izzyisamazing

I have been abusing alcohol and drugs since the age of 15. I understand that every teenager experiments and this is normal. Throughout high school I occasionally used marijuana, ecstasy and alcohol, but not enough for it to be considered a habit.

Anyhow, as of recently I am 21 years old. I've learned that this is an expensive year as I'm constantly out and about exploring bars and socially drinking with my friends. I have only been 21 for less than a year and I find myself drinking nearly every night, sometimes at home by myself. Just a footnote, my mother and grandfather dealt with alcohol addiction and I understand that addiction is a genetic predisposition as well. Over the course of the last year I have been abusing drugs tremendously. I was introduced to xanax by an old boyfriend. We used for the duration of our 6 month relationship, snorting them. I shortly kicked this habit but as of recently have picked it back up. I find myself taking my roommates prescription xanax and snorting them to go to sleep.

Another note, I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, major depression, and anxiety. I have recently started seeing a therapist who has prescribed me Klonopin, Trazodone, and Lamotrogine. I was previously prescribed Duloxetine, but stopped as it made my heart rate exceed and killed my appetite. I understand that using while on these medications is highly dangerous, but I have been doing it anyway. I have noticed that my abuse has skyrocketed the last 6 months. Doing ecstasy regularly, mushrooms, cocaine nearly every weekend, I am a daily pot smoker, and heavy drinker even on the weekdays, as well as xanax and and snorting the klonopin. I have been taking the duloxetine at least twice a week, although being taken off the medication in efforts to decrease my eating. After first taking them I lost 10 pounds from losing my appetite completely, and am now taking them because I enjoy to see the weight loss progress I am making through not eating. I am a straight A student, graduating with a degree in May. I feel that I use this as leverage for going out and partying, because I know I am exceeding in life in some ways. I often find myself debating suicide and having negative thoughts. This morning I finished a small amount of cocaine before coming to class. I often go to work drunk. Unsure of how to proceed or what steps to take. I have bought many books on addiction and actually plan to pursue a Graduate degree in addiction treatment. Ironic, isn't it? The inner me is screaming for help in order to escape this dangerous lifestyle. But the outer me is looking for my next score and doesn't want to give up this thrilling lifestyle.

thomas11

you've certainly got quite the buffet of drugs going on. This is just my opinion but you can get away with it for awhile, but it will catch up with you. You don't see too many 50 year old cocaine/ecstasy/mushroom users. Its life in the fast lane. I think you are wise to recognize it and try and do something about it while you are still young.

doggonecarl

At the rate you are going, you are going to be in treatment, not studying it.

I hope you find a way out of your lifestyle. I spent over tens years engaged in the lifestyle, addicted to meth and pot and abusing anything I could get my hands on. When I quit, I kept drinking, as that wasn't my "problem" so to speak. Yet here I am, sober after thirty-five years of drinking.

You are young. Quit while you can. The drinking and benzo abuse is deadly.

january161992

then i aint normal

i got an apartment by myself after high school and tried to drink myself to death for 11 years

this is why listening (reading) for the similarities and not the differences is paramount

welcome izzy

Dee74

Hi Izzy

Have you heard the old thing about everyone has two wolves at war within themselves?

Which wolf wins depends on which wolf you feed.

I know it's hard to imagine right now- you're early twenties straight As and a body seemingly made of titanium with amazing recuperative powers - but like Carl said that's not going to last.

I had a few years on you but I was straight A's too, Deans list, Honours - all while partying...only a few years later I was unemployable and an all day everyday drinker.

D