qtpi

Well, the divorce finally came through. Now I have to gear up for financial settlement.

Before I left in May STBXAH said he would quit drinking completely without AA or Rehab- but wouldn't throw the alcohol away. He wanted me to believe he was a changed person and sincere about never drinking again and never hurting me again.

Turns out this month he was at one of his watering holes, and they made him a Manhattan- he told them it was the first drink he had "in a year." I know he was drinking in April 2016. Also he told them he had quit drinking to lose weight. Apparently they had previously been serving him diet soda. But this time he ordered one alcoholic Manhattan. Hmmm....

thotful

the disease is cunning, baffling, and powerful - one of it's greatest strengths in my opinion is DENIAL. Like a giant wall in front of recovery.

LexieCat

How do you even know about this supposed event at the bar? If it's from him, I'd just ignore it as a big fat QUACK. If it's from someone else, I think I'd request no further reports from this person.

ETA: Congrats on your new HAPPILY SINGLE status!!

qtpi

From a reliable source. But I am good with it. Because sometimes it helps to have reinforcement that I made a good move.

LexieCat

Yeah, it may be reinforcement this time, but suppose you start getting reports that he is in a particularly bad way, talking about how much he misses you or something, or talking about dating or meeting someone else. My point is that getting reports on what he's up to/how he's doing isn't great for your ability to move on.

PhoenixJ

Stay safe, prayers to all.

qtpi

Not going back. But still nice to know
The promise to quit was horse manure. And I am so better off. Regardless of this difficult time.

maia1234

Q,
This is the first day of the rest of your life. No worries anymore if he is drunk or sober..... who cares!!

Congrats my friend. It was hard work getting here. You are here now so what are your plans, as a single lady???

qtpi

Truly a codependent answer. I have no idea!!!! I have friends, a good job, friends, and fun things in my free time. Waiting on the financial settlement to see if I can retire. Then I will look at everything and decide more.

TobeC

I think you're in a great place mentally in recognizing a promise is nothing but air. Absolute surrender to the disease and walking the walk not talking the talk says way more than words. Stay strong and God bless.