SoberD

To be honest, this is not my first time here but I just can't seem to get this thing kicked. It's embarrassing, it's sad, and I keep failing. What is most frustrating is that I have been fortunate enough to be successful in all of my other endeavors. I have a couple graduate degrees, a nice house, a good salary, blah blah blah...

I have tried to quit drinking in a serious way dozens of times and I keep failing. I have so much admiration for the people here that have lasting sobriety. The obvious question is what is my plan? I have tried so many and keep losing...what the hell is wrong with me...

I could tell all the war stories but you all get it - been there, done that - I just feel like disappearing and waking up as a new person without this problem.

Sorry, this is just stream of consciousness but I just want to feel normal...

Dee74

Hi and welcome back

I think you'll find a lot of us are high achievers or people who've beat some heavy odds...

I could never understand how I'd beaten all I'd faced...but I couldn't drink like a 'normal person'.

Things got a lot better for me when I accepted that, for whatever reason, fair or not, I have this toxic relationship with alcohol.

Trying to beat it is a lot like holding a venomous snake and willing it not to bite and poison you.

Much better to let go of that sucker and let it slither away...yeah?

D

SoberD

Thank you Dee. I remember you and the wisdom of your words. I guess I am so confused right now that I don't have any great insights or specific questions. It's just a really rough time and I have been on a bender for a few days. I need a solid game plan starting tomorrow and SR has always treated me well. Like I said, it just baffles me that I can't seem to find a way to be like the strong competent people here and just quit for good...

PhoenixJ

Hello SD- welcome. I drank to feel normal. I created an image of myself I thought I should be. When times were good- booze. When stuff was crap- even more booze. It was because the creation of who I thought I should be did not work. Got the qualifications- felt no better. Got a brilliant job and more qualifications heaped with more responsibility. So the drinking increased and the need to pretend to appear normal- while drinking lots. With the drinking came the clash with morals and values- lying, cheating etc. Moved to ' start afresh' That did not work. Moved jobs- new chances- a clean slate. Nope- I just dragged all the same baggage I had in the first place with me. No matter how much I succeeded or rose- I still felt the same. All with drinking. In the end the whole lot crashed. Family, career, house- everything. Nearly my life. Now I am working on exactly who I am.
There are a lot of tools at SR.
Get a recovery plan in place. See a doctor to sort out your physical needs- be honest, don't lie, rationalise or pretend to drink less than you do. Go to AA/SMART meetings- get a sponsor. See an addiction counsellor. Work out strategies to deal with every day life.
Remember the basics - deal with Hunger Anger Loneliness Tiredness (and Thirst) and Sadness (HALTS). Fix what you can, get help for what you cannot. These basics make a real difference. You need to work at recovery, it takes hard work.
Keep sharing and posting. Prayers to you, PJ.

SoberD

Thank you PJ. I really fear that I am approaching the crash that you (and others) speak of. I have this overwhelming sense of doom of the horizon but I just keep flirting with disaster. I am coming out of yet another failed relationship and feel particularly reckless and vulnerable right now. Things like IP rehab are just not an option for me but I wish I could just take a few weeks off to clear my head, detox my body, and come back a "new man." I feel like I'm on the verge of spiraling out but don't have the breathing room to prevent it...

Gottalife

What is wrong with me? A soul destroying question I aksed myself a million times. People around me could drink moderately and didn't have the problems I had. Some of the heavier drinkers just seemed to make a decision to turn their lives around and they stopped or moderated, some just lost interest in the drinking life.

Why couldn't I be like that? Why couldn't I just stop? My reasons for stopping were just as good as anybody elses.

Others would encourage me to get sorted, and I would really want to, but I couldn't. What's wrong with me? Others can do it, why can't I?

Answer, because I am an alcoholic of the hopeless variety. I had an obsession of the mind that condemned me to keep picking up the fatal first drink, and an allergy of the body that ensured I would ultimately destroy myself in the process. There is a solution, and it has worked very well.

SoberD

Thanks Gottalife. What was your solution? I wish it were as simple as never putting another drink of alcohol to my lips but Christ, this demon just plagues me...a few days or a week off and then I'm feeling good again...ready to drink and be miserable in the ensuing days...

Poppy79

Can I ask why IP rehab is not an option? Is it that you can't take a few weeks off work?

SoberD

Yes, that is it - I can't take that kind of time off - I need to find another way...

Dee74

As long as you approach this passively - like it's only a matter of time til you drink again, and there's nothing you can do about it, you're really beaten before you're started.

What about AA?

D

Poppy79

So my next question...... is your career more important than your life?
I suppose if you haven't exhausted all options to get sober eg, AA, Smart, OP therapy etc you could try those but I wouldn't be crossing IP rehab off the list because you can't take 2-3 weeks off work. It's such a small amount of time.
That said, I don't know your working situation or healthcare situation.
I do know I was scared shitle$$ to take 3 weeks off work thinking I could lose my job, but I did it anyway as I could not stop drinking by any other means (I had exhausted all options to no avail). Best (and scariest) choice I have made in decades. Wish I had done it much sooner.

Poppy79

And I didn't lose my job, in fact, quite the opposite. Now I am firing on all cylinders at work rather than coming back from a liquid lunch completely wasted

Gottalife

Complete abstinence is all that can be suggested to bring relief, so that part is simple. But if we could just make that decision and stick to it, we would all have got well a long time ago.

I found my solution in AA. AA is not the solution in itself, but following those simple suggestions lead me to a point where drinking became redundant as my solution to life. Simple but not easy. There was some work and discomfort involved, but the fact of the matter is that since I did that work and adopted a different way of living, it has not occurred to me to drink, even in the most dire circumstances.

It has not been about not drinking with a gun to my head, but rather a whole new deal in which alcohol has no place.

LadyBlue0527

Hi SoberD, quitting is not easy, it's one of the hardest, if not the hardest things any of us have ever done. Just because you haven't gotten there yet does not mean that you're not strong nor competent. I think I can speak freely and say that none of us just simply made up our mind and walked away from it and endured no discomfort.

I think that with all the plans I came up with and with all the things I tried there were two things that helped me the most. Full acceptance of the fact that I was going to have to endure discomfort and to plan for those times. The next was to realize that drinking was not an option under any circumstance.

Many come here and post the morning after a hangover or after having been on a bender with the words "I'm done". That takes a lot but let's be honest, although sometimes that's a hard thing to do there's a moment coming that's far more important. That's when the dregs of the hangover have left, or whatever horrifying thing that happened has settled down and you get to the next point in time where it might seem ok to drink. That's when the real work begins. That's when you have to muster up every single ounce of resolve to quit and force yourself to work that plan.

In the beginning it won't be easy but accept that fact. Give yourself permission to feel the discomfort and to work through it.

You CAN do this. You want it. Don't allow drinking to be an option anymore under any circumstance.

D122y

SoberD,

When you start to...feel good...after a few days or weeks...think about the feeling you have.

It really is a strong crave. You don't feel good...you are craving.

Your mind is freaking out....needing the fix. We are all drug addicts.

Get through that crave...using all the techs we talk about...and move on.

I craved like crazy yesterday while playing golf. I am 21 months sober.

Addict for life.

Thanks.

MrPL

Hi SoberD

I was in a similar position to you a few months ago. Apart from drinking everything was well and stable, but it got to the point that my drinking was starting to slowly affect family life and career.

I realised that this apparent stability itself was what made me feel entitled to have one or two drinks after work, but of course it was never only one or two.

So I decided to make things unstable. I decided it was not enough to just have a good career and a family. I want more. I set myself some long term objectives that will force me to achieve again, and drinking just doesn't fit with that. It s been close to 6 months and I can't believe how much my life has changed.

You can do it too, if you have already achieved so much you have the necessary focus and discipline somewhere in there, just point it to the right direction.

Wishing you all the best.

P

InApickle

Not sure if I can give you any quality advice like the long timers here as I can't even get through day1..
Tonight when I get the urge I am going to drink 2 pints of milk straight down, the thought of drinking alcohol on a full stomach of milk makes me feel sick just thinking about it.
I made it through one night a few days ago by drinking down 2 large bottles of coke but I would not recommend it, I leaked air all night like a puncture in a car tire and had massive stomach cramps!

Gottalife

This statement is so sane, logical, makes complete sense. I have to ask myself why I couldn't do that? Why every single ounce of resolve was never enough?

The answer was deceptively simple. At certain times alcoholics of my type have no effective mental defence against the first drink. There is a complete failure of the kind of defence that prevents one putting one's hand on a hot stove.

The picking up of the fatal first drink was not a dramatic affair involving hours of cravings and battle. Instead it was a careless, casual thoughtless thing. Most times I got started I never realised until the fourth drink that I was supposed to have not drank that day. I often had no memory of going to the bar and ordering the fatal first drink.

It can be a simple as wrong question wrong answer i.e. "Would you like a drink?" Yeah thanks, no thought, no memory of past disasters has any effect. Then it is "how did I ever get started again"? We are a baffled lot.

columbus

"I wish it were as simple as never putting another drink of alcohol to my lips"

I hope this doesn't sound flippant or off-hand, but it truly is as simple as that.

As for the desire to be sh*t-faced drunk, that might never go away.

But as long as you are "never putting another drink of alcohol to my lips" that desire has no ability to harm you.

soberclover

In my early sobriety I found it very helpful to glue myself to SR. I posted as well as read throughout the day at various times different posts. It helped me feel supported knowing that I wasn't alone on this journey