need help understanding
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need help understanding
hello,
i am new to this. i have never attended an alanon meeting or site until now. My husband has been battling alcohol for over 10 yrs. He keeps trying to stop but cant last for more than 3 mths. this last time he made it 2 wks and relapsed very hard. He has been on a 4 mth binge and is ready to try again. 2 yrs ago he went on a whiskey binge that landed him to useing crack. He had an affair, I took him back after just 3 mths of being gone. I feel that i made the mistake of taking him back with out him staying sober and clean for a longer period of time. We have 3 kids that love their daddy, i love him very much also, but i dont know if i can continue with the pain and anger with the relapses. At times i feel like if were to drink with him it would help me understand his disease, other times i feel like i am to blame for his drinking because i stress my feelings on his drinking and he will drink more after i tell him. Any advice for me???
i am new to this. i have never attended an alanon meeting or site until now. My husband has been battling alcohol for over 10 yrs. He keeps trying to stop but cant last for more than 3 mths. this last time he made it 2 wks and relapsed very hard. He has been on a 4 mth binge and is ready to try again. 2 yrs ago he went on a whiskey binge that landed him to useing crack. He had an affair, I took him back after just 3 mths of being gone. I feel that i made the mistake of taking him back with out him staying sober and clean for a longer period of time. We have 3 kids that love their daddy, i love him very much also, but i dont know if i can continue with the pain and anger with the relapses. At times i feel like if were to drink with him it would help me understand his disease, other times i feel like i am to blame for his drinking because i stress my feelings on his drinking and he will drink more after i tell him. Any advice for me???
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welcome, browneyes. we're glad you are here and are reaching out for help.
we don't give each other advice in al-anon, but we can help you reason things out, one day at a time. we can share what we've been through, and you might find that lots of us have been through something very similar.
at this point, i think you need to hear one of our little sayings - the three C's: you didn't cause your husband to drink. you can't control his drinking. and you certainly can't cure his drinking no matter how long you stick in there with him.
you are most certainly NOT to blame for his drinking. and as for the question of whether you can "continue with the pain and the anger with the relapses" -- only you can answer that question. what is in this relationship for you? how is it helping your children?
do you have a Higher Power?.
Just for today,
marie.
we don't give each other advice in al-anon, but we can help you reason things out, one day at a time. we can share what we've been through, and you might find that lots of us have been through something very similar.
at this point, i think you need to hear one of our little sayings - the three C's: you didn't cause your husband to drink. you can't control his drinking. and you certainly can't cure his drinking no matter how long you stick in there with him.
you are most certainly NOT to blame for his drinking. and as for the question of whether you can "continue with the pain and the anger with the relapses" -- only you can answer that question. what is in this relationship for you? how is it helping your children?
do you have a Higher Power?.
Just for today,
marie.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
HI Browneyes...
Welcome to the forum.
For support and understanding, you came to the right place. No one should have to feel alone. Are you able to find an al-anon group in your area?
Of course, you're the only one who can know when you've had enough from your husband's addiction. We'll be here to listen and sympathize, no matter what you decide to do.
Maybe your husband would look at the NA or AA pages here? It's so hard to really understand what's holding them back if you don't have the problem yourself. Don't GIVE yourself a problem by drinking with him. It won't help him, and it sure won't help your kids.
You didn' t cause him to start drinking, and it's not your fault he continues. Please don't lay his problems at your own feet.
Smoke
Welcome to the forum.
For support and understanding, you came to the right place. No one should have to feel alone. Are you able to find an al-anon group in your area?
Of course, you're the only one who can know when you've had enough from your husband's addiction. We'll be here to listen and sympathize, no matter what you decide to do.
Maybe your husband would look at the NA or AA pages here? It's so hard to really understand what's holding them back if you don't have the problem yourself. Don't GIVE yourself a problem by drinking with him. It won't help him, and it sure won't help your kids.
You didn' t cause him to start drinking, and it's not your fault he continues. Please don't lay his problems at your own feet.
Smoke
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