letter asking me to come back in to talk more about it, but he did include the blood test results and noted everything was normal.
On to my struggles. I see posts suggesting changing routines to help keep your mind off of drinking. I don't really know how to change mine. It is something that can be changed, but it will probably mean I won't be able to get as much sleep, and I know that is another important part of staying sober.
Another thing that I have to figure out how to deal with is triggers. I had something very stressful happen a couple days ago with some livestock, resulting in a decent size money loss, and once I got the situation under control, I immediately went and made me a drink, and drank a few more than normal because I was so upset. Last night wasn't much better, still mad, disgusted, frustrated. This is probably going to be the biggest hurdle, overcoming stress. It can be so bad for me that I cannot focus on the most obvious solution to a problem until I grab a drink, calm down and figure it out.
I found out yesterday that my boss may be taking a different position in the company I work for, he told me that he expected me to apply for his old job if he gets it. In that position, I would oversee 3 departments, and a total of around 25 people. Right now I don't think it would be a good idea for me to move to something that is more stressful than the role I have right now. I actually fantasize about going back to pulling wrenches. I think I was happier then. Problem is, I don't think I can physically do that job anymore, wear and tear on the body, and I don't think I can take the pay cut. My wife is a stay at home mom, we have 3 kids, and we definitely have to watch what we spend money on right now.
I'm starting to wonder if I am going to continually keep running around in circles. I feel like I am at a midlife crises... At 32.. not what I pictured myself doing in life. My outside interests have only been losing me money lately, and I am questioning the direction I should go. All while knowing I need to quit drinking to get anything out of life.
I guess I have probably identified my big 3 areas to work on. Habit, stress, and companionship. I'm very close to my immediate family, and all of them drink, though it is not the same way as I do. If I have a couple drinks with my brother, he calls it quits when he gets in the house, I go home and have a few more. So I have a couple with the company of my brother, and have a couple more in front of my wife ( occasionally she will ask me to make her a drink too)
Sorry if I got too windy.
What works for you guys? Do you sit down and write a plan out?
I'm not ready to try AA. I live in a small rural community, and it is a big gossip area. I guess I will see what the Dr suggests.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Hi Squirrel, it sounds like you've thought this through fairly well and have a good idea on what needs to be done. I owned a business and the stress drove me to drink...a lot. If your goal is to farm, you must have a pretty solid work ethic, right? You almost have to apply that same work ethic to your sobriety. Its that big of a fight at first. I know all about the routine and the stress. Those two things become "automatic" for having some drinks. Getting past that is tough, but can be done. Others will have better ideas than myself, but if you can stop drinking, you'll find that your life is much much better. You can tackle issues with your eyes wide open. I used to think I did my best problem solving over a few drinks. In reality, it was just an excuse to drink. I wish you well.
AA Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Silicon Valley
Posts: 2,977
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 336
Ohhhh... There's some good advice on planning in a link Dee always posts and I can't find it now. I'm sorry, I'm quite new to this site.
I CAN move your post up a few notches by replying here. Hopefully someone will see this and help.
Best of luck to you!
I CAN move your post up a few notches by replying here. Hopefully someone will see this and help.
Best of luck to you!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Boston Ma
Posts: 980
Squirrel, clearly you are a talented and motivating person, being recognized at work is an accomplishment. Just about same thing happened to me with a promotion, unexpected, 6 months before I quit. It is SO much more easier to produce quality work, especially with so many people I have to deal with sober. Stress was reduced because when I worked I worked better, more efficiently. I suggest you consider yourself real fortunate your liver is good and make a solid plan to be healthier, make the decision and the rest will come. I never thought I could do it, I think you can and will like it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Northwest U.S.
Posts: 778
Hi Squirrel. Thanks for posting this. There is a lot in your post and I am going to limit my response to just a couple of things here.
Yes, write a plan down. For me, just taking the time to reduce it to writing was a huge benefit and it made me really think this whole thing through. I also am much more accountable to something in writing as compared to just some thoughts in my mind.
I relate closely to a couple things you wrote. First, just from everything you wrote, you constantly have a whole ton of stuff in the air and you are trying to make it all fit together. It is really hard to achieve sobriety if you can't take time to focus on yourself and your personal health. Somehow, some way, find some time to focus on you and only you every single day. Make that a huge priority.
Second, the stress trigger is really hard to overcome. I don't doubt that your stress is very real. In my years of drinking, I always drank in response to stress. The problem is that, over time, the "stressful events" started happening every day because I knew that they gave me permission to drink. When I first got sober, I was scared about big stress events. Eventually, of course, they happened, but I noticed a couple of things. First, I just removed alcohol from the options of how to deal with stress, so I didn't drink. Drinking was simply not an option. Second, I was actually somewhat shocked to learn that getting through stressful events without getting plowed wasn't nearly as big of a deal as I had made it out to be. I had some stress, I dealt with it, I didn't drink, and I moved on with my life. Third, I quickly learned that with sobriety stressful events don't happen nearly as often, they usually don't seem as "big" as they did when I was drunk, and I am way better equipped to deal with them.
Good luck.
Yes, write a plan down. For me, just taking the time to reduce it to writing was a huge benefit and it made me really think this whole thing through. I also am much more accountable to something in writing as compared to just some thoughts in my mind.
I relate closely to a couple things you wrote. First, just from everything you wrote, you constantly have a whole ton of stuff in the air and you are trying to make it all fit together. It is really hard to achieve sobriety if you can't take time to focus on yourself and your personal health. Somehow, some way, find some time to focus on you and only you every single day. Make that a huge priority.
Second, the stress trigger is really hard to overcome. I don't doubt that your stress is very real. In my years of drinking, I always drank in response to stress. The problem is that, over time, the "stressful events" started happening every day because I knew that they gave me permission to drink. When I first got sober, I was scared about big stress events. Eventually, of course, they happened, but I noticed a couple of things. First, I just removed alcohol from the options of how to deal with stress, so I didn't drink. Drinking was simply not an option. Second, I was actually somewhat shocked to learn that getting through stressful events without getting plowed wasn't nearly as big of a deal as I had made it out to be. I had some stress, I dealt with it, I didn't drink, and I moved on with my life. Third, I quickly learned that with sobriety stressful events don't happen nearly as often, they usually don't seem as "big" as they did when I was drunk, and I am way better equipped to deal with them.
Good luck.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,494
Hi Squirrel,
When you look around here, you will see that there are many ways to stop drinking and I hope you will find something that works for you. The main thing is to come up with a plan that fits you.
Good for you for talking to your dr about your depression and I'm glad that the medication helped. Alcohol is a depressant, and I think you will find that you will feel better, mentally, physically and spiritually, if you stop drinking. You will be in a better position to make a decision about your job and career change. And, you will be able to find healthy ways to deal with stress. Many of us have had to work through that, and it can be done.
When you look around here, you will see that there are many ways to stop drinking and I hope you will find something that works for you. The main thing is to come up with a plan that fits you.
Good for you for talking to your dr about your depression and I'm glad that the medication helped. Alcohol is a depressant, and I think you will find that you will feel better, mentally, physically and spiritually, if you stop drinking. You will be in a better position to make a decision about your job and career change. And, you will be able to find healthy ways to deal with stress. Many of us have had to work through that, and it can be done.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 19
Thanks everyone for your input and support. So far so good today. I'm sure I'm going to be tempted pretty hard tonight, but I made it through Saturday two weeks ago with out drinking, so I am sure I can do it again.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,424
I understand about work and responsibility and all that - I had to discover balance too tho. Down time is not wasted time - it's replenishing stocks and maintaining our 'engines'.
If you burn out, or surrender to drinking, you're not good to anyone, much less yourself.
why not join the Class of February support thread Squirrel?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-1-a-5.html
Post in that as often as you need to - especially if you're feeling like drinking - we can help you through to a different outcome
D
If you burn out, or surrender to drinking, you're not good to anyone, much less yourself.
why not join the Class of February support thread Squirrel?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-1-a-5.html
Post in that as often as you need to - especially if you're feeling like drinking - we can help you through to a different outcome
D
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